Page 55 of Reckless

“Well, it’s a good job I like to perform to the best of my ability then, isn’t it?”

Jude leans back and reaches onto the bedside for a condom. I’m already wet and ready, from the way he looks at me. He deals with getting the condom on, then rolls me onto my back and moves between my legs. I open up to him without hesitation and close my eyes as he thrusts in.

The intensity of his movements is different to the way he was last night. And I am so here for it, gripping his hips to urge him to go harder.

His gaze darkens as he goes up on his knees, gripping the headboard, looming high over me. He stares, using the extra leverage to thrust harder. I’m spiraling hard within a few minutes.

His smirk when I come makes me pinch his ass once I get my wits about me. It knocks him off his stride, making him laugh, but then he sits back on his knees, and pulls my hips up so the backs of my thighs are resting on his. He pumps into me with such focused intensity, all I can do is hold on to his arms until he finds his own release.

He plants one hand on the mattress beside my shoulder as he leans over me again, his chest heaving from the exertion. When he leans down to kiss me, I welcome it, not worrying one bit about morning breath if he isn’t.

“I want to shower with you, but I don’t think it’s feasible.”

“Nope.” I stretch my arms as he gets up.

“That’s some bullshit,” he mumbles as he disappears into the bathroom.

He makes me smile.

I feel deliciously sore. I can’t help the shiver that runs through me. Jude Smallwood is in my bed. Wanting me to shower with him. How is this my life right now?

Reality sets in when I use the other bathroom. I can’t get attached. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like this, and that is going to make it so much harder to let go when the time comes.

The sense of calm I get when I’m around him is addictive. Talking to him is fast becoming one of my favorite things to do. Having him in my space was terrifying, but he made me relax, feel comfortable having a stranger with me on this trip.

My family and friends are going to think I’m crazy. How I am going to explain what is between us is beyond me.

I’m a happy, content person by nature. It’s the life I have created for myself, marching to the beat of my own drum. I stopped conforming to industry standards when I dropped my publisher. I took the path I wanted to take. Jude needs that in his life, and I think being around me is rubbing off on him a little. I fear when he returns to LA, he’ll lose it again, but I hope he won’t.

He deserves better than he’s been dealt the last couple of years. He hasn’t elaborated on the full deal with this Cody guy. I guess knowing a large part of the pressure the band has been placed under because of their manager, will be gone now. Sure, they have the investigation to deal with, and the consequences of the money they’ve lost, but I don’t think Jude will be concerned with that.

In the future, they can make things better without Cody there. That is a huge part of the problem resolved for him.

I hate questioning myself or the situations I’m in, but part of me is still amazed he’s stuck around. The problem with Cody is a big deal and his band mates have asked him to come back. I don’t think he only stuck around because he knew we were getting closer, flirting around one another. Now the inevitable has happened, is he going to leave?

Somehow, I know that isn’t true. Even when he is in the height of his own issues, trying to figure everything out, he gives a lot of himself. He’s the type of person who holds true to a commitment. It’s obvious from how he kept doing the shows he was being forced into when he shouldn’t have been.

Am I right to hold him to staying with me? Not that I’ve asked him, or even invited him along. I can’t help but feel jealous of the friends in his life, the ones he will go back to when this is over. The ones who get to be around him.

We won’t ever have that.

I’m scared it’s too late for my stupid heart. And what’s scarier, I knew it before the sex. It’s true what they say, sex always complicates things. I can’t fall for a guy I can never be with.

I have to see this for what it is, and a relationship it is not.

Chapter 15

“It’s not that hard.”

I’m holding onto the armrests and give Jude an incredulous look. “You’re driving in a straight line on a back road no one ever uses.”

“But that’s more or less what a highway is, right?” he smirks.

“Focus on the road,” I admonish, and he grins, but does as he is told.

We’ve been driving up and down the same stretch of road for the last half hour. I’m surprised we found a place to practise, but there is a lot of wide-open space in South Dakota. Luckily, we’ve yet to encounter anyone on the road. It’s wide enough that two vehicles can pass, so I’m not too worried.

I have to take over when we need to turn because he’s not used to the sheer length and swing, but I promised he can try on the next go around.

---