Page 103 of The Sounds of Her

Sleep won’t come. The only thing I focus on is her. Over the last week I’ve watched and memorised every laugh, every movement. I’ve coveted each word she says, every expression on her face, letting her sink inside of me, deeper than I’ve let any woman before.

Saying something about what is going on in my head will drive her away. Brooke has so much going on. Dealing with me wondering what it will be like to make this real, will make her run a mile.

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, not being around her twenty-four seven, I’m sure I’ll wake up and realise it is all in the moment.

All our talk of relationships, how I’ve never had one since high school, plays on my mind. We’re living in a fantasy here. Our real lives in New York are distant and strangely unfamiliar. We can pretend we’re different people here and believe it.

Everything is going to change when she leaves, everything will go back to the way it was before.

Our flight leaves before hers. She’ll be alone for two hours before she has to go to the airport. Brooke is more than capable of getting herself home, but I hate what she is going home to.

Knowing she has to deal with her parents and that fucking prick, Roman bothers me. I don’t want her anywhere near that shithead. I’m almost tempted to ask Stone to get someone to stay close to her, but she’ll kick my ass if I do that. Asking her to stay away from him won’t work. Brooke wants to deal with this her way.

The girls have gone for brunch to say goodbye to Brooke as they’ll still be on the tour with us. I remain in the suite with my guitar, my head full to bursting with ideas I have to get on paper.

An hour later, I read over what I’ve written. It’s by no means a song, none of it makes any sense together. It’s a far cry from what I’ve been writing for the past few weeks. There is no darkness, no grief or anger.

I don’t write love songs, I leave that shit to Adam. Not today, apparently.

Your heartbeat is a rhythm pulling me near. The echoes of your laughter. I jump from the ledge, can’t break the fall. Shadows play tricks on my soul. I’ll wrestle my demons for you.

The truth hits me. I’m writing this because of her. I want Brooke. Not for show, I want it to be real. I set the guitar down and begin to pace the floor. I’m tired, I’m worried about her going back home, I don't want to make this real. That isn’t who either of us are, or what either of us want. We’ve both said it enough times.

Saying something, doesn’t make it so.

Fuck.

Lost to my mini freak out, a knock at the door scares the shit out of me. I get it together and go to open it. Nick leans against the doorframe with one of his porno romance books in his hand.

“I’m bored,” he says, walking inside without invitation.

“Great. Why not come bother me?” I close the door after him.

I live with Nick, so I’m used to having him around. He is easy-going and the best person to take my mind off shit because he won’t pry. He makes himself a drink while I go back to the guitar, pretending I’m not writing a fucking love song about Brooke Hannon.

“Don’t bother offering me one.”

“Okay,” he grins. “Writing new shit?” he drops onto the couch with his coffee.

“Yeah. Mind never turns off.”

He nods, glancing around. My bag is packed. Brooke hasn’t finished yet, and some of her things are lying around the room. Nick takes everything in. He’s laid back, but he’s perceptive as shit.

“It’ll be different over the next ten days.”

I press a hand to the strings and drop my other hand to my lap. I was wrong about him prying.

“Something on your mind, Nick?”

He shrugs one shoulder. “Just an observation. You’re getting close to Brooke.”

“Don’t turn into Jordan.” I set the guitar down and go to make myself a coffee.

“As if,” he laughs. “I’m not gonna get in your business like that nosey shit, but I’m not blind.”

I’m not ready to share my feelings for Brooke. We need the distance for me to understand that. It will pass once we’re not around one another. Drink in hand, I sit on the chair opposite Nick.

“You gonna marry Elsa?”

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