Page 14 of Bad & Bossy

“Do you hate me?” he’d asked.

“This is bad, Cole. Really bad. I need you to understand that,” I'd said, my hand sweeping beneath my hair to free it from my dress.

“Not into bad boys?” he’d asked, snorting at his own joke.

“This isn’t bad boy behavior.”

His eyes had turned hard as I slid my heels on, the rejection switching right on. “Fine. Then this fling is over and I'll continue the party without you."

I’d stiffened my jaw and pushed past him, the backs of my eyes burning. It hadn’t felt like a fling, like a one or two night stand like he was implying, but if that’s what he wanted to pretend that it was, then fine. “I’m going home,” I’d said, but the words had come out croaky through the knot in my throat.

I’d held back the tears as I blindly found the exit of his apartment with no help from him, shouting out to him to not bother calling me. I’d held them back as I descended the stairs and called for a taxi. I’d held them back the entire ride home, looking a mess and doing the walk of goddamn shame.

But in the safety of my house with no one else around to see me, I’d let myself feel everything.

————

My knees gave out from under me. I gripped the stroller’s handle as my right shin and kneecap hit the cement, a bright bloom of acidic pain lancing out from under my leggings. Drew’s seat tipped back—he didn’t weigh nearly enough to counteract my stumble—and as he started to kick and cry from the sudden shift in his world, the pain dissipated. He could cry for me.

I picked myself up from the ground and clocked a bench about ten feet ahead. Pushing Drew and limping my way to it, I collapsed onto the cold decrepit wood and caught my breath.

Drew’s little whimpers and cries had a pull on me that I had never thought possible. Every time he cried, a pit formed in my stomach, an ache to soothe and calm him at all costs. I wasn’t sure what I thought motherhood would be like, but there were parts of it that surprised me nearly every day.

I scooped him from his stroller, passing a quick glance at my knee as I bent over. My leggings had torn, the skin beneath raw and bleeding, but I would deal with that later. Instead, I leaned back with his little body in my arms, rocking him gently enough so that he calmed and my body didn’t protest too hard.

It was strange looking down at him and seeing his plump little face, the tiny bit of blonde hair that ghosted his head, the little specks of blues, greens, and browns in his eyes. He’d changed so much in the three months since he’d been born. No longer was he this intensely fragile, wrinkly little infant. Now he was an intensely fragile chubby baby.

And god dammit, I loved him.

The more I watched him settle in my arms, the more it cemented in my mind that I couldn’t quit my job. It worked too well for both of us when Cole wasn’t interrupting my shift schedule by making a surprise appearance. As much as I loved my job at the Harris Ranch, this one paid so well and was understanding when it came to childcare duties.

I knew Lottie would have gone above and beyond to make the ranch worth it as well. But I couldn’t lean on her generosity. There was only so much she could do anyway. Being with the horses meant being there at the crack of dawn and doing that with a baby on my hip seemed almost impossible. I could have been moved to admin, but again, I needed to figure out my own path and my own way instead of relying on Lottie’s help to make things work.

Plus, I’d barely given the brewery a chance. I’d only been there a couple of months before my water broke mid-tour, and after my almost two-month long maternity break, I’d come back before I was needed to make ends meet. I couldn’t just abandon it after only working there for about three months total.

I had to make it work. I had to do this myself—for Drew, for both of us. No matter what.

————

A familiar head of wavy deep brown hair was looking in my front window as I jogged up to the house, my right knee screaming at me.

With her hands cupped around her eyes and her face pressed against the glass, I couldn’t help but chuckle under my breath. If she’d just called me instead of appearing out of the blue I would’ve just told her I was out, maybe then I wouldn’t have arrived home to find a “peeping Veronica” at my windows.

As silently as I could, I pushed Drew’s stroller with his sleeping body up the little hill of my driveway. “It’s a bit creepy to be looking in someone’s windows, Vee.”

She jumped, her tanned, freckled face meeting mine with a hint of blush on her cheeks. “I thought you were dead!”

My sister could be dramatic, to say the least. Always expecting the worst-case scenario. I was shocked she hadn’t overturned all of the rocks in front of my porch searching for a hidden key.

It was in the little wooden mallard, she would’ve never found it anyway.

“And you didn’t think to call first?” I snorted. I picked up the little mallard and flipped it over, plucking the key out of its belly and giving her a wink. I hated taking my keys with me on runs. “I’m sure if I was dead, you would’ve heard Drew screaming his little head off.”

“Or giggling up a storm,” Veronica countered, side-eyeing my child as if he were the spawn of the devil.

I shoved the key in the lock and opened up the door before replacing the spare in its ducky home. “For the last time, Vee, he’s not the anti-Christ.”

She followed me inside, the screen door slamming behind her and nearly falling off its hinges. For a rental, it wasn’t the worst place imaginable, but it wasn’t exactly very well-looked after by previous tenants. Or me. I had bigger things to worry about.

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