Page 4 of Shadow Blind

You have no right to be upset about this. This is what you asked for. Sex without emotions. Sex without love. You want more now, but he’s fulfilling the terms of the agreement.

Her gaze focused on the ‘Call Ended’ button. The rectangular box was the color of blood. It reminded her of Donnie, of how that foul baseball had struck the side of his head. His blood was so red and there had been so much of it. It had soaked into her hands and then into her mind.

Even now, six years later, the memory sliced through her heart. Her breathing hitched. She could taste the bitterness of shock, smell the metallic tinge of terror, feel the gritty fragments of bone as she tried to hold his skull together.

Demi flinched from the memory, struggling to release her caged breath as her thoughts returned to Aiden.

She should have known better, split from him sooner, before she fell for him, before their arrangement started to hurt. His obliviousness to the memories attached to today’s date confirmed what she’d suspected for the past year and a half. He didn’t care about her, and she wasn’t cut out for a fuck buddy bargain. For her, the physicality of sex required the emotional support of love.

But that love had to be reciprocated, and hers wasn’t.

At first, the arrangement was wonderful. He was the perfect counterpart to her libido. Not only was he the sexiest man she’d ever known, but she was wildly attracted to him. Their sexual chemistry had been off the charts—still was. They didn’t just heat the sheets; they burned them to cinders.

But then she’d developed feelings for him, feelings that were tearing her apart. And it wasn’t just the pain of loving someone who didn’t love her back. Nope, there were other emotions all tangled up inside her, too.

Like the fear and anxiety during those endless deployments when she didn’t know where he was or what he was doing or if he was okay. SEALs led dangerous lives, with the threat of death constantly hanging over their heads. One misstep, one piece of wrong intelligence, one bad guy where he wasn’t supposed to be, could send Aiden’s superior to her door with the news of his death. Just the thought of that possibility knotted her stomach.

And then there was the loneliness and sexual frustration while he was gone. He’d kickstarted her libido, only to leave her hanging for months on end. Her handy dandy vibrator and agile fingers didn’t quell her sexual cravings anymore. She needed more than the physical stimulations of toys. She needed his weight on top of her, his thickness inside of her, the distinctive male scent of him enveloping her.

The craving and fear were bad enough, but her evolving feelings were the third strike. The fact he hadn’t remembered the significance of today was just one sign he didn’t reciprocate her feelings. His endless secrets were another sign, the ones he refused to share with her, the ones he hid from her.

Oh, not his SEAL secrets. She understood the necessity there, as well as the intention behind them. But his personal reticence, his unwillingness to share anything with her, was much harder to swallow. There was no love without trust, without the sharing of oneself.

And Aiden shared nothing; at least, with her. Not the nightmares that plagued him while he slept beside her. Not the injuries he accrued while in service to his country. Not even the injuries he received during his downtime, while in pursuit of his own enjoyment.

He’d never told her about the accident up on the slopes of Snow Valley, or the injury he’d received to his knee that had been so severe it had required both Kait and Cosky’s combined efforts to heal the damage. And she’d been there. Oh, not on the slopes. She’d been in the resort spa. But she’d been there, sharing a room and a bed with him, dining across from him. They’d even had dinner together hours after he’d taken that hit on the slopes. Yet he’d never said a word about the accident. Not one damn word.

Kait had been the one to tell her after Aiden had shipped out.

That’s when she knew she had to get out, that their ‘friends with fucking privileges’ wasn’t working. It wasn’t what she wanted anymore. She wanted a partner. Marriage. Someone to have kids with, to build a family with. To live her life with. Someone who shared the important details of his life with her.

And while she loved him, Aiden didn’t fit those parameters. Nor would she find the man who did, when she was emotionally and physically tied to Aiden. She needed to break things off with him before her feelings grew even stronger. And she needed to do it as soon as she saw him again—but face to face, not over video.

When he returned home, she was going to tell him goodbye.

A sudden musical tone erupted from her cell phone. She grabbed it from where it vibrated next to her laptop. Ocean View Vet lit up the screen. Instantly, anxiety tensed the muscles of her shoulders and spine, which was ridiculous. It shouldn’t matter whether the cat had survived its surgery. She had no emotional investment in it. She’d simply been the one to see it get hit by the car and, like any good Samaritan, had rushed it to the closest vet.

“Yes.” She steadied her voice.

It doesn’t matter if it lived or died. I did what I could for it. My conscience is clear.

Too bad her tense muscles and churning stomach didn’t agree with that statement.

“Could I speak to Demi Barnes?” a woman asked.

“Speaking.” Demi’s voice climbed. She forced it back down.

Why was she so anxious over the fate of this stupid cat? Maybe it was because of the day. Death stalked this day in her mind. It would be nice to cheat the Grim Reaper out of another soul for a change.

“This is Doctor Morrison with Ocean View Veterinary Clinic. You asked me to let you know whether the cat you brought in survived surgery.” The woman continued in a calm voice.

“Yes. Did it?” She braced herself. The animal had been in terrible shape. So mangled and bloody, she hadn’t been sure it was still alive when she’d reached the animal clinic.

“It did. We removed the back right leg and left eye, as we had discussed. But we also had to remove the tail. The nerves, vertebra and ligaments were too badly damaged to save it.”

Demi winced. The poor thing. “Will it survive, do you think?”

The veterinarian paused before saying in a quiet voice, “At this point, we’ve done everything we can. Its survival will depend on its will to live.” Her voice turned brisk. “You mentioned when you brought the cat in that you’d pay for any lifesaving procedures and left us a credit card number as a security deposit. Is this still the card you want us to put the charges on?”

---