Page 56 of Textbook Romance

‘I’m going to feed them, Zo, and then we’ll drive back. You OK?’ Kate says, drifting into view. I see her eyes scanning my surroundings.

I nod. ‘Thank you,’ I mouth quietly.

‘No worries, sis. They’re safe.’

I hang up before the kids have a chance to see me cry again. I throw my phone on the bed and then perch on a corner of it, my head in my hands. They’re safe, that’s all that matters.

‘Can I give you a hug?’ Jack asks me, walking over.

I nod and stand up, allowing myself to just curl into his body, to feel his arms wrapped around me and unlike last night, when the feel of him was electric and filled with some sort of potent charge, it now just feels warm, comforting and I am truly grateful for it.

‘Can I send some money to Hakeem and Sarah? Have you got an address? I can send them some wine,’ I tell him, still in hold.

‘It’s all taken care of,’ he tells me quietly.

‘Thank you.’

‘It’s all good.’

We part for a moment and Jack studies my face. ‘I’m sorry. I must look a state.’

He shakes his head. ‘Still beautiful, just a bit puffier.’

I laugh and encourage him to sit down next to me. ‘Talk about real life coming in and interrupting proceedings quite rudely. I’m sorry. Thank you. Seriously. For your help, for all of… this.’

Jack smiles, resting a hand on my thigh. ‘Well, despite the interruption, I enjoyed this very much. And to be honest, I don’t think I could have done what we did for another twenty-four hours. Maybe this was the universe telling us we needed to pace ourselves.’

I smile broadly.

‘Please don’t worry about me. They’re your kids and they deserve all your attention. They really do. I know how much they mean to you.’

I’m pleased to know he’s been paying attention to that much. ‘And where do we go from here?’ I ask him, curious. ‘Not that I need labels or anything like that, but I don’t want to misconstrue anything.’

‘Well, I would like to see you again, Zoe. I really would.’

And I furrow my brow. This is not a simple boy meets girl story, this is messy and it comes with baggage that is still packed, that is still heavy and in the way. I know he doesn’t see the age gap but my practical, numbers-based mind dwells on it a little too much. Despite all his compliments, the spark, the very good essence that I feel underpins who he is, I still question whether it’s worth his time.

‘You’ll likely see me again. We work in the same place.’

‘I mean, I would like to see you naked again.’

I pause. ‘I think I would like that, too.’

‘You think?’

And we both laugh as he grabs one of my hands, kissing it. ‘You just come find me when you need me. I’ll be here, waiting.’

‘Naked.’

‘Well, not at school. I hear that’s frowned upon.’

I get an Uber home. Jack and I said our goodbyes in the hotel room with a prolonged kiss and a lift ride down to the lobby filled with charged looks and hesitation. When I got home, the house was grey and empty, echoing the cold drizzle that had started to fill the air. I unpacked my bag, put on a load of washing and had a long shower. It was strange. I carry no shame about what happened last night. I feel guilty I missed my kids’ calls when they needed me, but I keep experiencing flashbacks to moments of intense joy, feeling echoes of Jack’s touch, moments that make me smile wildly. It happened. I just can’t let anyone know, not now, and especially after everything that the kids have experienced this weekend.

As soon as Kate’s car pulls up to the drive, I run out into the driveway. They come and find me, and both of them nestle me into a long, prolonged hug. I feel complete. I feel an overwhelming sense that all is right again with the world.

Kate suddenly joins the hug. ‘Come on. It’s drizzling and I need a big cup of tea. Kettle on, please.’

We all disperse, the kids getting their bags from the car whilst Kate throws her arms around me. ‘You’re all flushed, rosy. Are you coming down with something?’ she enquires.

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