Page 38 of Study You

“Don’t you think it may be a good idea to at least recognise what could potentially happen? Or is this just definitely some throw-away thing with Finn? You may not speak about her much, but the fact you’re even sleeping with her says enough.”

“What exactly does it say?” Gillian didn’t need her best friend to analyse any of her behaviours. It wasn’t what she wanted from their friendship right now.

“That you’re ready to move on from Dave.”

She snorted. “I’ve been ready to move on from him for a long time. I have moved on from him.”

“Yes, you’re right, but this is different. It feels different. Before you brought Finn into your life, your confidence was on the floor. You didn’t leave the apartment unless you had to work. Doesn’t that say a lot about where this could be headed?”

“Jan…”

“I’m just saying that I see the changes in you. Positive changes.”

“Yeah, well, when you have a twenty-six-year-old that hangs on your every word, eyeing you up on a daily basis, it’s hard not to feel confident.” Wait, no. Part of that made Gillian sound like she knew exactly what she was doing. Luring Finn in. But it wasn’t like that. Finn had been the one to take that step. She had been the one to chase Gillian around. “Does that make me sound terrible?”

“No, babe. It just tells me that you know your worth. That you’re not borderline reclusive anymore. You know I hated seeing you like that. We all did. If Finn makes you feel good, then don’t lose that.”

Was Gillian making a mistake in giving the work on the house to Finn? Right now, in this moment, it felt exactly like that. Because Jan was right. Finn did make her feel like a new woman. Gillian had been so confident and full of life before Dave destroyed her. The last thing she wanted to do was grow attached to Finn because she was the only person who paid her any attention. “I think maybe I should put an end to it.”

“To…what?”

“Finn.”

Jan fell silent, as did Gillian. She didn’t want to stop seeing Finn, not by a long shot, but in terms of the possible outcome, it would probably be for the best.

“Is that what you want to do?” Jan asked.

“I’m not really bothered if we continue or not.” Oh, Jesus. Gillian could have tried to sound more convincing than that. Jan was going to see right through it. “It’s just something to pass the time. And that’s true for Finn, too.”

“Gill, I know you’re still not back to normal, but at least use me for what I’m here for. To listen. To be your best friend…with no judgement.”

Gillian smiled at that. She had a lot to thank Jan for over the last year. “I’m not sure I want to say it out loud. Because then it becomes real.”

“What becomes real, babe?”

“How I potentially feel about Finn. What a mess I know I could get myself into.” Gillian dragged a hand through her hair, her knuckles white where she gripped the steering wheel. “She’s lovely. She’s ridiculously hot. But she cares too, you know?”

“I’d hope she cares if she’s sleeping with my best friend.”

“That’s just it, though. We’re only supposed to be sleeping together. Yet, I woke up with her again this morning after purposely seeking her out for her birthday. She does little things like make me a coffee when I wake up. Shouldn’t I be asking her to leave once we’ve done whatever the hell she has planned for us on any given night? Shouldn’t I not care if I walk into the house and see her now?”

“Do you care if you see her?”

Gillian swallowed. “I’m…scared to see her.”

“Why?”

“Because, Jan. Because she’s not just an amazing fuck. She’s so much more than that. And she’s my student. I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want her to hurt me. This…whatever it is…can never be anything more. It simply cannot.”

“I think you need to give yourself a chance to see where things do go with her. Maybe one of you will get hurt, but that’s life, Gill. Imagine walking away from something you’re getting a lot of joy from…only to regret it down the line.”

Gillian sighed, placing her hand on the door handle. “Can we talk about this later? Finn is waiting for me. I’m already late.”

“Of course. Call me when you’re back at the apartment.”

* * *

Finn jotted down some measurements before she left the kitchen, satisfied that she could make it something pretty special for Gillian, depending on her budget. Either way, the end result would be great, but Finn had a feeling Gillian didn’t plan to scrimp on her new place. Whatever came, Finn was more than ready for this project. She’d needed something to sink her teeth into, something she could focus on other than her uni assignments, so this had fallen into her lap at the right moment. Okay, maybe that wasn’t the entire truth. Finn had taken this on—aware that it was a monumental task—because she wanted to impress Gillian. She wanted to be around her while hoping that maybe Gillian would find herself longing for Finn, too. And this was another safe way of spending time together without getting caught.

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