Page 100 of Bad & Bossy

I shrugged. “Don’t have one yet. Haven’t decided. I’ll just study the basics this year and we’ll see how it goes.”

A silence hung between us for a moment as we both ate. Vee didn’t make a peep, she was here to be our referee and to keep Drew happy. I hadn’t quite forgiven her yet, but she seemed more than happy to pretend like nothing had happened between us. That was how she operated—what had passed was in the past. She never wallowed in it.

“I’m proud of you, you know,” Mom said, and I wanted to drop my fork in frustration. “Don’t give me that look, Dana. I’m being serious.”

“You could have been proud of me the first time I tried to go to college ten years ago,” I grumbled.

“I was then, and I am now.” A sympathetic smile crept across her cheeks, reminding me far too much of the ones she’d give us when we cried about her being inebriated. “And I’m sorry, for what it’s worth, that I didn’t come to your high school graduation. That’s one of my biggest regrets.”

I took another bite, weighing whether or not to accept her apology for one of her biggest moments of disappointment for me. But I was in the spirit of forgiveness, and the more Drew giggled and tried to escape from Vee’s arms, the softer I became.

Fuck it. “I forgive you,” I said.

Maybe I’d learn to forgive her for more things down the line. But it was a process, and I only had so much in me in one day.

————

In a moment of pure calm for once in my fucking life, I stirred the soup that simmered on the stove and watched Drew on the monitor beside me as he snoozed away in his crib. I guess both of us had a bit of peace tonight.

A rerun of Friends played quietly in the background so I could still hear and Drew could still sleep. Things were getting easier the older he got. But a part of me still felt guilty every time I looked at him. I could see Cole in him so much more than before, could see it in the way he laughed and the way he smiled, in the mop of blonde hair that seemed to have sprouted overnight.

What would he think if he saw him now?

What would Drew think?

Would he call him Dada instinctually? I hadn’t taught him that word like I had with Mama. Would he still cry for him like he did when we were in Costa Rica, when he wouldn’t stop wailing even in my arms, wouldn’t calm down until Cole held him?

I was grateful for Cole. He’d given me Drew, and that was a gift I could never repay. And he’d given me a glowing letter of recommendation when I’d resigned, a letter that had landed me a job in the head office of a soft drinks corporation with better pay and better benefits.

But I couldn’t decide if I was grateful for the silence he’d given me. Three months in, he’d stopped calling me every day. He’d stopped texting. He’d stopped badgering Lottie for information about my new job. He’d relented, and although I found that life was easier when I could forget he existed, it felt more like I was losing him altogether.

I battled the urge to call him the same way I did every night.

Maybe instead of a call, I could text him. I could throw out a lifeline if he needed one. I hadn’t heard anything from Lottie about his relapse, hadn’t asked, but if he was still in the trenches…

I hope you’re okay.

Sent.

A knock at the door nearly had me jumping out of my skin.

I moved the soup off of the hot burner and turned off the stove before anxiously making my way to the door. I was still afraid that it could be Robert, or Bobby, or whatever the hell his name was. I hadn’t quite recovered from that ordeal.

I pulled open the door, making a mental note to replace the cheap wood tomorrow, and lost every bit of breath in my lungs.

Dark blonde hair, a little shaggy, but not too bad. Clean-shaven jaw, slightly tanned skin, too tall for my door, and fuck, those eyes. The same eyes I see in my son every goddamn day. “How did you…?”

Cole’s brows knitted as he looked me up and down. I’d forgotten I was only in a baggy T-shirt, shit, it was his. “How did I what?”

“I just, uh, I just sent you a text.”

The laugh that came from him made my cheeks heat and my chest ache, but in a good way. Seeing that damn dimple pop out was the cherry on top. “I left my phone in the car,” he said, gesturing behind him. “I had no idea.”

Reality settled in as I realized this wasn’t some kind of fever dream I’d conjured up from thinking about him. Cole was here, on my front porch, uninvited. He didn’t smell of booze, he didn’t look like he’d been through the ringer like he did the last time I saw him. He looked… healthy. I shook my head. “I’m sorry, why are you here?”

“Right. I… yeah. I brought you something, if that’s okay. I just wanted to give it to you and then I’ll go,” he said. I couldn’t think of a single time I’d seen him this nervous. If it was any other day, I would have told him to leave and then spend the rest of my night sobbing in my bed. But whatever weird coincidence was happening here was almost too laughable for me to be angry.

“Uh, yeah, okay.”

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