Page 62 of Study You

Jan slowly strolled around the huge space, stopping at the window. “You know she’s divorced, yes?”

“Yeah. I’ve known since the day of her divorce party.”

“He was having an affair with Gillian’s cousin. For two years.” Jan scoffed. “The hatred I have for that man is so terrible sometimes that it’s all-consuming for me. Gillian says she’s moved on, but I’m not so sure that’s true.”

“Jan, you really shouldn’t be telling me this.”

“It was around September last year when I noticed a change in her. She seemed to be almost herself again.” Jan sighed and shook her head. “In the months after her separation, she became very quiet. Withdrawn. Hell, I was lucky if I saw her from one month to the next. Gillian…was almost reclusive.”

That small piece of information hurt Finn beyond belief. But on the flip side, it explained why Gillian had been pushing her away repeatedly. She knew an entirely different person from the one that Jan described.

“I couldn’t convince her to open the door to me most days. Dinner out with friends was completely out of the question. A telephone call would happen once every few weeks…if I was lucky.” Jan turned back to Finn with tears in her eyes. “She’s been my best friend since we started university together. We were inseparable. And he took that from me. From her, too. When she found out about the affair with a woman some fifteen years younger than her, it broke the very woman Gillian was. I couldn’t bear to see it. I hated knowing she was in that tiny apartment, cooped up and alone. She started to drink heavily, and there were times when she admitted to taking sleeping pills just to see her through the night.”

“This is a lot to hear, but…why are you telling me this?” Finn asked, aware that Jan was putting quite some trust in her right now.

“You know I said she’d changed since September last year?”

Finn nodded. “Yeah…”

“She changed when she met you,” Jan said, her eyes soft. “We’d talked on the phone for hours the night before the semester started. She told me how she was going to make the end of the year count, that she was going to put her own interests first. I believed her to a point, and then she started to seem like herself again. I had no idea why, but then she told me about you months down the line…I couldn’t help but encourage whatever it was she was silently asking me. She wants you, Finn. Make no mistake about that.”

Finn swallowed. She had…changed Gillian? That was going to take a moment or two to process. “R-right.”

“I know she can be difficult when it comes to making decisions for herself, but please, give her a chance.”

“Gillian knows how I feel about her,” Finn said, trying to appear as blasé as she possibly could. “We’ve had a discussion, and I believe that if it’s meant to be…it will be.” Finn had full faith that this would all turn out right in the end. It simply had to. “I know a relationship wasn’t what she wanted, she was very clear about that from the start, but I don’t know. Things are slowly changing. I’m not pushing her. Only she knows what she wants.”

“Yes, well, sometimes she doesn’t quite know what she wants.”

Finn laughed and shook her head. Jan wasn’t wrong at all. “You don’t have to tell me that.”

“All I’m asking is that you don’t completely dismiss her. There will come a time when she does open up to you. And when that time comes, count yourself very lucky. Gillian is one of the most beautiful people I know. Inside and out. When she isn’t stuck in her own head…or the past, she would do anything for anyone. I just want her to be happy.”

“What makes you think I can make her happy?” Finn asked as Jan moved towards the door. “Why do you seem so on board with this? You surely know it’s going to make her life difficult because of who I am.”

“Oh, Finn. You already do. Happier than I’ve seen her in many years.” Jan beamed a smile. “As for the complications of this? Well, I believe everything happens for a reason. Gill knows I’ll do anything to help her…or protect her if that’s needed, but I think you two are going to be just fine.”

Finn lowered her head at that, trying to suppress the smile working its way to her lips. “I shouldn’t say this, but she did open up to me last night. We went for a walk in the park, and things got a little heated when she tried to push me away again, but in the end, she opened up a little.”

“She did?” Jan narrowed her eyes.

“Yeah. She tried to put herself down, but we talked it through, and I went back to her place with her.”

Jan scoffed. “You can thank that bastard of an ex-husband for that. Let me guess…she’s not worthy?”

Finn sighed. Jan knew Gillian through and through. “Yeah, that’s the one.”

“Then there’s only one thing you can do, Finn. Show her she’s worthy.”

The door suddenly slammed shut, startling Finn and Jan.

“Finn? Are you here? I’m so sorry I didn’t text you back earlier. I’ve been stuck in fucking meetings all da—” Gillian stopped dead behind Jan, a worried look on her face. “What’s…going on?”

“Nothing. I was in the area, so I decided to show myself around your new place since you haven’t bothered.” Jan kissed Gillian on the cheek. “I should go. I’m parked where I shouldn’t be. Gorgeous place, Gill. I can’t wait for the housewarming.”

And just like that, Jan was gone.

Finn stared back at Gillian, looking at her differently now that she knew a little more about her past. About…the woman behind the mask. None of it changed anything for Finn. She still wanted to know her. In every aspect. “Hey. Don’t worry about not texting me back. It’s cool.”

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