Page 108 of Bad & Bossy

“I slipped. I slipped and fell and ended up so far down a hole that I didn’t know how to climb back out. I’d never fallen so hard before. It was a miracle I didn’t drink myself to death. I had a child, now, and I had a vision for what I wanted my life to be, and I watched through a pinhole as it all crumbled, as I turned into my father. I couldn’t be what I needed to be for either of them, and so I had to let go.”

A knot formed in the back of my throat. I hadn’t imagined it being this hard, but I also hadn’t in my wildest dreams imagined she’d be standing across the room from me when I did it.

“She had so much on her plate,” I croaked. “I couldn’t be the father I needed to be, and she had to make the tough call on whether to allow me around our son. And ultimately, she was right. I wasn’t safe.” I sniffled, pushing down the crowd’s stares as they slowly built up again until it was just us, “My fucking friend died, and after seeing someone sprawled out on my floor, no pulse, no breathing, because they’d choked on their own vomit after passing out from alcohol poisoning, I could have easily gone back down the hole. It was already there, neatly dug and waiting for me, but I didn’t. I chose not to. I climbed out instead.”

A single clap almost made me laugh.

“I’m sorry, Angie, I’m almost done,” I said, huffing out a chuckle. She turned in her chair, crossed her wrinkled arms across her chest, and sat back. “I did it right this time, but I faltered. The night before my son’s birthday, I drank myself stupid, cursing myself for not being strong enough to be there for it. But when morning came, when I realized that I could survive the day, I didn’t want to lose it again. I picked myself up and I tried again. I gave myself grace, but I didn’t need it in the end.”

Dana’s shaking hands covered her mouth, her hazel eyes sparkling with what I could only assume were tears. My lips twitched up at the edges as I jumbled the words around again in my mind, picking and choosing what I’d keep and what I wouldn’t.

“For the woman I love endlessly, I stayed sober. For my son, I stayed sober. And most importantly, for myself, I stayed sober. One year ago today, I made that choice. And for the first time since I was ten, I can proudly say that I can’t see myself ever touching it again.”

The dullest round of applause echoed through the stupidly large space, but I didn’t care.

I didn’t care about the chip Emily would give me.

I didn’t care about Grayson’s pride.

I didn’t care about Angie being the only one not clapping.

The only thing I cared about was the woman my body was already moving toward, the one I physically shoved a man-filled chair out of the way for.

She moved, too, stepping toward me, the tears streaming down her face almost making her look like some kind of horror show from the mascara, but I didn’t care. I’d love horror shows for the rest of my fucking life.

Her body met mine and I wrapped my arms around her waist, digging my fingers into her, feeling her for the first time in almost a year. I held her close, a little sob breaking through as she buried herself in the crook of my neck.

I’d spent the last year of my life feeling better and better, but not a single moment of it compared to the way it felt to hold her, to have her, to touch her, even if it was only for tonight. For a moment, even. I’d take it over nothing.

“Is this part of the speech?” Angie griped.

“Shut up, Angela,” Gray hissed.

I gently took her by the back of her neck, forcing her to look up at me, and pressed my lips to hers before she could change her mind. I let her go only briefly, only to take her face in my hands instead, and swiped my thumbs under her eyes. Her lips parted, and my heart nearly imploded.

————

“So you’re not riding back with me?” Lottie laughed as she pulled open the door of her Range Rover. I spun my newly-gained gold chip between my fingers as the remnants of the meeting attendees left the gymnasium, my arm firmly around Dana as I held her to my chest.

Dana lifted her middle finger to Lottie in reply.

I chuckled into the top of her head and tightened my grip. I couldn’t find it in me to let go of her, not yet. I didn’t know how long it would last, and although I didn’t want to tempt fate, I couldn’t help but feel like maybe, hopefully, this was the time I’d been waiting for.

I opened the rear door of my Maybach for her and she turned to look up at me with one brow raised. She still looked like a mess—my mess. “In,” I grinned.

“The back?”

I slipped into the seat and lifted the center console, turning it into a singular long cushion that stretched the width of the car. “In, Dana,” I said again, and within seconds, she was climbing in behind me and shutting the door.

I didn’t have to tell her what I wanted.

She crawled into my lap, her jeans stretching as she sat astride me. Her lips met mine, and fuck, she tasted just as I remembered, just as I’d craved for almost a year, maybe even my entire life.

Over and over, she kissed me. Over and over, she drank me in, her hands exploring more than just my neck and face. She pulled each button of my shirt, pushing until the collar gave way and hung from my shoulders, the fabric clinging to my arms and keeping its hold from where I’d tucked it in. I let her call the shots for once, eager to not take her a step too far, but she seemed just as desperate for me as I was for her.

Her forehead rested against mine as she lifted herself onto her knees, just barely gaining a height advantage while she pulled my shirt from my slacks. “You can see him,” she breathed, her eyes fluttering shut as she pressed a quick kiss to my lips. “Whenever you want, Cole, you can see him. Surprise him for his birthday. It’s okay if we have to wake him up.”

God, it felt so much better to hear that than I thought it would.

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