Page 19 of Shattered Home

Rainer grumbled more and more each day, hating the fact he couldn’t do anything. Thankfully, no infection had spread to the wound and through his body, but the antibiotics were now gone.

Murphy, Sasha, Mina and I had taken on the jobs Rainer and Murphy used to do on their own. Sasha and Murphy hunted each day while Mina and I scavenged for nuts and fruits in the woods, gathering firewood and water from the creek.

I would never hope for something horrible to happen to us, but I had to admit that since the intruder’s attack, we had become a cohesive unit. And I finally felt like I was being welcomed into the fold, taking my place amongst our small group.

However, there was one thing I couldn’t get over. In the past month, I had made an effort to learn how to survive, whether it be starting a fire – which I finally managed on my own once– or getting food for us to eat. But no matter that I was more confident in those abilities, each night, I was bombarded with nightmares.

The nightmares were no longer about the day the fires had started or watching my dad get shot right before my eyes. No, the nightmares were now about the two men who had held me against my will, a deadly weapon pressed against me. And each night, I relived those moments, knowing that without Rainer, I wouldn’t be alive today.

I hated the feeling of vulnerability, which was why I was gathering up my courage as I checked over Rainer’s injury.

“It’s healing. But without proper stitches or physical therapy, I don’t know how much mobility you’ll have. And you’ll still be in a lot of pain.”

We had removed the tourniquet less than two hours after Rainer had been shot, and I had been thankful when the dense flow of blood hadn’t returned. I replaced the soaked bandages with clean cloth from our clothing every few days and finally, a scar was forming over the skin.

My shirt was no more than a few inches past my chest at this point, as well as everyone else’s, but it was a small price to pay to make sure Rainer’s arm had been protected from as much debris as we could manage.

“I can deal with the pain,” Rainer said and I rolled my eyes at his tough guy act, but he continued. “And at least it isn’t my right arm. I’ll be fine, Less.”

That was a development over the past few weeks as well. I was no longer being glared at twenty-four seven, although I still caught a frown whenever I was pressing him to rest. And I couldn’t decide how I felt about the nickname. On one hand, it made me think we were past the animosity, but on the other hand I couldn’t help but consider the word. Less. If this had been two months ago, I would have thought it was a way to remind me that I was less than everyone else here. And now, now, I wasn’t so sure what it all meant.

“I wanted to ask for your help,” I mumbled, knowing I needed to speak now before my courage left me.

Rainer’s eyes widened in curiosity. “You want my help? With what?”

“This is twice now that I couldn’t protect myself. I want to learn how to fight. How to shoot. How to use that hunting knife. I don’t want to be at the mercy of someone else ever again.”

If possible, Rainer’s brows raised even higher, and I knew he was shocked by my statement. But my words were the truth. I couldn’t live in a false reality anymore, where I thought this would eventually end and life would go back to normal. As Rainer had said, this was the real world now and I needed to prepare myself for how to survive it.

“Why don’t you ask Murphy? He can teach you as much as I can.”

I had considered asking Murphy. I knew he was just as capable as Rainer, the two of them were yin and yang. But I didn’t want to correlate Murphy with the fear that washed over me each night when the nightmares came. He was my comfort.

And if I was going to learn to face off against men that were more than happy to put a bullet through my skull, I couldn’t have someone that was going to pull their punches to protect me. I needed Rainer, as much as I hated to admit it.

“He’s busy teaching me other things.” The words were true, but Rainer didn’t deserve the genuine explanation. No matter the changes in the past few weeks, we weren’t friends, and I didn’t want him to view me as the vulnerable woman who had been living here for the first three months.

“Then I’ll help you. We can start now if you want,” Rainer offered and I schooled my features so he didn’t see my shock at how readily he agreed.

“I need to gather more firewood with Mina. We can meet near the creek in a few hours.” I paused, standing up from the log we sat on. “And can you not tell Murphy? I don’t want him to worry.”

Rainer’s brows pinched together, his lips pursed, but finally, he nodded. Returning the gesture, I took off into the woods, Mina waiting for me. The two of us chatted about menial things as we gathered wood, but my mind wandered to the plan for this afternoon.

I had been living in fear for too long now and I knew this was what I needed to do. Even if the thought of facing someone again made me weak in the knees.

“You won’t be stronger than an attacker. So, you have to be smarter.” Rainer stood across from me in a small opening of trees next to the creek.

The familiar sound of rushing water from my mornings with Emmanuel soothed my nerves and I nodded, listening intently.

“Twice now someone has attacked you from behind. We’ll work on how to get out of a hold.”

“And what if they have a weapon? That’s also happened twice now.”

Rainer cocked a brow at the attitude in my voice, but my words were fair. Getting out of a hold didn’t mean much if an attacker could shoot me before I moved an inch.

“We’ll get to that. But disarming someone isn’t going to help you if you can’t even get out of their hold.”

Fair enough. Spreading my arms wide in invitation, I waited for the actual lesson to begin. Rainer shook his head as if he was already tired of teaching me, but he came toward me anyway.

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