Page 73 of Textbook Romance

I’ve not seen Liz since it all happened. I didn’t see the point. She reached out by text, but I didn’t know what there was to say. It’s fine, you have Brian. I hope you have a lovely life together but you’re a bitch? The problem is there is so much to say. It used to be me sitting there with her, sipping wine, and do you know what we used to do? We used to bitch about how our husbands didn’t load the dishwasher properly. How do I go into this? Do I ask her how she is? How do I bring up Manchester? So, why exactly did you think it was a good idea to show up there?

‘I went to Laser Tag,’ I tell that small group, looking down at their table of tiny cheeses and olives. That was a poor conversational opener.

I think one of them laughs at me under her breath. ‘Oh, is it like one of those evenings where they open it up to adults? I’ve heard about this bar in London that does that – they have ball pits, and you can get cocktails.’

I nod, Jack standing there trying to work out who these women are from the awkwardness that sits there in the air like mist.

‘You know Tina, right?’ she tells me. I nod. Tina is a school-gate mum I’ve met at cosmetics parties where I think she once harangued me into buying a body scrub that cost forty pounds and gave me hives. Tina looks me up and down.

‘Hi, Tina. How’s Phil?’ I enquire politely.

‘He’s fine. He just got a Tesla.’

Beside me, Jack laughs before realising that wasn’t funny.

‘Do you have a Tesla?’ Tina asks him, slightly annoyed.

‘No. I’m not a fan. I’m Jack, by the way. Hello, everyone. I, too, was at Laser Tag. Why don’t you show them your trophy, Zoe?’ he tells the women sitting there.

I turn to Jack, smiling, holding up my trophy. This impresses these women less. I can’t quite look Liz in the eye. I can only think she said my name out loud to usher me over and shame me.

‘Well, I’m Liz and this is Tina and Fran.’

‘Liz,’ Jack repeats quietly.

Shit. He knows. This is Liz. The Liz. And it’s a strange thing but five minutes ago, I felt comfortable, confident, like it was just him and me but now he’s met Liz, and I worry irrationally that like Brian, he’ll look at her, with her heels and her blonde hair and her Pilates core, and maybe he’ll see what Brian saw there, too. But instead, he stares at her, almost in shock.

‘You’re the one who…’ he mutters. He points his fingers around in different directions before realising he’s said too much, and turning to me to say, ‘Is she your friend who had that unfortunate incident with the fillers?’

I smile to myself as Liz reaches up to her face.

‘No, that’s someone else,’ I inform him, trying to maintain my composure.

‘How do you know each other?’ Liz asks, defensively. I feel every cell in me tense up. Hey Liz, you know you went and ensnared Brian behind my back? This is Jack, he’s my consolation prize and personally, I think I got the better deal. The man has abs. I know for a fact that Brian doesn’t. He has a furry stomach like a large kiwi fruit.

‘Zoe and I work together,’ Jack tells her.

‘So, you’re a teacher?’ she says, continuing to pry.

‘I am. I teach… chemistry. We should actually go, Zoe – the others are waiting for us at the restaurant.’

I was never quite sure how the situation would pan out when I saw Liz again for the first time. I somehow imagined I’d be braver, angrier and bring some attitude to the situation. I catch Liz’s eye, and I can’t quite read that emotion. I think she’s trying to maintain some sort of upper hand by not overreacting or creating drama. It’s happened, let’s all move on and be super civil.

‘You’re going out?’ Liz asks me.

The inference from that being I wouldn’t go out, that I would still be sitting at home, crying over being all alone.

‘Yeah, we’re having tapas and then we’re off to a club,’ Jack adds.

‘A club?’ Tina says, like she can’t quite believe that’s possible for someone like me.

‘Yeah?’ Jack says. ‘Have a good evening here with your wine and your olives.’ I don’t know why this makes me laugh under my breath. He turns to me. ‘Come on, Zoe.’

‘I’m sorry, by the way… I really am,’ Liz suddenly pipes up.

I stop in my tracks to hear those words, turning around to see she’s stood up, hovering over the table. Tina has a hand to her arm, as if she’s telling her to sit down. Fuck off, Tina. Liz texted those words to me, too. I can sense Jack looking at me, anticipating my next move. He’s seen me at Laser Tag at my most ruthless. I’ve won trophies. I smile. I inhale deeply. ‘No, you’re not.’ My voice is calm, soft, almost resigned. One day, for the sake of my kids I will have to likely speak to you and possibly even forgive you, but that moment is not now. You made a choice that took my life away. I don’t think you get to apologise for that.

I put a hand on Jack’s arm, and he looks down at it and, smiling, gives me a playful wink. Let them gossip. It’ll be a hell of a lot more interesting than their shitty Tesla talk.

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