Page 54 of Study You

“Because you deserve to have a life, Finley. You’ve done everything for me, and I realise that it can’t go on. I had a talk with Sue, and she agreed. You work and look after me. There’s no in-between. I don’t want you to come to resent me, Finley.”

“I-I don’t. I…won’t. Only do this if you’re sure, Mum.”

Carol nodded. “I am sure. Now, get to your work. You look tired, my love.”

“I’m okay.” Finn was tired of life more than anything lately. She had known that the Gillian thing wouldn’t go anywhere, stuff like that rarely did for Finn, but she’d been enjoying herself. Part of Finn wished she could have been stronger. That she could disregard the feeling she had around Gillian and just keep pleasing her. Or…maybe that Gillian could have felt the same way and had told Finn that. God, she desperately wanted to know what the hell was on Gillian’s mind. “Probably just need a good night’s sleep.”

“Is everything okay? Your dad says you weren’t home for a few nights last weekend. And you’ve been terribly quiet.”

Carol wouldn’t know that since the medication she was on included sleeping pills. Finn was surprised her dad had even noticed she wasn’t here. “Yeah. I just…kinda met someone.”

“Oh?” Carol grinned. “Tell me all about them.”

“Unfortunately, there’s nothing to tell you, Mum. It didn’t go anywhere.”

“Has it been going on for long?”

Finn sat in the chair beside Carol’s bed. She was aware of just how ridiculous she was. How the fuck did anyone develop feelings for another person in a few days? Pathetic. “No. Not really. Only a few days.” Only it hadn’t been a few days, and Finn knew that. Still, it felt ridiculous to find herself in this position.

“Then why do you look so sad, love?”

Finn wasn’t sure she had an answer for that. And if she did manage to find one, she wasn’t sure she wanted to verbalise it. She didn’t enjoy feeling pain. Not like this. Because deep down, that was what she felt. Pain for the position she had put herself in. Pain for the way she couldn’t control her emotions and just give Gillian what she wanted. Pain for…her entire situation. Her lack of love. Her need for something more. Finn was just in pain.

“Finley?”

Finn looked up at her mum with tears in her eyes. “I really liked her, Mum. I loved being with her. It was short and sweet…but epic, too.”

“If you loved being with her, why aren’t you anymore?”

“She…isn’t looking for anything serious.” Finn wasn’t about to tell her mum that she fucked women to unwind. No way. “But that’s okay. We don’t all want the same thing, do we?”

“I think she’s a fool.” Carol lay her head back and stared up at the ceiling. “A complete fool!”

“No, we’re not doing that. She’s entitled to feel what she feels, and that’s okay. I don’t hate her for it. Actually, I’d love to see her happy and with someone in the future. She’s just not into that right now.”

“Well, forget about her and move on. Life is for living now, Finley. I want you to grab it with both hands.”

Finn got to her feet and leaned down, kissing her mum on the cheek. “I will. But first, I need to get this job in the bag. It’s a big one.”

“Will you be able to manage it with your studies?”

“Yeah. For sure. I’ll probably work evenings and weekends when I’m able to. The owner of the house doesn’t have a specific timescale.” How exactly would this all work if Gillian was happy with Finn’s quote? Would she show up and be around when Finn was? While she could be professional and do her job, Finn wasn’t quite sure she could get over Gillian while she was in the very same house as her.

“Well, then I’m going to pray that you get it.”

“Thanks. Give me a shout if you need anything, okay?” Finn’s phone buzzed in the back pocket of her jeans.

Could you meet me at the house if you’re available?

Finn’s eyes widened.

It was Gillian.

“Speak of the devil. It’s the homeowner.”

“And?”

Finn smiled, even if she was slightly apprehensive about being alone with Gillian at any point in the near future. “They want me to meet them at the house.”

---