Page 34 of A Little Light

Andi’s brow knitted together. Rachel seemed almost upset. “Okay.”

“You…remind me of her,” Rachel said, shaking her head slightly. “Juliet.”

“Oh, I…I’m sorry.” Reminded Rachel how? In looks, personality, what?

“You have nothing to apologise for. But it’s true. I met Juliet just before her mum passed away. We were in a client/escort relationship at the time, and things tipped over once Juliet lost her mum. She became reliant on me, and I got far too attached. To the point I fell in love with her.”

“That had to be tough.”

“Honestly, it was. I saw how vulnerable she was. I was feeling lonely and questioning my future and where it was headed…and it was just a recipe for disaster. Juliet then fell in love with her new server at the bar she’d just opened, and I was no longer needed. And I know I’m just an escort. I also know that crossing the line can only lead to heartbreak, so it’s my own fault. But it still didn’t hurt any less.”

Andi shifted on the couch, placing a hand on Rachel’s knee. “You’re not just an escort, Rachel.”

“Sometimes it feels like it’s all I’ll ever be. To me, my friends, other women. Maybe that’s something I’ll have to live with—because of the career choice I made—but what’s done is done. I can be myself, risk my heart again, or I can do what I’m trying to do here…and avoid any kind of relationship or feelings.”

“I had a feeling my baggage would be too much.” Andi wrinkled her nose slightly. She didn’t have any baggage in her mind, but she could understand Rachel’s point now. She didn’t want to take on someone like Andi. “And I don’t know, maybe down the line I’ll find some kind of companionship, but I’m not holding my breath. People see a widow and run a mile. I’d like to say I understand why, but I don’t. I’d never put myself or anyone else through a relationship with me if I didn’t think I was ready.”

“It’s not your baggage—I swear to you it’s not. I don’t feel like you really have any baggage. It’s me and my issue with women I perceive to be vulnerable. I don’t know if I can put myself in that position again. You’re grieving, just like Juliet was, and I don’t think I can handle it a second time around.”

“Oh, I did my grieving a long time ago, Rachel.” Andi may have been hesitant in the days after she met Rachel, worrying about what other people would think, but that didn’t equate to grieving. It was simply Andi making excuses rather than accepting she wouldn’t find love again.

Rachel appeared confused by that. “I don’t understand.”

“Jane was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s five years before she passed away. Within two years of her diagnosis, she didn’t know who I was. Not even my name. While losing her physically may have only happened recently, emotionally, that happened quite some time ago.”

“God, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

Andi lifted a shoulder. “It’s okay. I did everything I could to love her, to care for her, but I knew life wouldn’t go back to normal. I knew I’d lose her. But I was lucky to have fifteen perfect years with her before she started to change.”

“It takes a very kind soul to do what you did. But I knew you were kind from the moment I met you. You’re the only woman to have been upfront and honest with me. You’re the only one who hasn’t sneered at the idea of me being an escort. It may not seem like much to you, but that means a lot to me. I hope you know that.”

“I am sorry if I put you in a position last week. It wasn’t my intention. I felt I could trust you, and you wouldn’t have made me feel terrible about thinking of my future without Jane.”

“And then I blew you off.” Rachel scoffed, getting to her feet and refilling her wine glass. She brought the bottle and refilled Andi’s, leaving it on the coffee table as she returned to her seat. “I didn’t expect it. I genuinely didn’t think for one moment that you would say that to me. But that’s no excuse. Not really. I’m just scared for the future, you know?”

“You and me both.” Andi settled back against the couch, running a hand down her thigh. She didn’t know where they went from here, but Rachel opening up to her meant a great deal. It meant that Andi could understand her better. She reached out her hand and took Rachel’s. “Thank you for tonight. I know you have friends and your social life…when it allows, but I was upset at the thought of you being wary around me. I don’t know the kind of women you’ve associated with in the past, but I’m not like them. I give you my word that I’ll never do anything I shouldn’t. I put myself out there, and it didn’t quite go to plan, but that’s okay.”

“Andi—”

Andi held up a hand. “Please, it’s okay. This conversation tonight helps me to better understand. I thought I’d done something wrong.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong, Andi. Honestly, I’m a little bit worried that you’re perfect.”

Oh, if only Andi was perfect. Maybe then Rachel would be more interested. “Really, that’s not true.”

“Thank you for staying and talking.” Rachel squeezed Andi’s hand but didn’t let go. Andi chose not to draw her attention to that fact; they’d had enough panic already. “I hope you’re going to finish this bottle with me before you even consider leaving.”

Andi rolled her eyes playfully. “Fine. You twisted my arm.”

Chapter 11

Andi watched Rachel as she threw her hands up and wiggled her backside. She couldn’t recall ever playing crazy golf, but she was absolutely enjoying herself. Actually, it was more than simple enjoyment. After the rocky start she’d had with Rachel, Andi hadn’t expected to be spending time with her on any given day. They may have cleared the air with one another, but she still hadn’t imagined they would make it as far as planning an evening with one another so soon.

Yet here they were. Spending the evening together. The only issue Andi had was how striking Rachel looked this evening. She wasn’t dressed up; casual had been the required dress code for tonight, but there was just something about the way Rachel carried herself when she let go and enjoyed life. Andi was far more attracted to this Rachel than the escort Rachel. Yes, they were equally hot—even if she hadn’t quite been on the receiving end of that side of her—charming too, but this Rachel, the real Rachel, was a sight to behold.

“What?” Rachel approached Andi, wearing a frown. “Did I just make a dick of myself?”

“No. Quite the opposite.” Andi pressed the end of her golf club to the floor, casting her gaze on the artificial turf. “Enjoying yourself?”

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