Page 40 of Cowboy and the Convict

And the second they had, he’d grabbed an armful of blankets and rushed out to where Janie was, knowing they would be alone. That he could carve out a little more time with her. Have her to himself for a while. Never did he expect the turn it would take. The truth he would share for the first time. The confession he would finally make.

No one knew what Maggie told him when she got sick. Not her mother. Not his parents. No one. They’d decided together it was something they’d tackle when she got better. But that never happened, and he didn’t want to change everyone else’s perception of what they’d had. It didn’t seem right to put his own pain on someone else.

But with Janie, it was different. She felt so deeply. Carried her emotions front and center for everyone to see. She wouldn’t see his feelings as a burden. She would see them as a connection. The kind of intimacy he believed they both craved.

“What do you think, J?” Devon teased one finger along the waistband of those damn leggings he would never be able to look at the same way, hinting at another kind of intimacy he was eager to offer. “Is it too cold to come outside?”

The air rushed out of her lungs in a sharp exhale. “I can’t believe you just asked me that.”

“Why?” He dipped one finger under the stretchy fabric. “Did the dad jeans make you think I didn’t have any game?”

Janie huffed out a little laugh, relaxing just the tiniest bit. “It was more the dad jokes than anything.”

“If you think you’re going to hurt my feelings, you're wrong.” He continued stroking her stomach, fingers barely breaching the waistband of her pants. “I know what I am and I’ve embraced it.” He met her gaze. “Just like you.”

It was another reason he knew they’d be good together. Neither of them was trying to be something they weren’t. He could take her at face value and she could do the same.

“I didn’t really embrace it. I was just too over everything to care what people thought of me anymore.” Her voice was soft. “It’s exhausting to live your whole life trying to meet someone else’s expectations.” The vulnerability in her eyes cut into him.

But it also soothed the parts of him that were still raw from Maggie’s confession years ago. Knowing the honesty and openness Janie possessed wasn’t just limited to certain feelings only made him more positive there could be something there.

Something big. As long as he could get her over this hump.

And showing Janie what all was in it for her would be a great first step.

“Then it’s good I don’t have any.” He’d learned long ago what could happen when you lived in your expectations. You missed signs you should have seen. Signs that could have pointed you in a different direction—possibly a better one—before it was too late. “We can just take this one step at a time and see where it takes us.”

Janie snorted. “Again, I’m not really great at that kind of thing.”

He smiled, pulling her closer with the arm around her back, dragging her up onto his lap so he could feel her body against his the way he wanted to.

“Then I’ll go with the flow and you can make the waves. How’s that sound?”

She curled closer, melting into him the same way she had at the football game. “You make it sound so easy.”

“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have to be hard.” It could be, he knew that. His parents had one of the best marriages he’d ever seen and they still had their fights. Their disagreements. But all in all, the love they had for each other was easy. Natural. Honest and real.

That’s what he wanted. Something real. Something he didn’t have to question.

Janie studied him. “Was your marriage hard?”

“It was.” He pulled the blankets closer, tucking them tighter around her body. “I just didn’t know it.”

Janie worked one hand free from the blankets he’d just carefully put in place, bringing the tips of her fingers to move along his face in a touch unlike any she’d offered before. Usually she just held on tight. Gripped him like any second he might run away. Leave her behind.

“I’m sorry.”

The words were simple, but they lifted a weight he’d been carrying for a long time. She wasn’t sharing his burden, he wouldn’t put that on her. But she understood it. Empathized with his pain and anger.

“I’m not. Not anymore.” Not now that he saw what was on the other side of all of it.

Would he give anything for Maggie to still be here, loving on their girls, living a life that would make her happy? Of course. But that wasn’t an option he had. So all he could do was keep moving forward. Learn from the pain and heartache.

And appreciate his second chance. Be grateful he got one.

Not everyone did.

“Dad.”

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