Rattled, she threw the first question out that occurred to her. “Do you have a gift like Kait or Wolf?”
The question was supposed to be a throwaway, a means to ease her into a discussion about Olivia’s self-proclaimed gift. And from there, into a serious conversation about whether he felt there was an unusually strong connection between them, which would naturally lead to a discussion about whether they should resume their relationship.
She’d assumed through the years that he didn’t have a talent like Kait or Wolf, because he would have told her. Hell’s bells, it didn’t even occur to her that his answer would be yes, because surely…surely, he would have shared such an integral part of himself with her. Surely, he wouldn’t have hidden something so huge from her.
While he didn’t respond with a verbal affirmative, he didn’t need to. His reaction gave him away and told her everything she needed to know—all of it unwelcome. His gaze widened, then narrowed. Caution touched his face and sank into his eyes. He took a step back.
“Why do you ask?” His words were cautious. And he didn’t deny it.
Her mouth fell open as the painful realization struck that he did, indeed, have a gift. “Oh. My. God. You do.”
He’d always held his secrets close, locked them inside. She’d known that, had known he didn’t share everything, or even most things with her. But she’d thought those secrets were SEAL-related. That they had to do with the secrecy inherent in his career. Missions, locations, targets, timeframes—things that could get him and his teammates killed if they leaked out. She’d accepted all those secrets. She’d even made allowances for the nightmares he refused to talk about since he’d said they were related to his missions.
But this…this…this secret was not related to his SEAL career. This was not something he was forbidden to share. This was a personal secret, something he’d deliberately kept from her.
He knew she knew about Kait’s and Wolf’s abilities. He knew she’d kept those secrets safe. He knew his secret would be safe with her, too. There was no reason for him to hold this revelation back. No reason except for one. He didn’t want to share such a fundamental part of himself. Not with her.
He'd claimed to love her, but he couldn’t. Not when he’d kept her in the dark about this. Trust was tangled with love. You couldn’t have love without trust.
And this secret was such a blazing example of lack of trust.
Chapter forty-seven
Day 23
Denali, Alaska
Demi reeled back. Aiden had an extra ability, too. One he’d never told her about.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why—” Her throat closed and started to ache. The why was obvious. He didn’t trust her. Not with the important stuff. Not with the core of him. Her lungs struggled to find breath. The connection she’d thought stretched between them didn’t exist. It couldn’t. Not when he’d withheld something so vital from her.
“Never mind.” Her voice sounded breathless. “I need to go.”
“Demi…” His voice was rough, his face conflicted.
About what? He’d made his decision years ago. Three years. He’d had three years to tell her about this and dozens of opportunities. All those times Kait had healed him in front of her. All those times they’d marveled at Kait’s incredible ability. It hadn’t even occurred to her he might have an extraordinary gift, too. Because he would have told her if he had one.
“Coming here was a mistake.” She stared at the door. He backed up against it, blocking her way. “Move. Please.”
The breathlessness in her voice gave way to dullness, to numbness. The numbness spread to her chest before engulfing her entire body from head to foot. It felt good, this detachment; something to burrow into, to curl up and grieve inside.
Aiden didn’t budge from his position against the door. “Look, you came here for a reason, right? Let’s talk about it.”
A spontaneous laugh burst from her—sharp and humorless. “Why bother? When have you ever shared anything important with me? What a fool I’ve been. I thought you shut me out because of your job. Because of the secrecy required to keep you and your teammates safe. I thought you held your secrets so close because you had to, because you were forbidden to share.” Another sharp laugh splintered the room. “How about this for irony? While you were sick, I convinced myself that we had some kind of connection, something special, like what Kait found with Cosky, or Olivia found with Samuel.” She paused long enough to draw in a shaky breath. “But Cosky knows about Kait’s healing ability. Samuel knows about Olivia’s gift. But you…you never trusted me enough to tell me you even had an ability.” Her voice cracked and then simply stopped working.
The numbness waned, pain prickling through the detachment. Her skin felt on fire. Her chest burned.
“Trust has nothing to do with it.” Aiden’s face twisted. He scrubbed a hand through his damp hair and took a small step forward. “I trust you. I’ve always trusted you.”
“Sure.” Demi eyed the door. He was still in the way. “You trust me? Got it. So, tell me, what’s your ability?”
His face went flat and locked down. She laughed again, only this time it held far too much pain for her comfort. The fire in her chest exploded outward, consuming her entire body. Her face burned. So did her eyes.
“Can’t even bring yourself to tell me now, can you?” She steadied her breathing and hardened her voice. “Move away from the door, Aiden.”
His hand went from his hair to his face, covering it completely. He pushed back against the door, using it like a brace. “It wasn’t because I didn’t trust you that I didn’t tell you about my gift.” He loaded the last word with derision. His hand dropped. He shook his head, disgust thick on his face. “I didn’t tell you because it’s fucking embarrassing.”
The unexpectedness of that admission snapped her from her emotional tailspin. Embarrassing? “How so?”