Page 38 of Shattered Love

Murphy laid on the bed alone. Glancing behind me, I didn’t spot Warner or Rainer. I hesitated for a moment, but when Murphy held out an arm, I shut the door behind me, climbing into his embrace.

As I nuzzled into his chest, the walls around my emotions fell, the tears I held back falling freely down my cheeks. His hand ran soothingly up and down my back, soft words whispered in my ear.

“I should be comforting you,” I sputtered through the tears.

“Having you safe and in my arms? That’s the only comfort I need.”

I had no idea how long we stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s arms, creating a bubble of safety for only the two of us. Eventually, Murphy’s chest rose in a solid rhythm and I knew he was asleep.

I wanted to stay in his arms, fall asleep with him wrapped around me, but I couldn’t find sleep. Untangling myself, I crawled off the bed. When I reached the door, I took one last look at him.

The bruises looked harsher in the dark, his face swollen from his lips to his eyes. But the injuries would fade. All that mattered was that he was alive.

The thought that he could have been killed nearly brought me to my knees, more tears streaming down my cheeks. And I knew in that moment, the way my heart broke at merely the thought of his death, that I loved this man.

The thought equally elated and frightened me. I knew there could be worse men to love and Murphy was one of the best. But in this world, love was a scary thing. I had already lost people that I loved, picking up the pieces of my soul that broke with their deaths.

And I feared that if I lost one more, I would no longer be able to put the pieces back together, completely and utterly shattered.

Chapter Twenty-One

“Where’s Warner?” I asked as I landed on the last step of the stairs.

Rainer sat on the couch, a gun dangling from one hand, his head resting in the other. His head raised at my question, the circles under his eyes darker than before.

“Went out to find some food. We’re going to need more if we have to wait a month for the trains.”

I slowly stepped off the stairs, wandering into the living room and taking a seat beside Rainer, a notable gap of space between us.

“You didn’t go with him?” I knew the two of them butted heads, but it seemed that Rainer would be adamant against someone traipsing through town on their own.

He chuckled humorlessly. “He can take care of himself. Plus, someone has to keep watch over everyone else, right?”

Anger tinted his words, something deeper under the surface that he wasn’t saying. I hesitated in silence. I debated asking him if everything was alright, knowing Rainer wasn’t one for deep conversations. And if I asked, it could easily end with him telling me to screw off.

But his eyes looked so sad. His shoulders were slouched, none of the man I had come to know peeking through.

“Are you okay?” I finally asked on a whisper, reaching a hand out to gently rest on his thigh.

Rainer stared at my hand for several moments before falling back against the couch, his head lolling against the cushions.

Turning to face me, he said, “I thought I could keep us all safe.”

Lines formed between my eyes as my brow furrowed. “We are all safe.”

I didn’t understand what he meant. How did he not see what the rest of us saw? What I saw? He had done everything he hoped, keeping us all safe for seven months.

Rainer looked at me with a droll expression. “Murphy was nearly beaten to death. Your brother almost died. You almost died. In what world is that safe?”

He laughed again, so much angst in the simple sound. And for the first time, I realized the tough man was only a façade. The asshole wasn’t the real Rainer; it was simply a mask for his fear.

Squeezing his leg under my hand, I dared him to look my way again. “The key word is almost. We’re all alive, Rainer. And as much as I hate to admit it,” I smiled wryly, “that’s because of you.”

Rainer continued to stare at me and I took a deep breath before giving him the words he had given me. “I’m proud of you.”

The air around us shifted with my words. The desperation in his eyes faded, the fear slipping away, as he looked at me with something I could only describe as adoration.

In that moment, I no longer saw the man who I could have sworn hated me. I didn’t see the man who was living out his wilderness dreams. No, I saw a mirror of my own reflection. Someone who was terrified of what every new day brought, but rose to the occasion if only to protect those around him.

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