Page 34 of Reckless

“We’re good. The only reason they’ve not commented is because it's good publicity.”

“How is you being missing good publicity? Seems all that is going to achieve is making people think there is something wrong even more than you’ve let on.”

“Any publicity is good publicity.”

“They don’t care about what it will do to you?”

My head shakes and she looks horrified. “They’ve got us by the balls. It took weeks to get them to agree to cancelling the summer shows. The only reason they did in the end was because a therapist threatened them. And they got us to agree to make up some shows next year.”

“So this year’s problem will become next years. They haven’t learned anything?”

“They want to make money. We’re a money machine.”

“Your human beings,” she says, outraged on our behalf. “They shouldn’t be allowed to treat you that way.”

I love how expressive her face is, how vehemently she’s defending people she doesn’t know.

“It’s how the industry works. Don’t get me wrong, Krista, it’s not all bad.”

“That doesn’t make it right, not when the bad is soul destroying. None of you, or anyone else for that matter, should put up with that level of pressure. Jeez, it’s no wonder rockstars turn to drugs and alcohol.”

“I’ve never done that,” I say, sitting up straighter.

“I know,” she says, with a small frown. “You did the right thing. It’s hard to do, especially when it comes to thinking about ourselves. People struggle to speak up all the time and suffer in silence. I hate it. It’s why so many people are messed up.”

“There isn’t a lot we can do about it. I’ve done what I can, short of quitting.”

We’re interrupted by our food arriving. It smells delicious. I pick up my cutlery and indicate for her to dig in. After a few bites, she let out a heavy sigh.

“Would you ever do that?”

“What?”

“Quit.”

“No.” My answer comes quickly. Shit may be tough right now, but I love what I do. “I’m probably an idiot to think stepping away for a while is going to change things. One reason they didn’t want us to take the break was we’ll become irrelevant, and people won’t remember us.”

“Christ, it’s not like you’re taking a year out. A few months will not change how people feel about the band.”

“You think?” I smirk, but there is a vulnerability in the question. And I don’t like it.

No one wants to become irrelevant. It was the biggest concern I had about doing this, after Cody and the other assholes at the label put the thought in our heads. Ethan is even more hung up on the idea of people forgetting who we are. It’s the reason I haven’t spoken to him in a while.

There is no real discord between me and the rest of the band. We all agreed to it, but I can tell there is some resentment there, or fear maybe. Ethan would never call me on it. But it’s in the back of my mind to be careful how it’s affecting the other guys. No matter how they reassure me they’re fine.

“Jude?”

I look up from my food.

“Where did you go?”

Should I be honest? Something about Krista makes me want to be. And part of my plans to make myself better is to speak my truth when I can.

“I’m worried about how this is affecting the other guys in the band.”

“You said they all agreed to it,” she cocks her head.

“They did, and I know they support me. But there is always that fear in the back of my mind that they’re going to suffer.”

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