Page 102 of Scarred King

“I know it’s not an easy decision,” he says and stands up. “But think about it. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision eventually.”

He leaves the room and I remain seated, staring at the whiteboard. If only I could erase from my head the first night I went to the bar. But I can’t, and my heart is definitely keeping me here.

The black motorcycle is waiting for me in the parking lot. As soon as I see his tousled hair, my heart starts pounding wildly and I smile happily. I sit behind him and hold him tight all the way home.

As soon as we walk inside, he grabs my face, kisses me passionately and pulls my clothes off. It’s only an hour later, when we shower together, that I realize how disturbed he is.

“Is it a mess out there?” I ask as I dry off.

“I’d call it chaos,” he answers and rubs the back of his neck. I pull him back to bed, sit down on his back, pour oil on his shoulder blades and rub it in. He groans with pleasure.

“It’s a real battlefield out there. We’re getting hit and then we hit back…”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say harshly and start rubbing his neck. “I’d rather not know anything about it. Your world will stay yours, and my world will stay mine.”

He doesn’t say anything, but I can feel his muscles stiffening. I continue massaging him for a long time. Finally, he turns around, hugs me and returns to the shower.

I go downstairs and look over my notes. He comes down several minutes later, takes his file, kisses me and walks toward the door. As he touches the handle, he turns his head to me.

“Elena, I understand you’re trying to separate our two worlds,” he says and opens the door. “But keep in mind that a man should be able to vent at home with his woman, and let out all the tension that builds up inside him.”

He leaves and I stare at the door. I know that he’s right, but nothing he can say will persuade me to get sucked back into that world again. I choose not to share what I am going through in my world, and he’ll have to deal with the fact that I refuse to be a part of his. His words burn my heart, but I decide to ignore them, and I turn to my studies instead.

The days pass and my routine remains the same. He doesn’t try to share anything with me again, and I convince myself that our intimacy is strong enough for him to accept me exactly as I am. He still looks troubled, and I do everything I can to comfort him between the sheets. Our conversations get shorter and our physical contact gets longer and deeper.

Johanna starts to miss our second class as well, and I cover for her as much as I can.

We’re sitting on the lawn, going over notes for our next exam.

“I missed you,” I put my paper down and smile at her.

“I missed you, too,” she nods and gets closer to me, laying her head on my shoulder.

“Sometimes I wish we could go back to the way we were before,” I say and sigh. “Our cute little apartment, when all we wanted to do was sit and study.”

“I don’t miss that so much.” She giggles. “Don’t get me wrong, I miss you in the apartment. Sometimes the silence there drives me crazy. But I'm having fun.” She sits up and leans against a tree trunk. “I have a job, I have many new friends and I finally feel that I have a real life, that I am really alive.”

“It's not a real life.” I shake my head. “Stripping and dancing in front of men for money. Getting addicted to hard drugs…”

“I am not addicted.” She answers angrily and I realize our conversation isn’t going where I wanted it to. But I can’t change its course now.

“You can’t function without that powder of yours, and you’re living off dirty money.”

“And what money are you living off?” she asks dryly. I close my eyes and shudder.

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” I say sadly. “I’m just worried about you.”

“I know,” she hugs my shoulder. “But you really don’t need to.”

“Why don’t we spend an evening together, just the two of us?” I beg and she shakes her head apologetically.

“I can’t take a night off. Especially not now that I’ve gone over to…” She falls silent and I look at her nervously. “Okay, I'll try to see what I can do.” She changes the subject and stands up. I want to ask her what she meant, but she blows me a kiss in the air and runs off to the exit.

I go back to the lecture hall and repress our conversation. When the last class is dismissed, I am impatient to meet my man in the parking lot. I run outside and the black motorcycle is there waiting for me.

“I’ve had an annoying day,” I say to him.

He glances around tensely. “Get on,” he orders harshly. He drives fast and when we enter the house, I throw my bag on the floor and pull him towards the stairs.

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