Page 56 of Holding Her Heart

“Alright. Now wait a minute,” Dom cut in.

“I’ve spent the best part of two months trying to get her off my mind. I wanted to do the right thing. I thought she was straight, and when I met her, she had a boyfriend. I knew she wasn’t happy, and even though I wanted her to be happy with me, I had no right to go in there all guns blazing. Because she’s my boss and now my friend.” Aster took a breath, tears falling down her face. “You two have no idea how I fucking feel. You don’t know how hard it is to walk into work every morning and see her gorgeous face. You don’t know how much I desperately want to see her each night when I go home alone. Neither of you have a fucking clue. And the reason you don’t is because it’s not your business.”

Blair opened her mouth to speak, sighing as she fell short of any words.

“The times I’ve wanted her to know how I feel are too many to count. I’ve sat at home begging myself to pick up the phone and call her, so I could be honest. I was even willing to tell her how I felt so she could decide if she still wanted me to work with her, because deep down, I knew I couldn’t hold all of this in forever. But this is all a mess now, and while we’re standing here arguing about who is right and who is wrong…Eden is home, alone.”

Blair offered a sheepish smile. “So what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know.” Aster sobbed into her hands, immediately enveloped by more than one pair of arms. “I don’t want her to be sad, and I never meant to make her feel this way, but I didn’t expect any of this tonight. You have to understand that.”

“I do,” Blair spoke quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“I-I was getting over the idea,” Aster whispered, her stomach continuously somersaulting. “I was trying to stop looking at her as though she could be mine.”

“Aster, you have to go to her.”

“I can’t. You didn’t see the look in her eyes when I pushed her away. She just…God, I’ve hurt her. I never wanted to hurt her.” Aster’s emotions overwhelmed her, her knees almost giving out. “Blair, I’ve fucked up.”

“No. I have.” Blair sighed. “I should have told you. Eden asked me not to, but I should have. Then none of this would have happened.”

Aster’s head spun. This night could have been ending differently. God, she could have been in Eden’s arms right now.

Don’t torture yourself.

“Could you give me some space to figure it all out myself?” Aster wouldn’t usually ask that of someone, but this meddling had been going on behind her back, and it wasn’t okay. “I need some time. I need to maybe leave the city and visit my dad for a while. I’m pretty sure I’m the last person Eden wants to see anyway.”

“If you turned up at her door right now, I know she’d see you.”

“But I can’t do that. I have too much to work through in my head. I’ve spent every moment since I met her pushing down how I feel. You can’t expect me to throw it all away because you told her to kiss me.”

“I didn’t tell her to kiss you. She said she was going to tell you how she felt. Anything that happened afterwards is down to Eden.”

“Still, I need to be alone right now. I mean, how do I know I’m not some experiment to her? How can I be sure that she’ll still be here three months down the line?”

“She will be…” Blair eyed Aster.

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Aster held her thumb out as a hackney cab approached. She only lived ten minutes away, but she didn’t have the energy to walk tonight. “Please, mind your own business in future. The mess you’ve created is one I now have to fix.” Aster climbed into the cab, not bothering to say goodbye to the team. Really, they were the last thing on her mind. And Grace, the one who mattered, would understand.

Oh, Eden. Why didn’t you give me a hint of how you felt before now?

16

With a shaking hand, Aster keyed in a code she knew she probably shouldn’t use. It was the code that would grant her access to Eden’s apartment building. Yes, she’d snuck a look one evening when they’d come back here together. She wasn’t proud of the fact, and she’d never had any intentions of using it without her boss’ say so, but Aster wasn’t sure Eden would answer a call from her, let alone invite her up to her apartment.

She’d checked the car park when she arrived here; Eden’s Mercedes was in her numbered spot. How did that make her feel? Honestly, Aster half wished that Eden wasn’t home. Then she wouldn’t have to see her. But the other half was glad she was home because Aster needed to collect her belongings from yesterday, including her camera kit. It went everywhere with her; she never knew when she may need it.

As the lock clicked, the door seemingly less heavy than usual. Aster quickly slipped inside and stood in front of the lift. Two floors up, and she would be standing outside Eden’s door. Thirty seconds more, and she would see the woman who tried to kiss her last night.

That moment had played on Aster’s mind from the second it happened, the tiredness evident in her eyes as she swilled her face this morning in the bathroom mirror. She hadn’t slept…not a wink. She lay in bed, the same music playing in her head that played last night as Eden gripped her hips, the vividness of the memory sending every hair on her body on end. God, the emotions were powerful. Almost too powerful to deal with.

Aster stepped forward, pressing the call button for the lift. She had no intentions of bothering Eden for any longer than necessary, so it was best to get this over with. She would take her things and allow Eden to get on with the rest of her Sunday.

But then her phone pinged in her pocket.

It was Dom.

D: Checking in with you this morning. How are you?

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