Page 42 of Losing My Rejection

In a rush I dried and pulled on a pair of clean jeans and a shirt. I didn’t even bother to glance through the peephole before I opened the door.

My heart nearly stopped in my chest and my jaw hung loose. There, standing framed in my doorway, was the last person I ever expected to see outside my hotel room. In fact, the last person I thought I’d see ever again.

My father.

We stared at one another for a long moment.

“Can I come in?” he asked at last.

I’m not sure what possessed me to do it, but I stepped to the side, allowing him into my hotel room. He walked through the room to the window and stared out at the small town beyond.

“Not a bad little place to end up,” he said, giving me a sort of half smile. “It’s kinda quaint. And right on the lake, so I’m sure you feel right at home.”

I pushed the door closed, a surge of anger filling my chest. “Except I can’t go home, can I?” I scoffed. “Why the hell are you here?”

He opened his mouth as if to argue, an angry expression crossing his face. He never liked it when people called him out on his bullshit and he especially didn’t like it from me. But I didn’t fucking care. He was in my hotel room and invading my life.

“Aren’t you going to offer me a chair or something?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “No actually, I’m not. Because I don’t want you here.”

“I thought you would’ve been happy to see your old man.”

“I don’t see him,” I stated plainly. “All I see is the man that kicked me out of my home and my pack because I dared to be something other than what he wanted.”

My father took a deep breath and blew out a long sigh. “I know,” he replied, shaking his head. “And I don’t blame you.”

I already had my mouth open to retort, but as his words sunk in, my irritation wavered. Instead I just asked him, “Why are you here?”

“I came back to ask you to come home.”

It felt like I’d been suddenly punched in the chest. My father was asking me to come home? This was the man who told me to never darken his doorway again.

“I made a mistake sending you away,” he continued. “I can see that now.” He stepped over to the bed, sinking down on the edge of it as he rubbed his face against his palms. “When you told me you didn’t want to be Gamma, I felt like you were doing it just to hurt me. It’s not secret you and I haven’t gotten along that well since… since…”

“Since mom died?” I asked, saying what he couldn’t bring himself to utter.

He nodded. “I tried to convince myself you were being defiant. That you were spitting in the face of everything I’d worked so hard to accomplish. I didn’t become Gamma to please my own ego… I did it for you mother and for you, so I could pass a legacy onto you that you could be proud of. One that would take care of you.” He sighed again. “But I was being prideful. I was so caught up in my own plans that I didn’t stop to consider yours and that you might want something different out of this life than I do. I didn’t even know you wanted to be a cook until you went to college.”

“You might have,” I retorted. “If you’d paid any attention to me or listened to a word I said after mom died.”

I could see the tears welling up in his eyes as he stared up at me. “I… I was lost,” he said at last. “That day she died, it felt like I died with her.”

“And do you think that’s a good excuse for leaving me to fend for myself for years?” I snapped back, tears welling up in my eyes too. “You left a thirteen-year-old child to raise himself while you went and played friends with the pack leader. I had my own grief too, you know. And I had to get through all of it by myself!”

“I’m sorry, Josh,” he said softly, the tone of his voice nearly breaking my heart. “I know it won’t fix any of it, but I am sorry. Truly.”

A rush of emotion washed over me. There was definitely anger and most of it I’d given up on resolving years ago. But there was also a fresh surge of grief, both for Mom’s early demise and the sadness that came from realizing my father could no longer look at me. I’d lost both parents that day. He only lost his wife.

“You’re right,” I growled, holding back tears as I pointed a threatening finger at him. “It’s not going to fucking fix it! You abandoned me when Mom died and you did it again when I didn’t want to be Gamma. How can I trust you? What if I tell you in a month that I want to go join the circus, are you going to just abandon me then too?!”

“You have every right to be angry.” I hated how calm he was. It made me even more irate. “And I know there’s nothing I can do to convince you right this moment that I mean what I say. I… I suppose I’ll have to prove it to you.”

“How the fuck are you gonna do that?”

“Come home with me.”

All the air rushed out of my lungs.

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