Page 38 of Cowboy and the Convict

She bit her lower lip in an attempt to keep the question burning her insides contained. It didn’t work. “Why?”

“I didn’t see anyone else stepping up to do it.” His warm hands worked alongside her neck, carefully easing her hair from the wrap of the blanket. “That includes you.”

Janie swallowed hard around the lump in her throat. “I had other things to worry about.”

“I know.” Devon’s touch lingered even when her hair was free, the raspy brush of his calloused hands along her skin sending shivers down her spine. “But you’ve still got to take care of yourself.”

“Do you take care of yourself?” The accusation jumped out. An automatic defense she’d lost control of long ago.

“I try.” The mouth she was a little too focused on lifted into a smirk. “Those muscles you mentioned Friday don’t come out of nowhere.” His thumbs brushed along her cheeks. “And yes, I know I could have spent the time I put in at the gym cleaning my house, but if there’s nothing left of me, what in the hell am I supposed to give my girls?”

A wry smile worked onto her mouth. “There’s the difference between us. I don’t have anyone wanting a piece of me.”

Devon’s gaze heated, eyes dropping to her mouth. “That’s not true and you know it.”

Every nerve ending in her body went haywire, sending her heart racing and her pussy throbbing. This was why she’d tried to escape him. Many times. From the very beginning, she knew Devon Peters was dangerous. A hazard to be avoided at all costs. But his kind of threat was so different from all the ones she’d faced before.

With him she wouldn’t lose money or sanity. She wouldn’t risk her safety or her well-being. Only her heart. Maybe her soul. The only two things she’d managed to hang onto all these years.

And she couldn’t do it. Couldn’t go down that road knowing it might be the path to ruin.

“I can’t…” She swallowed hard, the words bitter and wrong even though she knew they had to be said. “I can’t be what you need. What your daughters need.” She hesitated before adding on the last bit. The part that was maybe the most important. “What you had before.”

She’d done her best not to think of Devon’s wife. Being jealous of someone who’d lost everything felt wrong. Ugly. But that didn’t mean there weren’t moments that guilty emotion didn’t slip through the cracks to remind her he’d had it all. A perfect life with a perfect wife.

That was how she imagined the woman she never knew. Perfect. It’s what he deserved.

And what she wasn’t.

Devon’s expression turned sad, a punch to the gut knowing she’d brought it on. She’d reminded him of his wife and how he would never get that back. Especially not with her.

But then he said something that stunned her.

“Maggie was planning to divorce me before she found out she was sick.” He took a deep breath, one she felt in her own chest. “I found out the day we got her diagnosis. She confessed everything. That she hadn’t been happy in years.” One hand moved to her hair, slowly coiling a curl around his finger. “That she’d never loved me the way she should have.”

Janie stared at him, unable to fully process what he was telling her, which was probably why she asked, “Was she an idiot?”

Devon’s eyes widened in surprise the same time hers did. Clamping one hand over her mouth, Janie shook her head. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—”

Devon caught her hand, pulling it away. “Don’t apologize. That’s part of why I like you. You say exactly what you’re thinking.” His thumb stroked the center of her palm. “You don’t hold it in.” He lifted her arm, brushing his lips against the pulse point at the inside of her wrist, revealing how surprisingly sensitive the spot was. “I don’t have to wonder what’s going on in your head.” Another pass of his lips. “How you feel.”

She couldn’t look away from where his mouth teased the bit of skin peeking out the bottom of her sleeve. “Most people don’t like that about me.”

“Most people don’t find out their wife hadn’t loved them for years and just didn’t want to tell them.” Devon released her hand, letting it fall to the blanket. “Right before she died.”

The full impact of what happened to Devon hit her like a ton of bricks. “Oh shit.” It was an impossible scenario to imagine. One she wouldn’t begin to know how to come to terms with. “But… Wait…” The timeline he’d laid out started to sink in, bringing her to another painful realization. “You stayed with her even after you found out she didn’t want to be married to you anymore.”

“Of course I did.” He said it like he’d never considered anything else. “She needed me. Needed my insurance and my help while she went through chemo.”

This time it was Janie reaching for his hand, lacing their fingers. Offering support she didn’t really know how to give. “I’m sure she appreciated it.”

“She did.” His grip tightened around hers. “It was difficult at the beginning, coming to terms with all the changes.” Devon’s thumb stroked across her skin. “But then it started to become clear she wasn’t going to get better.” His eyes dropped. “And it got even worse.”

Her throat tightened and she scooted closer, spreading the second blanket Devon brought out over their laps, covering as much of him as she could as the night grew colder. “Because you were going to lose her?”

“That’s a complicated answer.” He took a deep breath. “I think it would have been easier if I could have just been sad over losing her.” Devon’s words were soft. Like he’d never said them out loud before tonight. “But I was also angry. Mad she hadn’t told me sooner. Mad she held something like that back for so long.” He swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing with the act. “It made our whole marriage feel like a lie.”

She’d been through her fair share of relationships with an emotionally closed off partner. But this was different.

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