Page 53 of Craving Cooper

This morning was horrible.

I can’t deny it.

I’d spent yesterday moping around the apartment upstairs, wondering how I was going to face Cooper. I didn’t even go grocery shopping. There seemed to be enough food in the refrigerator, and I didn’t feel like eating, anyway. I was more concerned with what I was going to say to Cooper the next time I saw him. How should I behave? What should I do?

He’d left me feeling so confused.

I wanted to be angry. I was angry. But there was a part of me that felt he wasn’t as much to blame for what had happened as I’d thought he had been. Not quite. Although there were still holes in his story… still things I didn’t understand. Like why he’d invited me to the festival in the first place, why it had felt like we’d been part of a game, and how it was possible to be so angry, and still ache for him at the same time.

He came down late, and even though I didn’t have very much to do, I made it look as though I did, and kept my eyes focused on my computer screen. As far as I was concerned, he was the one who’d screwed up, so he could make the first move, even if he’d already told me he wasn’t a ‘first move’ kind of guy. I wanted to be the exception. No. I needed to be the exception.

It seems Cooper wasn’t about making exceptions, though, because although he waited for a while, he didn’t say a word, and just took his first patient into the surgery. It felt awful, not even talking to him, but I couldn’t think what to say… and it seemed he couldn’t either.

Throughout the morning, he kept coming out, but everything he said to me was about work. How did he expect me to respond to that? What did he think I was going to do? Turn the conversation around to what had happened at the weekend, all by myself?

Why would I? Why should I?

So there wouldn’t be such a terrible atmosphere between us?

Because there was. Even Greta noticed it. She asked if I was okay, and I couldn’t lie and tell her everything was fine, when it wasn’t. So, I told her the truth… that Saturday hadn’t gone as well as I’d hoped.

That wasn’t a lie, was it?

I’d hoped my afternoon at the festival with Cooper might have led to drinks, or even dinner. If he’d asked me back to his place afterwards, I wouldn’t have said ‘no’. But I didn’t even get the chance.

And by lunchtime, I realized I still wanted that chance… more than anything.

I was stunned when he stopped me from leaving the building and asked me to step into his surgery. The last thing I expected when we got there was for him to ask if we could try again.

And yes, I get that what I should have done at that point was to run across the room and throw myself at him. But I could still remember him saying he didn’t know why he’d invited me to go to the festival with him. No matter how much I wanted him, I needed to be sure we both knew what we were doing… and why.

Did I expect him to say he wanted to be with me?

No.

Did I imagine hearing that would set my body on fire, but cloud my brain at the same time, making it impossible to speak, or think, or breathe?

Clearly not.

But when he said it all a second time, while gazing deep into my eyes, I knew he meant it… and that understanding why didn’t matter anymore.

Which is why I’ve spent my afternoon in a daze, trying desperately not to let my hopes get the better of me… even though I can’t help dreaming that this might be the beginning of something fabulous.

I wasn’t sure whether to wait for Cooper after his last patient had left, but in the end, I didn’t need to worry. He came straight out and walked over, smiling down at me.

“I’m gonna be a little while longer,” he said, resting his hands on the edge of the desk and leaning over slightly. “But I’ll call for you at seven. Okay?”

I nodded my head and whispered, “Okay,” surprised by how difficult it was to talk, so I cleared my throat. “I’ll be ready,” I said, my voice a little clearer.

He smiled. “I won’t mind waiting, if you’re not.”

I got to my feet, unable to stop staring at him, and he stood up straight, his eyes never leaving mine. It felt like there was an unbreakable bond between us… one I’d like to explore later. But I think we were both aware that we needed to get on. He had to finish up, and I had to get ready, and although neither of us seemed to know what to say, we went our separate ways.

Since then, I’ve showered, styled my hair, put on enough makeup that it looks like I’m trying, but not trying too hard, and I’ve chosen what to wear. All I need to decide on now is underwear, and even that isn’t too hard. My dress is a black wrap-around one, which is quite fitted. The last thing I need is a visible panty line, so I’m opting for a thong… a white lace one, with a matching bra. I actually prefer wearing thongs, and do so most of the time, especially under the skirts I wear for work, because they’re quite fitted, too. The one I’ve chosen for tonight is especially nice, though. The lace is fine, and I love how soft it feels against my newly shaved, deeply moisturized skin.

I keep an eye on the time, making sure to be ready when Cooper knocks on my door, and I open it to find him standing there, wearing a dark gray suit, white button-down shirt, and navy tie. I’ve never seen him dressed up like this before, and it seems he’s tried too, which makes me smile.

“You look lovely,” I say, as his eyes wander down my body, coming back up to my face, his mouth dropping open.

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