Page 56 of Study You

“N-no. You look amazing.” Gillian closed her eyes, exhaling a deep breath through her nose. “What I mean is, you seem fine. But I still wanted to check.”

“How about we have a conversation. Get any awkwardness out of the way now?” Finn started to shed her leather jacket, but Gillian held up a hand. “Or…not.”

“No, I do. I do want to have a conversation. I think you deserve that from me at the very least, but not here.” Gillian looked around at the dust sheets and broken wood lying around. “I’d like to be able to sit down.”

“Fair enough.” Finn nodded. “So, where did you want to go?”

Back to my apartment so I can see you naked. Gillian cleared her throat. “There’s a park nearby. Maybe we could walk and then sit for a while?”

“That sounds perfect.”

“Have you driven here?” Gillian asked as they both made their way towards the front door. She turned out the lights, sending the entire house into darkness, listening to Finn’s soft breathing.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well, if you follow me, it’s only around the corner.” Was it the darkness playing tricks on Gillian, or was Finn standing painfully close to her? She turned around, only to find Finn taking her hand and stepping closer. “Finn…”

“I miss you,” Finn whispered. “I’m sorry about that night at the hotel. I wish I could have given you what you wanted…what you needed from me.”

“I…it’s okay.” Gillian closed her eyes, willing Finn to lean in and kiss her. She wouldn’t, Finn had made her decision, but the thought alone had Gillian’s legs almost shaking. “Really, you have nothing to apologise for.”

“Can I take it all back?” Finn stroked her thumb across Gillian’s knuckles. “Pretend it never happened?”

“Which part? The conversation we had or all the fucking we did beforehand.”

“The conversation,” Finn said, her other hand coming to rest on Gillian’s hip. “I never want to take back anything else. I could never regret being with you. No matter how it ended, I could never.”

Okay, Gillian really needed Finn to kiss her now. She craved it. But Finn surely couldn’t mean what she was saying. Her student had been so honest in that hotel room, so genuine, that Gillian had to talk everything through first. “I think we should go for that walk. It’s important to me that I know where your head is at.”

“Do you promise to tell me where yours is at too? Because on Saturday, you didn’t say very much at all.”

Gillian lifted a hand and stroked Finn’s cheek. She had no idea what conversation they would have, or how much she would divulge, but she really hoped she could get out of her head long enough to give Finn the answers she deserved. “I promise to be as open as I possibly can be.”

Finn took a step back and let go of Gillian’s hand. “Then yes. This talk is important.”

Chapter 19

Finn walked slowly around the park with Gillian, the tension palpable as the few streetlights around illuminated the darkened pathways. She wouldn’t usually stroll through a park at night, but Gillian wanted to talk…and Finn wanted some answers. Sure, she’d stupidly hinted at taking everything back before, but Finn couldn’t control how she felt around Gillian. She had this pull. A magnetism. Something so strong that all sensible thoughts left Finn’s mind when they were breathing the same air.

It wasn’t ideal to allow that, but Finn would learn to deal with it in time.

At least, that’s what she hoped for.

Gillian finally lifted her head, choosing to focus on Finn rather than the Converse she wore tonight. She had been staring down at them for the last ten minutes. An interesting choice and one that only had Finn’s heart pumping faster. Gillian Masters dressed down was still quite something. More so when she wore jeans that clung to her legs…and her arse.

“You okay?” Finn asked, her hands in her pockets. “We don’t have to do this right now if you’d rather not.”

“To be perfectly honest, I don’t know what the right thing to do is.” Gillian regarded Finn with the smallest smile, and then she shook her head. “Those things you said to me last week, I wasn’t expecting them. I don’t understand how you can feel that way about me, Finn.”

Finn appreciated that Gillian was open to this conversation. “I thought it was important that I was honest with you. We agreed to come clean. I let my feelings get in the way, and I had to tell you. I…hoped you might have felt it too, but obviously it’s fine that you don’t.”

“I…do. I feel many things when we’re together, Finn. I need you to know that.”

Finn’s heart raced at Gillian’s admission. She hadn’t known how she would feel if Gillian told her there was some kind of mutual feeling present. Clammy palms—that was one thing she felt. “Right, okay. Then why are you so surprised that I feel what I feel for you?”

“Because I don’t understand how. We’ve spent a few nights together, and you see something in me? I just find it hard to believe. That’s all.”

“Yeah, well, I’m finding it hard to believe that a woman like you, someone who really knows how to fucking rock my world, can think so little of herself.”

---