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"But Ruya?" she said softly. "Never be ashamed of your tears. A banshee's tears are priceless. They remind us of the value of life. And that every life should be mourned. Even in those cases where death might be a blessing."

I took that in. There was beauty there, amid the sadness. "Thank you," I murmured. I appreciated her acceptance of who I was, and her attempt to shield me. But I also knew without a doubt that I would eventually need to harden my heart to what I would see in my visions. Because I wasn't going to shy away from the unpleasantness if it would help keep the others safe.

"I understand why you wanted me to work with you alone," I said firmly. "But we both know I can't be shielded forever if I want to use these powers to their best effect. Teach me how."

Her eyes were sad, but she nodded once in understanding. "Well then," she said in no-nonsense tone. "Let's see what you can do. Relax into your power, Ruya. And tell me how I'm going to die."

Chapter 21

Ruya

Blood. So much blood everywhere. Carnage. Severed limbs. Blank, staring eyes gone wide in death.

It had been a little over a week since I started working with Achlys on controlling my banshee powers. I was a quick study. And with my mother's help, I could not only feel the sense of impending death… despite my blindness, I could see it now. The images were sporadic, flashes of horror that I knew I'd never be able to wipe from my memory entirely.

Ruya, Cicely spoke in my mind, and I sensed a hint of his emotions through our bond. He couldn't see what I saw. But he could feel the emotional aftermath. I felt his magic reach out to calm me, to allow me to draw breath. Not real. He reminded me. Not happening. You are safe. We are safe.

His efforts finally broke through the grip of icy terror and gut-wrenching horror brought about by my most recent attempt to help guide Robin's plans.

"I take it that course of action would be less than desirable," Robin murmured. Her warm hand rested on my shoulder. "Breathe, darling. I am here. You are safe. All is well."

She was trying to sound confident and unflappable, and she was succeeding. But I didn't think for a single moment that she liked what I was putting myself through. "Perhaps we should stop for today," she murmured, brushing a stray strand of hair back from my sweaty face.

I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. "No. Just give me a few moments to recenter myself, and I'll have another go at it. I know you have other plans. Other ideas."

Robin combed her fingers through my hair, her alpha aura wrapping around mine, giving me the comfort of her strength. But I had seen her death so many times now… part of me knew now that her strength wasn't infallible. None of the people I loved were immune to death. I had seen that in vivid, unforgettable detail. "Sweetheart, there is no reason to force this. I always have ideas. And I'm not yet senile. The ideas will still be there tomorrow, once you've rested."

I knew how much she wanted this whole thing done with. How desperately she longed for not only her revenge, but the return of her birthright, of the part of her that had been stolen away.

This wasn't some whim. It wasn't just some bitter personal quest. There was a whole syndicate-controlled territory out there full of oppressed paranorms.

"I'll be fine for one more," I said firmly.

"Here," Yukio spoke from my other side as he pressed a warm mug into my hand. "If you're going to be stubborn, that should help."

I smiled faintly in his direction. His tone was clipped, and I could feel a bit of his chilled magic wafting from him as his wings buzzed faintly in agitation. Yukio was worried about me.

"Thank you," I said sincerely. "What is it?"

He huffed. "Cocoa. Herbs. Magic. Just drink it, woman. It will ease the stress, so you don't go insane. Or at least help you keep what little sanity you possessed in the first place."

I hid my smile behind the rim of the mug as I did what I was told. I trusted him to take care of me, even if he sounded like it was all pissing him off. I knew better. He was such a softie.

Big hands gripped my shoulders from the back, massaging the tense muscles. I leaned into Sanka's touch as he harangued our leader.

"Don't make her do it again," he said quietly. "Look at her, Robin, she was shaking like a leaf and she's still so pale."

Robin made a dismissive tsk sound. "Does it look like I'm making her do anything? Calm your beta urges. Ruya is in charge of how she uses her magic. If she requires rest, or wants to stop all together, then she only has to say so. And if she says she can try once more, then we will try once more. I trust her to take charge of her own wellbeing, sorcerer. Just like you should trust the alpha of this court to oversee it all."

I grinned and sipped my cocoa. Sanka and the others would worry. It was what they did. But at the end of the day, Robin was right. It was my body and mind, my powers being used. So the decision was mine and mine alone.

And I appreciated that simple reminder of my freedom and self-efficacy.

Yukio's concoction really was magical. I felt refreshed and calmed within moments, the horrors I had just experienced fading enough to let me cope.

"What is the next plan?" I asked, setting the mug aside on a nearby end table.

"Sadavir," Josh warned, giving me a bit of notice before the others were shoved out of the way, and I was bodily scooped up out of the chair and cradled close to Sadavir's warm chest.

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