Page 32 of Losing My Rejection

Then, one night after a long day of baking, Andy caught me by surprise.

“Let’s do something different tonight,” he said as we ascended the ladder into his apartment. “I want to get out and go somewhere.”

Immediately I was on the defensive. “Together?” I asked, already terrified of the implications. “I… I don’t know if I’m ready for that…”

“Not in public,” Andy smiled, trying to reassure me. “Somewhere private where we can be alone. Like the beach.”

“You want to go to the beach? At ten at night?”

“Why not?” He slipped a hand around my waist, pulling me close. “How long has it been since you shifted and blew off some steam?”

I didn’t really want to answer. It had been far too long. But, swallowing hard, I fessed up. “Since… Since the last full moon.”

“That was almost a month ago!”

I nodded. “It was only for a few minutes too… I was… distraught.”

His expression immediately softened. I loved how he was always so gentle with me, I just hated that I needed it at all. I had Alpha blood running through my veins. I should be tough and strong and brave no matter what. But the truth was, Andy was the strong one. Meanwhile, I felt like a crumbling ruin at all times.

“Well, it sounds like you need some play time then.”

“Play time?”

“Yeah. You know? Like running around and being silly?”

“You want me to act like a puppy?”

“Better than being so wound up like you are all the time.” He held a hand up to block my retort. “Don’t think I don’t notice you being weird all day long in the bakery. I can practically hear your thoughts. I know you’re still second-guessing everything all the time.” He pulled me close, kissing my forehead. “And that’s okay. But I figure you could use some time to unwind a little and just be silly.”

I let out a long sigh, knowing he was right. The idea of being out in public with him was terrifying, even if it was on a beach in the middle of the night. What if someone saw us? What if they thought we were together? I leaned my head against his shoulder. Were we together? Would that make me happy? Hell, would Andy even allow that in the first place? Is this what I wanted out of life?

“You’re overthinking again,” Andy said, kissing the top of my head. “I can feel your skull heating up.”

“Ha ha,” I muttered, pulling away from him.

Andy tensed his muscles, forcing me to stay put. “No. You stay right here, babe. I like holding you.”

Another battle with my pride. I loved being held by him but it didn’t feel manly. Then again, I’d never been concerned with being manly before all this happened. Now that I was having sex with a man I felt the sudden need to be more of a man to balance everything out. It was stupid, I knew that. My brain was doing everything it could to get me to run. So far I was happy my heart wouldn’t allow it.

“Josh,” Andy sighed. “Stop it.”

“Sorry,” I replied, shaking my head. “I… I’m a bit nervous about the beach. Do you think anyone will be there?”

“It’s closed to humans after dark. But the next full moon is in a few days, so it’s possible. However, as soon as they smell us, they’ll turn the other way. Everyone around here is pretty respectful of space, even in wolf form.”

“What if someone sees us?”

Andy lifted an eyebrow. “Would that be so bad? To be seen with me?”

“I… I know I should say no. But… I’m worried.”

“About being hate-crimed or about being seen?”

“Both,” I said honestly. “But, the second more. I’m not sure I’m ready to even admit all this, much less let other people know.”

“Tell you what, why don’t we just go to the beach as friends then? It’s not uncommon for wolves around here to run in pairs for safety or even larger numbers. Nobody will think twice as long as we aren’t fucking on the beach.”

“Just wolf stuff then?”