“Merry Christmas. Both of you.” The three of them hugged one another, not letting go, allowing the atmosphere to dissipate once and for all. Life didn’t need to be this way, and if Andi had learnt anything in recent years, it was to never hold a grudge. Life could be over in a flash. “Now piss off. I have a million and one things to do.”
Chapter 23
Andi wrapped a hand around her coffee cup, staring out at the frosted lawn through the kitchen window. Today marked her second Christmas without Jane, but life compared to last year was vastly different. The grief continued to fade day by day, but that wasn’t to say she didn’t miss her wife. Andi would always miss Jane. Her cheeky smile, her rip-roaring personality, her love. She would always wonder ‘what if’ had Jane never been given the diagnosis of early-onset Alzheimer’s. The ‘what ifs’ had kept her awake for a long time, but as of this morning…well, the last several weeks, life was on the up, and Andi knew she couldn’t hold onto those thoughts anymore. If she wanted to enjoy life and make the most of it, she had to let the ‘what ifs’ go.
It was hard to believe that she had a woman sleeping soundly upstairs. A woman who was quickly coming to mean an awful lot to Andi. And as she stood here this morning, Andi knew exactly what was happening here. She was falling for Rachel. Without a doubt. At a time in her life when Andi was questioning her future—the chance of ever finding love again—Rachel had shown up and reminded her that she had a lot left to give.
There was no need to question any of it. There was no reason to hold back, or worry, or slow down. Life was good, Rachel was quite incredible, and Andi felt as though she could fully breathe for the first time in years.
As a robin landed on the frosted outside furniture, peering at Andi through the window, her mind flitted to the last ‘normal’ Christmas she’d had with her wife. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but as with all the other memories, one she would never forget.
Andi came rushing from the bathroom, pulling her hoodie over her head and almost losing her footing. When she’d left Jane alone fifteen minutes ago, she hadn’t expected to be stumbling her way towards their open space because the smoke alarm was blaring.
As the smell of burnt food wafted towards her, smoke steadily flowing from the oven, Andi rushed towards it. Huh. The temperature had been turned up rather than the oven turned off. Jane…must have gotten mixed up when the timer had gone off.
Andi turned to Jane, where she was waving a tea towel under the small white box attached to the exposed beam above her.
“Love, did you put something in the oven?”
Andi reached for the step stool nearby, smiling. She had asked Jane to keep an ear out for the timer and then turn the oven off, but she should have anticipated this possible outcome. “Yes. Sorry. I was preoccupied in the bathroom.”
“Oh dear.” Jane grinned, helping Andi up onto the stool. “Do you need me to do anything?”
“No, don’t worry. My mistake.” Andi should have known better. Jane was becoming increasingly confused and forgetful since her diagnosis. Yes, she was already forgetful, hence the appointment with the doctor, but it seemed to be becoming more rapid now that they had answers. Andi reached up and reset the smoke alarm as she said, “I’ll just get rid of the burnt food, and then I’ll make some more.”
“Make more what?” Jane asked, her brow furrowed. “Were you cooking?”
God, this was painful to witness. Jane had no idea what was going on today. Perhaps the last few days with a lot of friends around had taken its toll on her wife. Perhaps Jane was feeling overwhelmed. Andi had noticed that she seemed less like herself after being around a large gathering of people. Almost as though it was becoming too tiring for her. Andi would bear that in mind for the future. She wanted to make Jane’s life as easy as possible from here on out. “I was. But…I forgot to tell you.”
Andi turned her back, determined not to show her emotions. One hint of them and Jane would know something wasn’t right with this conversation. She had caught Andi out before today.
“Well, look…” Jane took Andi by the wrist as she got down from the stool. “It’s not the end of the world. I’ll help you with the rest if you’ve taken on too much.”
Andi placed a palm to Jane’s chest. “You relax. I can manage.”
Jane pulled Andi in, holding her close. Even as her wife started to fade away, those bright eyes remained. “Merry Christmas, love.”
And that was the seventh time Jane had wished Andi a Merry Christmas this morning. “Merry Christmas.” Andi drew Jane into a kiss, smiling. “Our…twenty-third?”
“I believe it is.” Jane draped her arms over Andi’s shoulders, stroking her fingertips across the back of Andi’s neck. “Thank you for loving me.”
“With all my heart.”
“I know life with me must be difficult. You have a heart of gold, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.” That uncertainty flashed in Jane’s eyes, saddening Andi. “Did…you ask me to keep checking the oven?”
Andi could either be honest and potentially upset Jane, or she could take this one. “No.”
“Are you sure?”
Andi grinned. “I’m sure. Now, a snowball?”
“I’ll make them. Just…maybe keep an eye on what I’m doing. I don’t want you to be on your back before dinner is ready.”
Andi smirked, adoring the moments when Jane’s playful nature broke through. Her wife was still in there. “Oh, I don’t know. I think I’d rather be on my back…with you.”
“That comes later,” Jane said, winking as she untangled herself from Andi. She moved into the kitchen, her brows drawn when she placed her hands on the counter and looked up at Andi. “What was I doing?”
“Snowballs.”