Page 59 of Textbook Romance

I look over as Dom gnaws away at some chicken. Again, I like seeing the joy in his closed eyes and happy chomping sounds. He looks up mid-chew. ‘So, tell me of your love life woes then. I can’t for the life of me think why you would need me for advice.’ He sounds confused. ‘Beers are in the fridge.’

I extract two bottles and find the bottle opener to crack them open. He sups furiously at the top of one and clinks it against the neck of mine.

‘I’ve met someone. She’s older.’

‘Older than me?’ he says hesitantly, the lines around his eyes creasing.

I nod.

‘Does she have her own teeth?’ he says, mocking me.

‘Shut up. She’s forty-three.’

He pauses for a moment, unsure of what to say. ‘That’s acceptable, I guess.’

‘It just comes with complications. She’s just split up from her husband, there are kids in the picture.’

‘How old?’

‘Thirteen and fifteen.’

He puffs out his cheeks. These are not reactions that instil a lot of faith that he approves. He fiddles with some sauce sachets, putting a hand to his semi-receding hairline that I’m not allowed to talk about. ‘Jack, is it weird that I don’t quite know what to say?’ he tells me, taking a seat at his kitchen table. I can’t quite tell if he’s shocked or indifferent.

‘Well, you’re not angry. I thought you might just laugh it off and warn me off her.’

‘Do you love her?’ he asks, his tone going big brother, semi-serious for a moment.

‘God, no. I’ve just met her. I don’t know. The sex was pretty unreal and we click, there’s something there. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I feel like we bring out something good in each other. Maybe.’

He laughs under his breath, staring at me. ‘That’s quite mature for you.’ And I smile because that’s how it feels to be with her. It feels grown up, comfortable. It’s her sitting on the edge of the bed and not playing games, just asking me what this is and us wanting to do right by each other. I’m not sure I’ve had that clarity in any other relationship.

Dom looks out through the hallway and into the living room, his eyes fixed on his kids. There’s always a way he looks at them that speaks of gratitude but also looks completely overwhelmed by emotion. ‘Jack, the more and more I think about love, I have no clue what it should look like. For me, it was supposed to be me and Amy raising those boys and waiting for them to get big, adding more children to the mix and just existing together for an eternity, but hey, life had other plans, eh?’ I glance at him for a moment. All that grief hit Dom especially hard, and I always worry about when it will rear its head and jab him in the guts again. He’s dated since but he never talks of anything serious. I don’t know if perhaps he’s scarred for life or his heart just belonged to the one person, but you can tell how much he misses her, how he thinks about her daily. ‘J-Lo is fifty and I’d tap that in an instant,’ he adds.

From heartfelt sentiment to slightly inappropriate. ‘Dom, she’d eat you alive. You don’t even know how to take a picture of your willy.’

And he chuckles again, studying my face. ‘Is she nice? Clever? She’s not like that girl who wrote you her list of demands, is she?’

‘Her name was Imogen, and it was a list of expectations…’

‘Yeah, you were well rid of that one,’ he says, still talking about her with mild disdain.

‘She is nice. Her name is Zoe.’

‘Well, you deserve nice and that’s all I’ll say. I just…’

I can see him mill through his words wondering the best way to phrase his next sentence. ‘When you left us and the boys, it was almost a relief to me. For the longest time, I thought we’d held you back. Every day I wait to hear that you’re going to fly somewhere, do something amazing, but you just stay close.’

‘Armed with chicken, though,’ I add, and then I frown. ‘I went on that cruise ship once. I travelled.’

‘And you came straight back.’

‘I’m a homebody.’

‘You… I don’t know how to say this… Sometimes I wish you were a little more selfish with your time, your dreams, your life. You invest a lot in people, you’re nice and loyal to a fault. I will always respect that. But when I hear you might get with a woman who’s got a ready-made family, I worry it will just ground you again when really…’ He pauses and gazes at a photo of his wife on the fridge. ‘You have all the time in the world.’

He looks at me wondering if he’s crossed a line.

‘I’m just living in the now. Taking it one day at a time. I haven’t thought about the future really,’ I say, aware I’m trotting out some old, tired lines.

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