Page 36 of Stone Cold Sinner

“That’s…”

“The truth, whether you want to face it or not. Example: you’ve only been in town a handful of days, and already, you remembered how to smile. Forced, maybe. A little cringy at times even. But I’ve heard you chuckle and seen you grin and smile more and more as time goes on. This place is good for you. Healing.”

“The longer I’m here, the more dangerous it becomes.”

“For you, or for them?” Kenzie nodded her head toward the window, forcing Coy’s attention back on his family.

Coy looked long and hard at the people who meant the most to him and couldn’t answer the question. He wanted to blow her off, tell Kenzie she was ridiculous and needed a new hobby, but he feared… she was right. If he was being honest, she was part of that small circle he coveted most, but he didn’t want to admit that either. It felt wrong, like a betrayal. As if he was muddling the memory of Emery somehow, and he was cheating on his dead wife simply by thinking of her in that way.

“It’s okay to love, Coy.” She said. “It’s okay to feel loved.”

No, it isn’t, he thought to himself. Loving someone meant hurting them. Either by his absence or by the murder and mayhem that followed him everywhere that would ultimately land on their doorsteps. One-by-one. He knew what it was like to take a life, and it was nothing compared to what it was like being responsible for a life lost. Those were two different things in his mind.

Ending a morally corrupt bastard who did disgusting things in the name of all things evil and disgraceful was justified, according to him, because the world was safer, more humane, and gentler in the newly deceased’s absence. Losing the life of an innocent and beloved to that very morally corrupt son of a bitch and it landing on your conscience because you drew it out, taunted it, and challenged it… well, that was the shit his nightmares were made of and wounded hearts were born of. He knew that firsthand.

“Stop.” Kenzie chided. “Just stop, Coy.”

“Excuse me?” He held up his hands, a dish towel in one, a plate in the other, and looked around for whatever she was telling him to stop.

“You’re doing it, aren’t you? Standing there trying to convince yourself that I’m wrong and that you don’t deserve this –– that you don’t deserve them. That everything that’s happened since you arrived in town is your fault. That any bloodshed is on your hands.” Kenzie gripped his forearm and gently turned him to face her, ensuring he looked her in the eye.

Coy paused, then pulled away from her grip, his tone deepening and dripping with anger, “It will be. This shit follows me everywhere, Kenz. And today…”

“Today, someone took shots at your sister, and we don’t know who or why. I’m sorry, Coy, but that sounds more like ego than concern.”

“Ego?” he chuckled. “How is it my ego?”

“You really think you’re that important and that deep in the world of crime that every criminal you’ve ever glanced at is on your ass and following you everywhere? That they’ve already found you, and they’re already here trying to off your family in the name of revenge? Sounds like ego.”

“No, it sounds like fate. I draw it out because I’ve made more enemies than I care to count, and they’ve all made the same promise: revenge.” Coy put the dish he was drying down, tossed the hand towel, and raised his voice in a way not even he recognized. “Ego is the reason my wife and unborn child’s blood is on my hands. I thought I had it all figured out, and I didn’t and paid the ultimate price… for ego.”

Kenzie’s eyes filled with emotion, and her quivering voice became a whisper, “No. That wasn’t ego. That was evil doing what evil does, Coy. Despite what you think, you’re only human like the rest of us and couldn’t foresee that happening. Who could? It was awful. It’s horrific. It’s disgusting. It’s deplorable. But it isn’t your fault.”

His voice dropped to a near whisper, “Then why have I been in hell ever since?”

“Because you can’t stop punishing yourself for being human and for loving someone greater than you’ve ever loved anyone else. For daring to be happy. Or… for wishing you still had that.”

“And what makes you so sure you’re right about me? We haven’t crossed paths in nearly a decade.”

“Because I know you, Coy. You come from good stock, have good roots and a heart of gold.”

“And people change.”

“Maybe, but gold… doesn’t tarnish, Coy.”

Kenzie grabbed a large wood tray with stacks of graham crackers, chocolate bars, and a bowl of marshmallows on it and took it outside, where she called everyone for dessert by the firepit. The children flocked to her, and the rest of the family happily joined in around the fire. Coy watched as they interacted and genuinely seemed to enjoy each other’s company. This is how he remembered each of them. Fondly. Kindly. And loving.

Kenzie turned around, looked at him through the window, and gestured for him to join them outside. It was interesting to him how everyone seemed to fit. Though Kenzie hadn’t been around like she had, growing up, and Charlotte was altogether new, as was Ransom –– they all seemed to fit together, almost like a puzzle where every piece filled a spot, and the picture wasn’t complete without all of the pieces sitting around that fire. Kenzie looked over her shoulder once more and smiled back at him, raising her brows as if daring him to join the family.

Despite the day they had, the week, really, there they were, together, not a care in the world… or so it seemed. They had something heavy looming over them. Something dark. Menacing. Perhaps defeating. But there they were, taking a moment back for themselves, to share with one another, grateful they were all still there to partake and make a memory. It was as if they were challenging the force that threatened them. Showing they’re unbreakable and the bond that holds them is also the force that will defend them.

Maybe Kenzie was right. Maybe he missed this. Perhaps he was afraid of them because they were a gift with immeasurable value that he wasn’t willing to compromise and risk. It was too precious. The real question was, why did it take him so long to realize this? He would fight for them, defend them to the death, and see that no harm came any closer than it already had. Coy made that vow years prior, which meant… it wasn’t them he was afraid of losing. It was himself, for them, because of them, in spite of them.

One thing was becoming abundantly clear… Coy was a fucking mess, and he needed to get his shit together before there was more blood on his hands.

“Jesus.” He said to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose to will away the emotion threatening to rear its ugly head.

Then, he looked out the window at Kenzie and saw her staring back at him, wearing an expression he couldn’t quite define. It was like she knew what he was thinking, how he was feeling. She understood it because she lived it too.

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