Page 70 of Bad & Bossy

“I can’t.”

Her lips pressed together and she nodded in understanding. “Do you want to see Drew?”

“Please.”

We stepped out of the car in unison. I checked the time, it was nearing Drew’s usual down-and-out-for-the-night hour. I didn’t have long to spend with him but I’d take what I could. I needed his peace.

Inside, the nanny held him on her lap on the couch, a bottle shoved between his gums. His eyes were already fluttering closed, but the moment he saw both of us, he perked right up.

Dana relieved the nanny and plucked him from her lap, getting a brief rundown of the evening’s events while she was out. Dana thanked her and she was soon out the door, leaving just the three of us in peace.

Fuck, I wanted to stay.

I sat down next to her on the rickety couch, the burning in my throat subsiding just a hair, and pulled Drew into my lap. His wide green eyes looked up at me, the biggest smile crossing his face. He didn’t care that I was a mess. He didn’t care that I was barely holding myself together. He just liked looking at me, being held by me, cuddling with me. I wished that was enough for everyone else.

Between the cushion and the side of the couch, a little book stuck out. I pulled it from the trenches as Dana leaned against me, holding up Drew’s bottle as if he still cared about it. He was far too transfixed with the stubble on my cheeks, though.

It was a copy of Winnie the Pooh.

I turned him in my lap, letting him lean back against my stomach as I opened up the book in front of all of us, Dana’s watchful eyes focusing in on it. “You want to read to him?”

“Yeah,” I breathed.

She took a moment, mulling it over, before she snuggled in closer and nodded against my shoulder.

The words blended together, a cacophony of harmonious phrases from my own rough voice and giggles from Drew. The more I read, the sleepier he got, his eyes closing then opening, only to close again, fighting it. Dana listened quietly, only perking up the handful of times that Drew coughed or wiggled slightly, the worry between her brows evident as only a mother’s can be.

The longer I stared at the words, the more they started to blend into shapes I didn’t quite recognize. It took me longer than it should have to read through a children’s book, and although I played it off with feigned exhaustion, it worried me. It felt like I was falling apart at the seams; if I couldn’t do something I’d been able to reliably do since childhood, what the fuck was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just handle shit the way everyone else did?

And why did it have to be Winnie the Pooh, of all things?

I knew these stories like the back of my hand. Knew them in my bones, could recite them from memory. That was my saving grace when the words blended together, when they became nothing more than garbled images chewed up and spat out by a heffalump.

By the time I gently shut the book with one hand, my other arm around Dana’s shoulders, Drew had lulled himself into a snotty sleep against my stomach. I watched him longer than I needed to, taking in every breath, every little snore. I almost wished I could lie there with him all night or even forever if it meant feeling that peace and calm, just the rise and fall of his little chest with his hand clinging onto the rubber giraffe.

Gently, Dana pulled herself out from under my arm and out of my grasp, careful not to move either of us. “I’ll get his pacifier before he swallows that poor giraffe whole.”

She disappeared around the corner, leaving me alone with her sleeping child. I stuck the book back in its hiding spot and rested one hand below Drew’s bent, stubby legs, keeping him in place.

“Who are you?”

I met the eyes of Vee when I heard the words. Dragging my attention from him, I realized I’d almost forgotten she was staying with Dana… when the hell had she come in?

I cleared my throat as gently as I could so I wouldn’t wake Drew. “Cole,” I said, my voice still a little craggy. “Cole Pearson. We met a few weeks ago.”

Her mouth opened around the sound of a silent ahh as she leaned forward onto the island that divided the kitchen from the living room. “The infamous Cole. Didn’t realize you were the same guy.”

What the fuck did that mean? Did Dana have other guys coming around?

“You’re the rich one, right?” she asked, one eye closing in a wink as she laughed a little too loud for my liking. I glanced down at Drew to make sure he was still asleep.

“If you want to boil me down to that, then sure.”

She looked off in the direction of Dana’s room as she unwrapped a tiny piece of chocolate. “How’d you two meet, then? You must be awfully fuckin’ special if you’re keeping her away from her kid this much.”

I grimaced as Drew shifted, his little body leaning a little too far to one side, but I caught him before he could fall and wake himself. “I wouldn’t say I’m keeping her away from him,” I grumbled, tucking my arm a little tighter into him. “We met through some mutual friends early last year.”

“Last year, huh?” she said, her voice muffled by the chocolate as her brows shot up. A chuckle seeped its way out, her head shaking. “Figures.”

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