Page 76 of Shadow Blind

Ah, hell. Aiden groaned beneath his breath. Another subject he didn’t want to get into. “I’m afraid that’s classified.”

Demi’s lips pressed tight. “Kait knows about them.”

“Because she works at Shadow Mountain. She was there when Wolf’s crew found me.” And had been blessed with several days in isolation because of it.

She just looked at him, her stance still, her face watchful. “Aiden, I’m tired of all your secrets, of being locked out of your life.

Ah, Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He scrubbed his palms down his face. This was a fucked if he did, fucked if he didn’t conversation. Explaining what had happened would illustrate how dangerous his job was, which could drive her away. But refusing to explain could—probably would—push her away too.

Before he could respond, her shoulders slumped.

“Never mind.” She sounded tired. Beaten.

He didn’t make the mistake of assuming he was off the hook, not with that determined expression plastered across her face. She was just refocusing her mental energy.

She took a deep breath and began. “I know we talked over the phone about the fact I intend to break things off with you. I was just waiting until I could tell you in person. I didn’t want to distract you during one of your missions.”

“Yeah.” The acknowledgement burned up his chest and throat and through his mouth. “I want to talk to you about that.”

She shook her head. Sorrow flashed across her face before it hardened with resolve. “There’s nothing to talk about. I haven’t changed my mind.”

Aiden’s heart took off, pumping like he needed the oxygen and energy to stave off a life or death threat. “Look, I know now that you want more than I realized. But I can give you everything you need. The wedding. The kids. The white picket fence. A home. I can give you all of that.”

“Can you?” A look of longing flared in her eyes, then died. “Because honestly… I don’t think you can.”

“I can.” He inserted confidence into his voice. But his heart kept racing faster and faster, and his chest was getting tighter and tighter. And the certainty grew that he’d already lost her.

“The wedding, the white picket fence, the kids, those are just symbols. You can’t give me the two things that turn those symbols into a home.”

The look of sorrow on her face churned like ground glass in his gut—tearing him apart. He could feel the emotional distance between them expanding, pushing her further and further away.

“I’ll give you everything, everything I can give.” It came out as a promise. A hoarse, raspy promise that edged into a plea.

She nodded and wiped her cheeks, even though she wasn’t crying. “That’s the whole point, Aiden. You can’t give me what I need. What I want. You’re not wired for it.”

Heat exploded in his chest. He felt like he was drowning in flames, like someone had dropped a lit napalm canister into his gut. “Demi, what we have is good. We can build on it.”

“What we have is sex. Fantastic sex, true, but it’s still just sex.”

That stopped him cold. What? There was more than sex between them. His voice sharpened as anger lit. “You know damn well there’s more than sex between us.”

“Really? What else?” Her voice sharpened as well. “We haven’t spent enough time together to build anything more. You’re never home! We don’t share a living space. We don’t have a routine together. We haven’t merged our tastes, discovered a favorite song, found a favorite restaurant, or even bought furniture or pictures together. We aren’t a couple, not even close. All we do during those rare days you’re in town is hop into bed. Sex. Sex. Sex. With periodic breaks for food—or for you to head off with your SEAL buddies for target practice. Even when you’re in Coronado, half the time you’re off with your teammates.” She took a deep breath before adding quietly. “All of which would be fine—if all I wanted was sex, because yes, the sex is out of this world—but I want more. I want someone I can share my life with.”

Aiden took a step back and regrouped. There had to be a way to make her see he could give her that life. “When we first hooked up, you told me you weren’t looking for anything but a fuck buddy,” he reminded her, keeping his voice calm, non-confrontational. “Friends with benefits—that’s what you said you wanted. So that’s what I gave you.”

Even though he’d wanted everything she was asking for now. They were finally on the same page, wanting the same things. So why did she seem to be slipping further and further away?

“I know.” Her voice trembled, but her shoulders were straight. Rock solid. Unbending. “But that’s not what I want now. I want a husband. A home. A family. I want what Kait has.”

“Which is what I wanted from the beginning with you. I only went with the fuck buddy arrangement to keep you close, to make sure I was the one sleeping next to you when you realized you wanted more than sex, when you realized you were ready to start over again, to move on from Donnie.”

She didn’t look convinced. But then why would she? He’d never shown her what she meant to him. He’d been too afraid it would send her running. Hell, he’d never even told her he loved her.

He needed to rectify that ASAP.

“Look…” He braced himself and leaped. “I’ve always wanted a life with you. I fell in love with you when Kait first introduced us, back when you were still married. I’ve been in love with you for God damned forever.” The look on her face shifted. But not to joy. Not to disbelief. She looked…shattered. Fear kindled. He doubled down on his reassurances, desperate to make her believe him. “Demi, I want that house with you. I want the wedding and the kids. I want a family with you. I want what Cosky has.”

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