Page 40 of Falling for Fury

That probably isn’t fair to Lucas; I barely know him. We’ve worked one shift together, and he has been a perfect gentleman. Slightly on the flirty side, but it’s all been above board. After that one night with Noah, though, Lucas’s flirty attempts didn’t even make me blush. It was like my attraction gauge was completely broken and I felt nothing. Another thing that just pissed me off more.

“And what makes you think that Lucas is judging or giving notes?” Casey asks, knowing I don’t have an answer. Noah’s silence and the way he has ruined other men for me is just making me take my rage out on an innocent person who just happens to be of the same gender. I release a sigh of defeat.

“You know, he was the one who left me in that room. I see no effort being made on his end. And, anyway, we barely know each other. He gave me one mind-altering orgasm. That doesn’t mean I owe him my heart.” Not that I plan on giving anyone my heart. You told him it was just fun.

Casey nods and Rosie storms to her feet across the couch to give me a very intense high-five. “Damn fucking straight. Fuck that guy. Men, who needs them? Not us!” I look at Rosie and I decide she is right. The only thing men seem to be good for is one thing. And Noah was very, very good at it.

“Ooo, I like this look. Please tell me what you’re thinking.” Rosie cuddles up to my arm while Casey shakes her head, lowering her face to her palm.

“Oh, this can’t be good,” she says, huffing a laugh. I pull out my phone, and harnessing my fury and need to forget Noah, I log into the App Store. I flip the phone around and show them what I am now officially downloading.

“YES! Welcome to the SoulSwipe club. I can’t wait to discuss our adult sleepovers together.” Maybe the perfect thing I need to get Noah out of my system is to get under someone else. I was ready to try fun with Noah, maybe I can just try fun with other strangers. Rosie does it all the time. How hard could it be?

“Ugh, Rosie.” Casey chuckles and gets up, walking towards the kitchen. “I am going to need a very big glass of wine for this.”

“Hey, just because you’ve been out of the game for four years doesn’t mean Addy can’t join the fun.” Rosie sighs.

“Yeah… about that…” Rosie and I share a look, then, snapping both of our heads and swiveling our bodies to lean on the back of the couch, we look to Casey who is standing in the kitchen.

“Umm… Connor and I broke up… this morning.” Rosie and I audibly gasp at Casey’s reveal, and surprisingly calm state. Four years she and Connor were together for.

“Oh god, Case, are you ok?” Rosie asks, and I bite back a similar question, knowing how much I hate to hear that sympathetic tone.

“Surprisingly okay. I was just honest with him. He doesn’t prioritize me or our relationship. There was no intimacy, no loving looks, or exciting passion. We kind of just existed in this partnership. I mean, he hasn’t stayed over in six months!”

“So, how did it happen?” Rosie asks quietly.

Case pours herself a glass of wine, staring into it as she huffs out a sigh. “How much time do you have?” she says sarcastically, but I can feel the pain in her words.

“All the time you need.” I smile up at her as she makes her way back down to the couch.

“How about something stronger than wine?” Rosie asks gently. Casey and I laugh, but agree.

“You ready?” I sing-song out to Casey where I wait for her in the kitchen. I agreed to go to one of her classes, which she believes will help me to center myself, calming the anger that is overstimulated at the moment.

“Yep!” she calls from her room, and I lace up my runners. “Stop for a coffee after? I saw this new shop on the corner near the studio open and they have this weird Chocolate Matcha I want to try.” She hums with an enthusiasm that reminds me why I hate morning people. I laugh softly at her, and when I stand to meet her at the door, I notice the slight redness to her eyes, the sadness she is so good at pretending she doesn’t have.

“How are you doing, Case?” I try not to put too much pity in my tone. I know how much I hate to hear it. But I hate to see my friend hurting even more.

She shrugs and smiles softly at me. “I’m okay. Really, I think I will be better off. I need this space to grow. I didn’t realize how much Connor was holding me back, how much energy it took to be there for him and look after him. I think I really just need someone who adds value to my life, rather than sucking up all the energy.” It amazes me how self-aware she is, how strong and courageous she is. Without thinking, I wrap her in a tight hug that she returns. Letting go of the sadness with ease after pouring her heart out to Rosie and me last night.

She gave us the full rundown of the breakup. Connor, despite being the same age as us, was an actual child. He has so much growing up to do. Even if he didn’t, Casey is years beyond him, anyway. I’m convinced she’ll end up with an older guy. She’d have to if she wants to find someone on the same maturity level that she is at.

“You inspire me,” I tell her. My tone is joking, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I aspire to be like Casey. She giggles softly as we leave the apartment.

“Just us today?” I ask, noting there is no one else but us in the studio.

“I thought it would be great for you to have a session alone. Show you the power of meditation for when you’re at home, but also, because you’re my best friend and I own this studio, so we can have alone sessions whenever we like.” She laughs and we walk—well, she skips—through the main reception to the back studio. The studio might be owned by Casey and her older sister Grace, but it screams Casey in the design. It is all natural woods and greenery, modern design touches, with soft LED lighting. Walking in here feels like walking into some relaxing spa retreat in the middle of the rainforest. Not like we’re on the Upper West Side of New York City.

As we enter the back studio, the lights are dimmed, the sound of Yoga music fills the air softly, and the scent from a lavender diffuser fills the room. Two mats are already rolled out, and Casey guides me to one. Facing the mirror, we sit down, side by side.

She walks me through a range of exercises that focus on controlling breath and focusing on the way the muscles move and stretch over our bones and under our skin. It is truly magical—the way her gentle voice and the control of my breath makes me get completely out of my head, even if it was for a few moments.

“So to cool down, we’re going to sit in a cross-legged position, ideally, lifting your feet to rest on your thighs in padmasana if you can. But don’t stress if your flexibility doesn’t allow you to.” She does it with ease, but I settle for just sitting cross-legged. “Resting your arms on your knees, palms face up, bring your thumb and pointer finger together and stretch out your other three fingers.” I do as she tells me to, and I almost lose my composure, wanting to laugh as I look in the mirror. The position looks like the cliché yoga position to the point I didn’t realize this was actually something they did. She notices my expression and she smiles as she explains. “Gyan mudra. Can help with blood flow to the brain, with focus and concentration. Also, it can help you to keep a stable and rational mind when practiced often enough. It is said to help alleviate symptoms of stress, tension, depression, and sleeplessness.” She says it all softly, looking through me knowingly as she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. I appreciate that she hasn’t pinpointed all of those things within me. Hasn’t outright said I am irrational, only allowing me to take this opportunity to learn a method of coping. If I wasn’t trying so hard to stay within this moment with her, I think I could cry and wrap her in a hug. I whisper a quiet, “thank you.” I see her soft smile before she chastises me.

“Close your eyes, breathe.”

So I do. Letting go of all the things I am sure will be waiting for me the moment I leave this studio, but I let myself breathe and just exist here. Enjoying a rare moment of internal peace.

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