Page 38 of Silver Fox Firefighters Next Door

I scowled. “I know it’s hard to believe with your attitude, but yes.”

“Are you willing to give up the time we do have to avoid getting too attached?” He’d turned serious and the mood between us shifted into something heavier. “You operate like we can’t get attached, too. I still want to steal every minute with you, even if it stings when we leave.”

I smiled to myself and looked down at his chest. “Stings…Is that the worst a heartache has felt for you?”

“I’ve felt a lot of shitty things, Eve. Compared to most of them, heartache has been a sting.” He sighed when he saw my face fall. “What’s that saying? It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”

“Coming from a man who thinks of heartache as a sting.” I took a deep breath and slowly untangled myself from him. I sat a few feet away from him on the couch and bit my lip as I considered my next move. “I don’t know, Tate. There’s what I want and there’s what I think is best for me. I like you guys. I want to come over and spend all my free time here. I want to take what I want and experience more brain-shattering sex. I have to be here when you leave, though. If it isn’t just a sting for me, it would suck.”

“Why can’t we just go into this with an open mind? No expectations and no expiration. Forget we said we’re leaving. Let’s just enjoy the brain-shattering sex and take it as it comes.” His earnest expression when he leaned forward and took my hands ruined me. Any chance I had of walking away crumbled. “Let us give you what you deserve right now.”

I rubbed my hands over my face and looked away. It was only a matter of when I agreed with him about taking a chance. I simply had to turn my brain off and do it. “Fine.”

“Well, don’t sound so excited about it.” He laughed and dragged me back onto his lap. Rubbing his nose up the side of my neck, he inhaled deeply and released the breath slowly, leaving goosebumps along my sensitive skin. “The ex is really out of the picture?”

I pushed off his chest and stood in front of him with my hands on my hips. “Are you guys this possessive over all of your flings?”

An emotion I couldn’t place flashed across his face. “We all have questions we don’t want to answer, even to ourselves, Evie.”

CHAPTER 30

Eve

I snuck back over to the guys’ cabin that night. Once Billie and Joanie were distracted, I slipped out and let myself in through the unlocked cabin door. I didn’t even make it halfway to the kitchen before Nash grabbed me and pulled me to the couch. What started as a quiet tumble turned into more brain-shattering sex in his bed with Aiden and Tate joining in. I went back the night after for more.

As soon as I gave myself permission to be with them, I dove straight in. I comforted Joanie during the day and Billy when she got back from work and then I tip-toed next door for a night of sex. I was exhausted but I’d never been more satisfied. Even with the growing sense of doom at the back of my mind, I couldn’t deny I was having fun.

We talked between rounds of sex and I found myself opening up to them. If I let myself think about it too much, it was terrifying. So, I didn’t. I shut the panicked part of my brain off. I figured I’d just deal with the fall out when it came.

After sex on the third night, I told them more about Mark. It came up and for once, I didn’t hold back. I didn’t sugar coat it and pretend like I hadn’t been destroyed. I’d been painting a better picture of my mental health for Grandpa for so long that being honest about everything felt like shrugging off a wet blanket.

“I’ve always wanted stability. Not having my parents, losing Grandma, it just made me feel so unsteady. I like it when things are the way they’re supposed to be and I like plans. Mark and I had plans. I knew what they were and it felt safe. Not to say that I wasn’t happy. I was. Mark made me so happy and things were so good between us. When I came back here, I didn’t think it was fair to force him into a long-distance relationship but I also fully believed I’d go back and we’d be together like nothing ever changed.” I sat up and moved higher on the bed until my back was pressed into the headboard. “We were still talking every day. And then he was engaged and all of my plans flew out the window.”

Aiden stared up at the ceiling. “He’s an asshole.”

“Yeah, I’m seeing that now. I don’t know if he was always an asshole, though. We were good together. Besides losing the person who had been my best friend for years, I lost the white-picket fence, the dog, the two kids. I’ve spent a year mourning a life I was convinced I’d have.” I smiled bitterly. “At least I know I can still connect with someone sexually. I was terrified I’d never be able to. As for the rest…I don’t know.”

“If you want a white-picket fence, a dog, and two kids, you’ll get them, Eve.” Nash grabbed my thigh and squeezed . “Men will line up to give you everything you want and more. You’re beautiful and sweet and just enough sassy to keep shit interesting. Mark wasn’t the guy but that doesn’t mean the guy isn’t out there.”

I smiled and stretched. “All the men in the world could line up but if it isn’t the right man, what’s the point? I don’t exactly trust my judgment anymore, though. I would’ve put my life on Mark being the one. Look at how that turned out.”

Tate took a deep breath and stood up. In all his naked glory, he slowly stretched. “You have excellent taste in men now. Look at us. We’re wonderful.”

“You’re nomads. There are no picket fences in your future. My taste is shit.” I laughed at their shocked expressions. “What? It’s true.”

“The only thing that’s going to save my hurt feelings is you coming here and getting on your knees.” Tate gestured to the ground in front of him. I knelt in front of him and bit my lip. His wide eyes told me he hadn’t expected me to actually do it. “Evie…”

That was our dance. When we got a little too close to talking about how wrong we were for each other, we had sex. When we started getting too serious, we had sex. It was the distraction of distractions. Unless we were talking about me. I’d noticed the guys let those conversations linger. They drank up everything I gave them but rarely gave anything back. If I started thinking about that too much, though, there was sex.

Another session of passionate sex led to a few hours of sleep and then we all went our separate ways. It was somehow both the most intimate and distant relationship in my life. It was a balancing act to keep from falling for them, but it was a balancing act that came a little too late. What good was a tightrope if you were already flying through the air?

When I went back home that morning, my mood was low enough for Joanie to notice. Billie was getting ready to leave for work when I came out of my room after crawling in through my window, and she stopped what she was doing to watch me. They’d both spent so much time with me I felt like we were merging brains at times, except for the big part I kept tucked away from them. That just seemed to be the type of relationship I was going to have, though. Ones where I held back major parts of myself and kept people at an arm’s length.

Joanie dropped her spoon and frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Billie waved her hand up and down the length of me. “Yeah, you look like shit. You never look like shit, but you look like shit.”

I grunted. “Thanks?”

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