Page 15 of Textbook Romance

I nod gently, cradling my gin and tonic. We’ve escaped into the local pub for a post-first-day drink along with most of the staff. If there’s another thing teachers like to do, it’s drink. We teachers of London comprehensives are fifty percent alcohol, forty percent cake, ten percent sheer grit and fortitude. Drew and I hide away at a corner table, away from the lively modern languages lot and the peacocking PE department, so I can share with him the details of my awful separation and impending divorce.

‘Yes, turns out they’d been having an affair for about a year behind our respective spouses’ backs. That holiday in the Algarve was where it all started, apparently.’

My eyes go a bit hazy to think where and when it would have happened. They used to do the odd supermarket run together. I’m not sure how you start some lusty liaison in the aisles of a euro-mart over the Portuguese custard tarts and Fanta Limon. But after the holiday, they didn’t know how to stop, Brian said. I think of all Brian’s words since, the vernacular he’s used to describe their relationship – words like addictive, alive, thrilling. I remember my words back – words like selfish, mother, fucker. However it made him feel, it was still one whole year of lies. Liz’s husband, Greg, dug deeper and found all sorts in the aftermath. Everything from proof of midnight phone calls, to Travelodge visits and a secret folder of photos including one with a dildo. I didn’t want to see that, but Greg kept it all. As the kids at school would say, he kept those receipts.

‘Well, he’s a fucking swine and if I see him, I will tell him that to his face,’ Drew says, taking a long sip of his pint. I smile gratefully, but can’t imagine it, as Drew is gentle and not particularly athletic. But I like how he’s defending my honour and picked a side. ‘I messaged Louise. She says you are welcome at ours any time – she is distraught, but she wants you to know how much we love you.’

‘I appreciate that, I do.’

‘How are the kids?’ he asks.

‘Angry,’ I say, with a stab of sadness, thinking of the effect all this has had on them. ‘Not surprisingly, most of that comes from Lottie. She’s refusing to see him.’

Drew winces. He knows my Lottie. He knows that the girl is a hotbed of hormones and opinion. I would be lying if I didn’t say I liked the fire she’s exuded in sticking up for me and how we’ve grown closer as a consequence, but I don’t like seeing how hurt and sad she is about all of this.

‘Brian’s solicitor is telling me that as we’re potentially sharing custody, she has to see him, but my solicitor is arguing that she has rights, too. If she doesn’t want to see her father, then we can’t force it.’

‘Well, I think Brian’s got to understand that much.’ Drew puts a hand to mine. ‘I’m so sorry, Zoe.’

‘Oh, please don’t apologise. Unless you’re also having an affair with Brian?’

‘No. I wouldn’t know how to have an affair. Anyway, if I did, Lou would probably castrate me and feed my balls to the cat.’

I scrunch up my nose. ‘That’s an image I didn’t need in my head, Drew.’

He laughs and for a moment, that sound is a relief. I need to balance out all this awfulness with something else, anything else.

‘Are you OK?’ he asks.

I really don’t know how to answer. I realise that for a while, many people will ask out of obligation and then I will feel socially obliged not to make them feel uncomfortable and have to fill that silence with a stock answer. I’m here. I’m still standing. Just like Elton John.

‘I’ll get there.’

‘We’re maths people. We can find our way anywhere with the right co-ordinates.’

I can’t help laughing. He made a maths joke which I find particularly funny but maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I am boring. Maybe that’s why Brian left. I find quadratic equations fun and that’s not a huge selling point for any person.

‘MATHS CREW! Why do you always hide from the fun?’ a voice suddenly pipes up. It’s the lovely Mia, and beside her a familiar face from this morning: Jack. I can feel the blush rise in my cheeks. For no other reason than I was not expecting to see him this morning, and there’s possibly some shame at the idea of a complete stranger knowing my business and having seen that start point when my marriage completely unravelled. Here’s someone who knows that I’m not OK. He is pretty much how I remember him from that wedding – the scruffy hair, the kind eyes – though he’s swapped his shiny suit for flat front khaki chinos with brown, weathered boots and a light blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

‘I’m doing the rounds with Jack here. Drew, this is Jack Damon – he’s joined the study supervising team as a cover teacher. I believe you already know Zoe…’ Jack and Drew shake hands while I try to work out what Mia knows about how I know Jack. ‘Jack and Ed were mates at university, and we persuaded him to come and use his charms on the children.’

Jack catches my eye and smiles. After he observed my lesson today, we didn’t have time to chat; we were busy shepherding children, then he had to run to another class. Thank you, Mrs Swift! I learned a lot! he shouted as he threw his satchel over his shoulder. It was hard to think of him as a teacher. He looked far too carefree.

‘So did you teach before?’ Drew asks him.

‘I taught English as a foreign language in Italy, but I’ve been in between jobs since then. Mia and Ed think teaching may be the way forward,’ he explains. ‘I must say I learned a lot from Mrs Swift this morning, though.’

‘One of our best, I’m not surprised,’ Drew adds.

I punch his arm to downplay the compliment.

‘You can call me Zoe when the kids aren’t around,’ I joke. ‘Did you learn about sticking in worksheets straight?’

‘Yes, and I learned about labelling my axes. You really don’t like an unlabelled axis…’

For some reason, I giggle when he says this. ‘This is true.’

Mia grabs a stool, dragging it to the table to chat to Drew about weddings and summer holidays. Jack stands there with his hands still in his pockets and I get up to face him, both of us smiling. I feel like I know him, but I don’t. In fact, I want to hug him, but I have an inkling that might scare him.

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