Page 25 of Study You

“It’s…amazing. Breathtaking.”

Finn wanted to say that Gillian was the very same thing, but she wouldn’t. One more word in that direction, and this was over. She felt it in the sudden atmosphere.

“Do you come up here often?” Gillian turned to Finn.

“Yeah. Usually a few times a week…before we started hooking up again, anyway.”

“Why?”

Finn frowned. “Why…do I come here?”

“No. Sorry. Why don’t you come here as much anymore?”

“Because I haven’t needed to. I come here to get away from things. I just sit and think and appreciate the beauty of my surroundings. Since I met you, I haven’t felt I needed to clear my head so much.”

“I…it’s only been a week or so.”

Finn shrugged. It hadn’t only been a week. It had been months of longing and fantasising. Still, if Gillian preferred to not remember how this all began, Finn would keep that in mind. “And in that week or so, I’ve felt good and haven’t wanted to be here. I’d rather keep my evenings free for you. Whenever that’s possible.”

“I see.” Gillian stared down at the ground. “There was something I wanted to mention, actually.”

Noticing the change in Gillian, that sexy smouldering look no longer present that was so often there, Finn simply offered a single nod. Gillian was calling this off, and all because Finn didn’t know when to shut her mouth. “Okay.”

“Whatever this is…it needs to be weekends only.”

“That’s okay. I’m happy with anything you’re comfortable with.”

Gillian inched her hand towards Finn’s, where it hung at her side. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I know you think I only want to fuck you, and I know that’s all you want from me, so whatever it is that’s best for you…is best for me.”

“It’s not about that, Finn.”

It felt like it. Given the talking down to about compliments, and now this, it sure felt like it. “Okay.”

“So, maybe the weekend coming up? Once you’ve had your birthday drinks and stuff. The Saturday? Could we see one another then?”

“Yeah.” Finn scuffed her boots against the ground, not sure what else to say. She had planned to ask Gillian about coming out for her birthday again—this week and last week were two entirely different situations now—but it was probably best if she didn’t. “Yeah, that would be nice.”

“I just have a lot of work on at the minute, and if I want to enjoy my weekends, I should dedicate my weeknights to it.”

Finn held up a hand. “Please, you don’t need to explain yourself.”

“I know. But I wanted to just put it out there so we’re on the same page.”

“Look,” Finn said, stepping closer and squeezing Gillian’s hand. “You just let me know when you want to see me, and I’ll be there. I’ll work around you. It’s no problem.”

“That makes this all feel very one-sided in who wants what, Finn.”

Wasn’t it? Because that was how it was beginning to feel to Finn. But she understood completely. And whether it did feel one-sided at times or not, Finn couldn’t imagine not having Gillian in her life anymore. “Maybe it is, to an extent. But you’re the one who has something to lose here, not me. So you tell me what you want, when you want it, and we can go from there.” Finn took her phone from her pocket and checked the time. “And we should probably head back. It’s nearly nine now.”

“Thank you.” Gillian held onto Finn’s hand when she tried to pull away. “For understanding and for tonight.”

“No problem.”

* * *

Gillian unhooked her seatbelt when Finn brought her car to a stop. The atmosphere had become more and more tense as they’d passed different road signs. Everything had changed once they’d gotten out of the car, but Gillian didn’t know why. Finn had been wonderful tonight. Every time Gillian looked at her, she got lost in Finn’s eyes. So…why this? Why had Finn barely spoken two words during the drive back?

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