Page 33 of Bad & Bossy

The bottles strewn across his counter a year ago. The drinking first thing in the morning. The anger. The way he always smelled faintly of booze when I met up with him despite not appearing drunk. I don’t know how I’d never put two-and-two together considering my experience with it, but realization sank like a stone in my gut.

Cole was an alcoholic, just like my mother.

Chapter 11

Cole

“Iwas young when I started drinking,” I spoke carefully, monitoring the faces of those in the circle around me for any sign of recognition. I’d worn a surgical mask under the guise of worry about illnesses, but in honesty, it was more in the hope that no one would recognize me.

It was my first AA meeting since getting back, and although I had Bobby beside me, it was more intimidating than the circular meetings we had back in rehab. I knew everyone in those, had heard their stories countless times and they’d heard mine. Here, I was starting from scratch.

“Probably fourteen, maybe fifteen,” I continued. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my trembling hands. “My parents never noticed any of their liquor missing from the cabinet and probably wouldn’t have cared if they did. I was an afterthought for them, really. An inconvenience at best.”

“Is that what drove you to the bottle?” Emily, the leader of the group, asked gently.

I shook my head. “Maybe eventually. But it was my friends’ influence, at first. I realized how much I liked how it made me feel, how easily I was able to forget about everything else, and so when things started to get really bad at home, it was the first thing I turned to.”

“Your parents never realized you were drunk?” Emily asked.

“No. They barely paid any attention, and by the time it started to become a real problem for me, they dropped me off at my aunt’s with a single suitcase and a bank account. They told me I was old enough to leave them alone.” I shoved my hands under my thighs, needing to calm them. Bobby scrolled through social media beside me.

“How old were you, Cole?”

“Sixteen,” I said simply, watching as the most minuscule flicker of surprise rippled across her aging features. “My family is my biggest trigger.”

————

Bobby didn’t share his story. I didn’t mind—we all take things as slowly or quickly as we need to—and Bobby being himself with a new group wasn’t completely within the norm for him anyway. He chatted idly about some game he’d been playing lately as he sipped at his mug of coffee in the back of the meeting room.

I stood by him instead of mingling and getting to know the others. Although I’d grown comfortable enough to remove the mask, I wanted to stick by Bobby. I didn’t want to veer him off course by ostracizing him.

“Cole?”

Emily stood behind me, clipboard in hand, a soft smile on her face. Her gray hair flowed around her features in ringlets, bouncing as her head tilted to one side at Bobby, probably curious about his lack of participation.

“I’m really glad you guys came today. It’s always nice to have new faces around here,” she said, offering out a hand. “How long have you been sober now? I missed that part.”

“Seven months yesterday for both of us,” I said, shaking her hand. I pulled my coin out of my pocket and held it up. “Still carry my six-month chip, though.”

“Ah!” She reached into her purse, fumbling around for something before pulling out fresh coins with red paint on them. “Lucky for you, I’ve got a couple of seven-month ones you can have.”

She grinned as she held them out to me. I took them hesitantly and passed one to Bobby. “Thank you.”

“Look, I know this is a little forward,” she said carefully, “but I know you said your original sponsor is out in California. If you’re looking for a local one, I’m happy to sponsor you. I’ve been at this for over ten years now, and I sponsor some of the others, as well.”

Sponsor. My sponsor from rehab had been assigned to me. To have someone offering it with such ease seemed almost foreign. “Really?” I asked, glancing at Bobby who was far too distracted with his phone and his cup of coffee. “I’d love that.”

“Of course. The first year is the hardest, you know. You need someone reliable that you can meet on a whim if needed,” she explained. “Doing this kind of thing is honestly what keeps me away from the bottle the best.”

I huffed a chuckle and turned the seven-month coin in my hand. “Thank you. That’s… that’s exactly what I need. My life is really hectic at the moment and having someone I can see in person when things go south would really help.”

“Why’s it so hectic?” she asked, her head tilting again and sending her curls bouncing. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

I shook my head. “It’s fine.” I stuffed the coin in my pocket and picked up my cup of coffee out of instinct. “I’ve just gotten into a romantic situation, I guess you could say. It’s a bit confusing.”

“A new relationship?”

“Not exactly,” I laughed. “But I guess something along those lines. It’s… complicated.”

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