Page 36 of A Little Light

“Can we not do this? I’d rather be able to enjoy nights like this with you than put my foot in it again and end up with nothing at the end of it.”

Rachel lowered her chin to her chest and sighed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. I just can’t do the back and forth.” Back and forth was the last thing Andi wanted or needed. She was too old for games. She preferred to know where she stood with someone, and that was that.

“I’m sorry if it feels that way. I don’t want all this back and forth, either. But I am here if you need to talk. About anything.”

Andi shook her head. “I don’t want that type of relationship with you. I don’t want you to feel as though you’re working when you’re with me. You know, a shoulder whenever I need to talk. Because I don’t. I’ve done all the talking I need to do, and I just want to live my life now. I told you I didn’t have any baggage, and I meant that.”

“That’s…not how I see this with you. Fuck, you’re the only person in my life who doesn’t remind me of what I do. That’s why I love being with you so much.”

She loves being with me? Andi hadn’t expected that. “Well, then, that’s all that matters.”

“You mentioned getting something to eat. I’m up for it if you are?” Rachel finished her beer and slid from her stool.

Andi followed, placing the empty bottles on the bar. “I am up for it.”

* * *

Rachel held her focus on the couples around her, trying desperately not to meet Andi’s eyes. It was no secret that they’d continuously watched one another this evening. Rachel was sure Andi had caught her looking on several occasions, but she needed to stop and breathe for a moment. Tonight had been the first time that she’d allowed her mind to wander. To a place that included Andi and that devastating smile. To a scenario where they were here like this…only on a date, rather than hanging out. For the first time, Rachel allowed herself to understand that she could potentially have something special here with Andi.

Only, she’d already turned Andi down.

And told her it wouldn’t work.

So, here she stood. Feeling like a fool. Not because she didn’t want to feel what was building between them but because Andi deserved better than this. Andi deserved someone who was sure of what they wanted. She deserved to be lavished with love and adoration. Rachel couldn’t ask for anything more in a woman, so why was she so torn?

“I’m just going to use the bathroom. Keep your eyes on my burger.” Rachel’s head whipped around at that. She smiled when Andi stared back at her with rosy cheeks. But it was Andi’s soulful eyes that Rachel found herself focused on. Those eyes told a million different emotions. They offered just a hint of the impressive yet sad life Andi had lived. God, she was sheer beauty without intending to be.

“I’ll guard it with my life.”

She watched Andi leave their table, that long dark hair cascading down her back. Rachel could only sigh lightly, knowing she likely wouldn’t have a chance to make things right between them. If Rachel hadn’t spent stupid amounts of time obsessing about her past with Juliet, perhaps they would have been on a date already.

Needing a pep talk, Rachel took her phone from her pocket and brought up Kelly’s message thread.

I’m at a burger hut in the city with Andi. We’ve been to play crazy golf. You know, as friends! Tell me not to ask her on a date!

Rachel chewed her lip, startled when her phone rang in her hand.

“Hi.”

“Why would I tell you not to ask her on a date?” Kelly laughed down the line. “You’re thinking about it, so that’s a good sign. And we both know she’s into you, so you really have nothing to lose, Rae.”

“Well, she was into me. I don’t know if she still is, though.” Rachel slumped against the table she was standing at. “Why is all this dating shit so difficult?”

“It’s not difficult. You just choose to make it so.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. Kelly was one to talk; she always complained about the dating scene.

“You know I’m right,” Kelly said as Rachel glanced around the area. The last thing she wanted was for Andi to catch her during this call. “Rae?”

“I’m here. I just…what if she turns me down?”

“I’d be very surprised if that happened. I mean, considering you’re ‘just friends’, you spend an awful lot of time together.”

“Yeah. Like friends would!”

“No. Friends get together with other friends. Friends don’t go to fancy, intimate restaurants alone, they don’t sneak off to play crazy golf, and they don’t spend time at the other’s place…knowing that there’s something sparking between them.”

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