Page 5 of Craving Cooper

“We never see each other.”

“Yes, we do. Every weekend.”

“Precisely.”

I know where she’s going with this. It’s exactly what I expected her to say, and it’s become a well-trodden path over the last few months. It was one we occasionally wandered down before that, but lately, she’s raised this subject more and more often.

“This is what you wanted, Meredith. During the week, you get to paint, I do my job, and…”

“Why do you always refer to my painting like it’s a hobby?” she says, interrupting me. “You do a job, but I just ‘paint’.” She puts air quotes around that last word, pulling a face at the same time, and I want to tell her to stop being a child… except I know that won’t end well.

“Okay. We both work during the week. Does that sound better?” She nods her head. “Fine. But the point is, we don’t interfere in each other’s schedules. That was your idea, if you remember? You’re the one who insisted that me coming to your place during the week was too distracting. You like to be alone while you’re painting, and I get that.”

“I know, but…”

“But what?”

“The very least you could do is devote yourself to me – and to us – at the weekends.”

I’m not too sure about the idea of devotion in any form. It has a ring of commitment to it that I find terrifying.

“Is this because I’m not gonna be here today?”

“Partly,” she says, pouting. “We get so little time, and you’re…”

“Helping a friend. That’s all I’m doing. I gave you fair warning, and I said you could come along too, if you wanted.”

She shakes her head. “It’s not my thing. I explained that.”

“And that’s fine, Meredith. But you can’t expect me to abandon my friends, when…”

“When you can abandon me instead,” she says.

“I’m not abandoning you. It’s one weekend, for fuck’s sake.” I push my fingers back through my hair, feeling exasperated.

“Maybe. But what about the next time… and the time after that?” She’s sounding more and more like a child, and it’s really starting to grate.

“You wanna fight about things that haven’t even happened yet?”

“You know what I want. I want something more… something permanent.”

‘More’, and ‘permanent’. Two words that are like fingernails running down a chalkboard as far as I’m concerned.

“Why?”

“Why not? You’re coming up for thirty-eight, Cooper. I’m gonna be thirty-four in January. Isn’t it time we thought about settling down?”

Jesus… she’s never used that phrase before. Settling down? Those two words are worse than ‘more’ and ‘permanent’ and have always filled me with dread.

“Why would we want to do that to do that?” Why would anyone?

“Because I don’t like things the way they are. I want more, Cooper.”

“I heard you the first time. And the second time… and every other time after that.”

“And? What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing.”

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