Page 39 of Silver Fox Firefighters Next Door

“What’s going on with you? Don’t say nothing because we’re not stupid. We know something’s up. We also know you’ve been sneaking out to see your neighbors. We weren’t going to call you on it but now you’re looking sad.” Billie took my hand and pulled me to the couch. “Are you okay?”

I let out a laugh which threatened to turn into a cry. Shaking my head, I sucked in a deep breath. “I’m okay. I just…I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m so tired I can barely think straight. I’m okay, though.”

“You don’t seem okay.” Joanie sat down next to me and held my hand. “Do you need a vacation away from this place? It would get us all out of the battle.”

I groaned. “I forgot about the battle. Maybe we should skip town.”

Billie nodded. “It’s tomorrow. The battle. In case you missed Margaret’s sixteen messages and emails about it.”

“I’m not in any shape to participate in a battle.” I whined and slumped down on the couch. “What do you think Margaret would do to us if we didn’t show up?”

“I think it’d make the lube glue feel like child’s play.” Billie laughed and then straightened her face. “Are we still not laughing at that?”

“Just shoot me.” I rested my head on Joanie’s shoulder and sighed. “I need a nap. And then I need a gallon of black coffee. After that, maybe I’ll feel like I can face today.”

“Maybe you’ll talk to us tonight and let us know what’s been going on with you and your boyfriends that’s gotten you so twisted up.” Billie leaned down and awkwardly hugged me. “It’s no fun keeping everything in.”

I just smiled because I was afraid if I let even one thing out about that, I’d explode. I realized with a sinking feeling I was telling myself I just had to hold it in until the guys left. Once they were gone, I’d let it all out. I only hoped I could make it that long.

CHAPTER 31

Aiden

On shift and waiting at the fire station, I couldn’t sit still. I didn’t want anything to happen to anyone but an emergency call would’ve been pretty great at that point. I was going stir-crazy with thoughts of Eve. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt the way I was, with anxiety gnawing at me.

Eve’s words from the night before were crawling through my veins like hungry snakes, taking chunks of my sanity as they went. Hearing her talk about her ex and how good they were together made me itch but it was the other stuff, her future plans, which had me pacing. Her dream of a white-picket fence and kids fucked with my head.

It wasn’t hard to imagine her in that setting. She’d be an amazing wife and mother, without a doubt. Her kids would be spoiled with love and attention. Her husband would be the happiest fucking man alive. Even the dog would have an amazing fucking life. It was the blank space that was eating away at me. Who would scoop Eve up after we left and she went back to her life? Some other asshole like her ex?

A loud clang filled the station as one of the guys dropped a wrench and I flinched hard enough for Nash to notice. I met his gaze and saw the worry in his face. Not wanting to have the conversation I knew was coming in front of everyone, I walked outside and waited for him to join me.

Tate followed him out and they both stood in front of me, hands on hips, looking for signs I was coming apart at the seams. That had been our thing, coming apart at the seams, before we’d found our niche with traveling. PTSD and just shitty mental health had led to several instances none of us were proud of. Nash had scared the shit out of his family during a flashback at a Christmas party. Tate had lashed out at everyone around him until he was the only man standing. And me…I’d come back from war angry and scared, like a cornered dog. A dozen bar fights had landed me behind bars for a couple months before I found Nash and Tate.

I spoke up before they could. “I’m fine.”

Tate raised his eyebrows. “You don’t look fine. You look like you’re wound tight as fuck. You’ve been pacing for the last hour.”

“Okay, I’m not fine. I’m not losing my shit, though.” I let out a humorless laugh. “I’m anxious. My mind is fucking racing but it’s not the shit from before.”

Nash looked down at the ground and rubbed the back of his neck. “Maybe it’s time we leave.”

“No.” My stern answer surprised him. “No, it’s not time we leave. This isn’t that, Nash. I’m fucked up over Eve right now. How are you two not? You heard her last night. Does it not eat you up that some fucking asshole is going to sweep in and get her for keeps?”

Tate’s jaw locked and he turned away. His body was rigid and I knew immediately he was as bothered by it as I was. When he looked back at me, his face was hard. “Maybe we should leave. I can’t imagine this shit getting any easier.”

“You think it won’t bother you if we’re a few thousand miles away?” I shook my head. “No matter where we are, it’s going to eat at you. The same way it’s going to eat at me. The thought of Eve getting that white-picket fence with someone else is infuriating.”

“It’s not like we can give her that, Aiden.” Nash blew out a rough breath. “She knows it. We know it.”

“And we just…what? Accept that? The three of us together have never failed at anything we’ve tried. We don’t know we couldn’t give her that.” I snapped my jaw shut as I heard the words coming out of my mouth. Tipping my head back, I groaned. “She’s got me twisted up. I don’t even know what I’m saying.”

“We don’t stay. We aren’t picket fence men. Nothing’s changed.” Tate sounded like he was in pain. “She knows we’re leaving and that this ends soon. We can’t pretend like we aren’t men who disappear. I don’t want to think about someone else touching her but I also can’t willingly hurt her by acting like we’re the men she needs.”

“What if it’s different?” Nash’s quiet question had my stomach sinking like lead. “What if she makes it different?”

Tate threw up his hands. “I can’t be the only one thinking about her happiness. I can’t be responsible for stopping us from doing things that will hurt her. Not all by myself. It doesn’t matter what we want. We leave. She stays. That’s the end of it. It has to be. Fuck you both for making me be the one saying no to her.”

Nash and I watched him storm off and then glanced at each other. I puffed out my cheeks and blew out a slow breath. “Well, fuck.”

---