Page 100 of Peace Under Fire

“Mandy, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” She gulped down a huge breath and almost choked. “I didn’t sit there like a dead fish while you kissed me because I wasn’t attracted to you.”

A dead fish? His eyebrows rose. “I never said you kiss like a dead fish.”

“Yeah? Well, that’s what they call it on the internet.”

What the hell? He shook his head in confusion. “Why the hell were you looking up dead fish on the internet?”

“I didn’t. I was looking up kissing and…other things…” She wrung her hands even harder and looked down at the blanket. “And, well, dead fish as a descriptor came up.”

Why would anyone with experience look up—

Click.

How could I have missed this? Just call me Captain Oblivious.

Before he had a chance to verify his sudden, strong suspicion, she was talking again.

“The truth is I don’t have as much experience as I may have led you to believe.”

He digested that. “How much do you have?”

She gulped, wringing her hands so hard her fingers turned white. “Well, none.”

He fought a grin. The ugly, oozing ulcer in his gut magically healed. Relief heated his chest. “You’ve never been with a man before?”

He needed to make sure he was hearing her right before he started singing hallelujah.

“Of course I haven’t. When was I going to hook up with some random guy? You know my background. I could hardly sneak out while I was at the compound. Giulia would have had a coronary. And when I got to your condo complex, well—” her voice dropped to a whisper. “I only wanted you.”

And thank fuck for that. That’s when everything clicked into place. “Have you even been kissed before today?”

He shook his head before she did. Of course not. Who would have been around to kiss her?

“I told you, I have no experience. At all. That includes kissing.” She groaned and buried her face in her hands. “How pathetic is that?”

His mind was running a thousand miles an hour and connecting dot after dot after dot. “All that time you spent on the laptop, you were researching sex?”

“Yeah. You have no idea how messed up some of those articles are. All those guys talking about how virgins are nothing but dead fishes, or others talking about how much the first time hurts.” She shuddered. “I would have been better off just winging it. All those articles and warnings and descriptions—they got in my head…”

He could imagine. That certainly explained her dead fish comment.

That explained everything. “All those times you ran off and hid in your bedroom when I tried to touch you?”

She gulped and looked at her toes. “I didn’t want to be a tease.” She took a deep rattling breath, her face completely demoralized. “I don’t know how to do any of this. So…I guess… the question is whether you still want to go through with this, knowing what a dead fish I am.”

CHAPTER 26

Mandy braced herself for Jacob’s response. Why in the world would he want to hook-up with someone who didn’t even know how to kiss properly, someone who freaked out every time he tried to touch her?

He wouldn’t. She’d lost her chance. Nothing would happen between them now.

It served her right. She should never have lied to him. She’d known when the truth came out, he’d lose interest in her. That’s why she’d tried so hard to hide her lack of experience. Although, to be fair, she’d never had a shot with him anyway. He’d made it crystal clear all those months ago that he had no interest in taking her virginity.

“Why did you lie about this?”

It was weird how his question followed her own train of thought. But come on, the reason why she’d lied was obvious.

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