Page 28 of Textbook Romance

‘What was he like at university? Did he get about?’ Mia asks him.

‘He once shagged a girl in our kitchen. I had to disinfect the whole kitchen, even the countertops,’ Ed recalls casually. I choke a little on my cheese sandwich, surprised that he’s decided to lead with this particular memory. ‘I mean, I wish he hadn’t. I prepared food on those countertops. I rolled dough, I had raw meat on there…’

‘Quite,’ Mia replies.

Ed blushes at the innuendo which, knowing Ed, was not intentional at all, but which makes Mia snort with laughter. She nudges her husband playfully.

‘Was he dating this girl?’ I ask.

‘Oh no, he never really did girlfriends. He’s a bit of a…’

‘Jack-the-Lad?’ Mia says, finishing his sentence.

‘Not even that. Girls like him. He’s got that thing all the kids talk about… rizz?’

Mia squeezes his arm, impressed that he’s expanding his lingo. I think I may know what Ed’s talking about, though. I feel I’ve seen the rizz in full flow. It’s certainly made me a little giggly in ways I shouldn’t be.

‘He’s personable. Never cruel, not the sort to not call someone back. He was always very kind. He once made the local paper at university because he saved a bag of kittens that he found in a skip.’

Mia cocks her head to one side, doe-eyed.

‘Yeah, except he brought them back to our student house and they were absolutely feral. This is why Jack has a scar above his eyebrow, because one of them attacked his face. I remember the night it happened – it literally jumped out of a houseplant like a very small tiger.’ Ed turns his hands into claws, mimicking said cat.

I notice Mia studying everything he’s saying, and I appreciate the concern she’s showing in trying to weigh up Jack’s character, almost as if she’s checking he’s good enough to be taking someone like me to Nando’s. ‘So, what we’re saying is that he’s a nice enough bloke, likes cats, possibly slightly commitment-phobic, some sexual experience under his belt,’ Mia concludes.

‘Pretty much. He likes his music, we used to like a fry-up on a Saturday morning, and he’d drag me around vinyl shops…’

Mia nods in approval.

‘Oooh… And if you wanted to know the person responsible for me wearing better fit jeans, then this is the man. Before I met Jack, I used to buy my jeans from supermarkets.’

Mia gives Ed a look. ‘I must remember to shake his hand next time I see him then. What about the job thing? Why all the career changes? Is the work ethic poor? Does he have issues with punctuality?’ she continues. I appreciate this deep dive into his personality on my behalf.

‘Oh, that’s all because of his brother…’

Mia and I sit there waiting for him to expand on his answer.

‘Ed, I’ve met this man a few times and you’ve not mentioned this. What about his brother?’ she says, turning to him, worried.

‘I told you he had a brother. His name is Dom. Anyway, when we graduated, we all had plans, but Dom’s wife passed away from cancer. She was super young, like in her mid-twenties, and he was suddenly alone with two young kids, so Uncle Jack moved in and helped him find his feet.’

I put a hand to my chest, sitting back on the sofa to hear it. Behind all that boyish charm is someone with real heart, with a warming back story that runs deep. I can’t help but be moved by it all. Mia grabs a throw cushion and slaps her husband with it. ‘Ed! You did not tell me that!’

‘I didn’t?’ he replies. Mia looks incredulous. ‘He did that for about three years. Moved in, did part-time jobs to help look after them and then after that never really found his stride.’

I sigh, understanding where all Jack’s mature empathy comes from. It comes from a good sincere place.

‘So, in essence, a decent human but a little lost?’ Mia summarises. She smiles at me when she says that. It’s sweet of her to think I’m in a similar situation. I’m not lost. I’ve been bloody deserted, marooned, stranded.

‘So… circling back to Zoe,’ she continues, trying to lighten the mood again. ‘Was his subconscious talking when he sent her the chicken emoji?’

Ed shakes his head from side to side. ‘It could have been pure coincidence. He could have sent her the chicken drumstick instead.’

‘Which would have also meant he wanted to bone her…’ Mia replies, which makes Ed laugh.

‘I really do not think Jack wants to bone me,’ I mumble, almost unable to repeat that sentence out loud. It feels like a ludicrous notion.

‘Who doesn’t want to bone who? What have I missed?’ a voice says, coming over to take in the gossip. It’s Beth who I haven’t seen in an age. Such are the first weeks of school, filled with departmental meetings and time spent locked in the copy room trying to remember how to copy things on both sides of the paper. I give her a hug as she comes and sits next to us on the big staff room sofas, offering her canteen chips around.

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