Page 80 of Shadow Blind

Which felt appropriate as the Book Brigade was discussing books, or, at least, one book. Their choice for this week’s discussion was The Ex I’d love to Hate, a billionaire romantic comedy, by an author named Nadia Lee.

Judging by the laughter and excited chatter, everyone loved it. And the book did sound delightful. Who didn’t love a grumpy hero out for revenge and a snarky heroine who gave as good as she got? Kait offered her a copy to read before the meeting, but Demi passed. A romance, no matter how funny, just wasn’t appealing. Not at the moment, not after ripping her heart out and tossing it into the frigid Alaskan night.

“Oh. My. God!” Olivia Holden squealed. An honest to God squeal. “Did any of you read Baby for the Bosshole? The first book in Nadia’s Lasker Brothers series? It’s just as funny as the one we read for tonight.”

Mary, another brunette with glowing skin, long inky hair, and soft brown eyes, laughed back. “The way Emmett kept ruining her dates by making her work late—”

Kait snickered. “And how he thought he was doing her a favor, because redoing spreadsheets was so much fun—"

“I just love her sense of humor,” Beth added. “Like what she named the hamster in My Grumpy Billionaire.”

Demi absently listened. While she loved the idea of a book club, a thriller novel would suit her current mood better. One where everyone died…except for the dog or the cat.

Not that she blamed Kait for dragging her to this meeting. They’d agreed that a couple of hours spent discussing books and drinking wine was a better alternative than staying home and brooding. The laughter, conversation, and wine should provide the distraction she needed. Yet it didn’t. Her mind kept flipping back to the night before.

She’d spent the last twenty-four hours replaying the conversation with Aiden in her head. What she’d said, what he’d said. The defeated look on his face when he realized there could be no compromise between them.

He said he loved her. And she believed him. Aiden wouldn’t lie about that. Not even to keep her in his life. Her stomach clenched, the wine sloshing sourly before trying to climb her tight throat.

If only love made a difference.

But love wouldn’t bridge this gulf between them. It wouldn’t keep him content in a safe 9 to 5 job. If they married, it wouldn’t keep the anxiety from ripping her soul to shreds while he was gone, doing whatever he ended up doing. For her, love just made the fear worse.

Eventually, their love would turn to resentment, and then to anger. They needed to break things off now, before their love grew claws and teeth and started to rend and tear. Eventually, these feelings would wither and die, leaving them both free to find new partners, new loves, a new life with someone else. Someone who was on the same page, someone who wanted the same things.

An image flashed through her mind; Aiden with his arms around a faceless woman, her belly round with child. Another flash; a dark-haired toddler cradled in Aiden’s muscled arms.

She flinched. Her stomach rolled again. Sourness burned up her throat. She choked the bile down and shook the images away.

Don’t think about that. Not that. It will get easier. Each day will be easier.

The promise rang hollow in her mind, like a lie.

To distract herself, she focused back on the conversation, anything to avoid the expanding rift in her soul.

“Cosky isn’t saying,” Kait said. “But it’s coming. That’s obvious.”

The tension in Kait’s voice caught Demi’s attention. She frowned, wishing she’d paid more attention. The book discussion was apparently over. Whatever they were talking about now was upsetting everyone. She could see the effect it was having on Kait. The skin at the corners of her eyes looked pinched, and her eyes were too wide, the whites showing. Clear signs of anxiety.

“Zane isn’t talking either.” Beth’s voice was tight. “But we know they’ll go after whoever attacked Aiden. They crewed with Aiden’s teammates. They won’t let their deaths slide.” She turned her head toward the left armchair where Olivia was sitting. “What about Samuel? Has he said anything to you?”

Aiden? What did this conversation have to do with Aiden? Demi’s gaze shifted from tense face to tense face.

“All Samuel will say is that this new weapon, the one that was used against Kait’s brother and his SEAL team, cannot go up for sale,” Olivia said. “He says if it deploys, it will be catastrophic.”

Silence fell over the room. A thick, tense silence. Kait was the one who broke it.

“Samuel’s right. I can’t…I can’t go into detail.” Kait sent a fleeting glance at Faith. “But this new weapon, the one used on Karaveht, then on Aiden and his team…” She shook her head, her eyes going shiny and blind. “If someone were to use this on the general population, it could sweep the globe faster than anyone could stop it.”

So, only Kait and, from that sidelong glance, probably Faith, knew what their men were facing. Which made sense as both women worked at Shadow Mountain. At least Aiden hadn’t been lying when he said the situation was classified.

“We’re working on countermeasures.” Faith’s voice was quiet. Steady. But her face had gone so pale, the hundreds of freckles stretching across her cheeks and nose stood out like flecks of gold. “Methods to stop the weapon from spreading and to protect the population from its effects.”

“Kait, Faith, I know you can’t tell us what happened to Aiden and his men, nor what this new threat is. Zane says the information is restricted.” Beth's voice was as tight as her face. “And I know the clones all think that keeping us in the dark will make things easier on us, that if we don’t know what they’re up against, we’ll worry less.” She blew out a breath and blindly reached for Kait’s hand. Their fingers curled and clung. “But they’re wrong. Knowing the enemy makes the danger less scary. I wish they’d just tell us what’s going on.”

A murmur of agreement went around the couches and armchairs. Still, neither Kait nor Faith broke their silence. Demi wondered how much of their tight-lipped reticence was because of the confidentiality of their jobs versus promises to their husbands.

What was it about this new weapon that had the clones so rattled? Her mind flashed back to the night before, and the brief exchange between Kait and Aiden. She’d asked him about nanobots.

---