Page 68 of A Little Light

Chapter 21

Andi looked around the kitchen, locating everything she needed before she left the house. Keys, purse, flowers. She felt as though she was forgetting something, but it was likely her fried brain today. It was Christmas Eve, and she wasn’t supposed to be heading out alone, but that looked like the plan. Andi had considered calling Rachel, but she wasn’t sure it was the right idea at the moment.

In the next hour, she was leaving for the graveyard.

Sally and Claire had gone with her last year. This year was supposed to be the same, but she hadn’t heard from either of them since she had walked out of the coffee shop two days ago. Andi had hoped Sally would have called before now, she wished things were far less complicated, but it was quite clear that Sally was struggling with this. Andi didn’t know why; Sally didn’t need to concern herself with such things. It hurt, and she felt a little more alone than before, but she had Rachel, and everything was truly wonderful in that department. They just worked so effortlessly. Perhaps it wouldn’t always be that way—Andi and Jane had once had their fair share of troubles—but it felt positive and exciting.

She took her phone from the counter in the kitchen and checked the screen. Still nothing from Sally. If it was going to be this way, then Andi would step back and give her friends whatever space they needed. She moved into the living room with her coffee, smiling when she saw Rachel’s hoodie thrown over the arm of the couch.

I can’t believe this is my life now…

Andi sunk down onto the couch and took the hoodie. She brought it to her nose, smiling as Rachel’s scent calmed her, and sat back. She felt a little bit lost today. As though she didn’t know if she was coming or going. She had finished work early, locked up for Christmas, and now she sat here…waiting to visit a cold and miserable graveyard alone.

The plan had been to visit Jane’s grave and then go for dinner and a couple of drinks at the local pub in the village. Andi could still do that, but she didn’t particularly want to sit at a pub on her own on Christmas Eve. Not when it would likely be filled with families celebrating early. But that was okay. She didn’t have to follow on from last year. She could make her own plans and prepare for seeing Rachel tomorrow.

Another coffee, and then she would head out.

As Andi stood up and draped Rachel’s hoodie over her shoulders, the doorbell rang. She wasn’t expecting anyone, not that she recalled. Maybe it would be Sally. Regardless of what had happened recently, Andi still needed a friend during this time of year. She opened the front door, surprised to find Rachel grinning back at her.

“Hi, babe.”

Andi stepped aside. “Hi. I…wasn’t expecting you.”

“Work finished earlier than it was supposed to. Client had to hit the motorway early so they could make it to family in time for Christmas.” Rachel stepped over the threshold, kissing Andi. “I went home, showered and changed, and thought maybe I could help you prep for tomorrow. Saves us doing it all at once and running around like headless chickens.”

Andi beamed a smile. “As great as that sounds, I’m heading out in the next hour or so.”

“Oh. Well, maybe I could come back when you’re home later?”

Closing the door, Andi guided Rachel through to the kitchen. She flicked the coffee machine on and pulled out two stools. “I was going to have another coffee before I left. Sit with me?”

“Love to.” Rachel got comfortable, her elbows resting on the breakfast bar top. “So, where are you off to? Have you heard from Sally yet?”

Rachel had spent the last two days asking if Andi had heard from Sally. “No. Nothing. I guess she just needs more time, I don’t know.”

“She will come around. She doesn’t have to go out of her way to be friendly with me. I’m okay with not sharing those moments with you all. I can…be around for you, but when they’re not available. You know?”

“That sounds like a terrible idea, Rachel. Why would I want to spend time with my friends…without my girlfriend?”

Andi immediately turned her back and winced. She hadn’t meant to say that, even if it was the outcome she hoped for in the end.

“Girlfriend, huh?”

“I’m sorry.” Andi braced her hands against the counter, her head between her shoulders. “It’s been a long day, and it just slipped out. I know it’s far too soon to even have that kind of discussion. Just…never mind me. I’m not having the best day.”

“Hey.” Rachel placed a hand to the small of Andi’s back, soothing her. “Girlfriend sounds pretty good to me. You are wearing my hoodie, after all.”

Andi turned, resting back against the counter. Rachel was absolutely girlfriend material in Andi’s eyes. “It sounds good to me too.”

“Then that’s that settled.” Rachel drew Andi in, bringing her hands to either side of Andi’s neck, and kissed her slowly. She smiled as she pulled away. “Go and have a great afternoon, and call me later if you want me to come over.”

“No great afternoon for me, unfortunately. I’m taking flowers to Jane’s grave.”

“O-oh. I’m sorry. I had no idea.” Rachel shook her head. “Me and my stupid mouth.”

“I happen to be very fond of your mouth.” Andi pulled Rachel back in by the waist. “And don’t worry about it. I didn’t want to bring it up because it inevitably brings the mood down.”

“I hope you know you can talk about Jane whenever you want to, Andi. I’m not so insecure that I’m worried about those things. If talking about her helps to remember her…the memories, then please do that.”

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