Page 19 of Losing My Rejection

“Sorry,” I muttered, instinctively taking a step away from him. I didn’t like it when people got close and that juniper scent of Andy’s was hard to ignore without a bunch of cinnamon to cover it up. “Just nervous I guess.”

“It’s alright.” Andy patted me on the shoulder and went back to setting up trays. “Just be yourself and everything will be fine. Besides, I’m sure you’ll see some familiar faces–” He stopped. “Speak of the devil!”

“You talking shit about me again?” a familiar voice called.

I turned to see both Matt and Ace stepping into the pavilion. Ace had his black cowboy hat on as always and a dark t-shirt while Matt looked like he was about to go swimming at any moment in his tank top and very short shorts.

“I always talk shit about you,” Andy replied, giving him a quick hug. “And I hope you brought a sweater, darling, because you look like a slut.”

Matt just smiled. “Thank you.”

Ace put down the cooler and a pair of camp chairs that he’d been carrying before shaking Andy’s hand. “Hey,” was all he said.

“Glad you could make it,” Matt added, turning to me. He gave me a once over noticing I had no cooler or drink in my hand. “Do you need a beer or something?”

“I’ve got it!” Sam came striding back into the group, handing a brown bottle over to me that had already been tucked into a crimson koozie. “I’m taking care of these two for drinks tonight.”

Matt nodded. “We brought extra just in case.” He slipped an arm around my shoulder. “Wanted to make sure our new friend here was taken care of.”

“You all know one another already?”

“Sure do! Met him down at the market this past week. We’re practically best friends already!”

They all laughed and I tried to force myself to smile. The truth was, I felt horribly out of place. Everyone seemed to be so happy I was there and all I could think about doing was running for the beach and not coming back. I didn’t want to be under the pavilion or close to so many people. And I really wished all of them would stop touching me. It made my skin crawl.

“I’ll uh… be right back,” I said quietly, excusing myself from the group.

I didn’t have to turn around to know all of them were looking at me as I left, but I just needed to get out of there. Even with only a dozen or so people at the party, it was already feeling a bit overwhelming. Instead, I took my beer with me and headed out to the beach.

There was almost no wind, so I kicked off my shoes and sat down at the shore with my feet in the water. The tiny little waves lapped at my toes, the cool water giving me something else to focus on. Overhead the sky was already starting to tinge pink as the sun sank toward the horizon behind me. I didn’t turn back to see if anyone was staring or whatever. Not that I cared if they were.

Maybe I was being a little dramatic, but I just wanted some space. I liked Ace, Matt, Sam, and Andy. They were good people. That much was good to see. But they weren’t my people. All my people were still in Traverse City, going to school, living their lives, or out on pack land getting ready for the full moon. My father was undoubtedly there as well, fulfilling his duties as Gamma. The same duties that I refused to take over.

I felt so stupid for refusing him.

“Hey…” I heard behind me.

There was no need to look back as that juniper scent washed over me.

“Sorry…” I began.

“No need,” Andy replied. “Can… Can I join you?”

“Yeah,” I said, letting out a long sigh.

Andy sat down next to me in the sand. Following my lead, he kicked his shoes off, rolled up his jeans, and pushed his toes into the water. He let out a tiny yelp as the cold hit him for the first time and I couldn’t help but grin. Somehow, without trying, he always seemed to make me laugh.

But he didn’t talk or force me to have a conversation to make me come to my senses. Instead, he just sat there with me, both of us drinking our beers as the dark edge of the eastern horizon got larger and larger. The sounds of the party rose up behind us as the last traces of sunset faded away. Overhead the sky darkened quickly, opening up into a vast starscape. As the stars came out, the full moon rose higher in the sky, its light glittering off the water.

The longer the quiet stretched between us, the more odd I felt. It was like I was stopping Andy from enjoying the party and having a good time. I didn’t want to be a little black rain cloud over his full moon fiasco that only happened once or twice a year.

“You can go back if you like,” I said at last. “I’m fine out here. You don’t have to miss everything for me.”

“I’m not missing anything,” he replied without skipping a beat. “I’m hanging out with my friend.”

I couldn’t help a scoff. “I’m your employee.”

“I think of you as a friend.”

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