Page 39 of Craving Cooper

I’m torn between tears and fury, and as I throw my keys onto the couch, narrowly missing Saffron, who jumps down onto the floor and glares at me, fury wins out.

“How dare he?” I yell, making the cat scamper behind the couch.

Cooper clearly knew all along that Meredith would be at the festival – together with her new boyfriend – and only invited me so he wouldn’t have to go alone, and feel like a loser.

“How could he do that?” How could he belittle me?

I pace the floor, but not for long. I’m getting dizzy and making the cat nervous, so I sit and she joins me, tipping her head, like she doesn’t understand, until I pat my thigh and she gingerly climbs up.

“It’s okay,” I whisper, giving her head a stroke.

It’s not okay, though, is it? It’s very far from okay.

Wasn’t it bad enough that Jonah cheated on me? Wasn’t it embarrassing enough that he did it all so publicly? Did Cooper have to treat me so badly, too?

Is there something wrong with me? Something that makes men feel it’s okay to behave like that… to treat me like that? Why do they think they can use me? And more to the point, what am I going to do about it?

Doing nothing isn’t an option.

I have to work with Cooper. He’s my boss. He’s my landlord, too. I enjoy my job, and I like having somewhere to call home, and while I wouldn’t say I feel safe yet, I certainly feel more settled than I ever have before.

Besides which, I have a cat now. I stroke her just to prove the point, and she purrs, nestling against me.

I have responsibilities, and no matter what Cooper’s done, I can’t just leave.

Why should I?

I’m not the one at fault here.

He is.

Chapter Ten

Cooper

I feel lost.

It’s a strange sensation and not one I’ve experienced before, but there’s no other way to describe the empty feeling inside me. It’s like there’s a hole… caused entirely by Mallory’s absence.

I hadn’t expected to feel like this, but I guess I hadn’t expected to be here, enjoying myself. Not as much as I was. And I was enjoying myself, even if it felt as though half the town had descended on us within moments of our arrival.

Okay, so I can’t deny there was a certain awkwardness between Mallory and me. But that was my fault, not hers. It felt a little dishonest to be making small-talk with her, when what I really wanted was to take her hand, pull her close and kiss her. Except that wasn’t all I wanted. Because I still wanted more… and even though I’d normally struggle against such a concept, I didn’t. Not with Mallory. She’s fun, she’s easy to talk to, she gets along with just about everyone, and she makes me feel comfortable. That’s an unusual sensation for me when I’m with a woman. Normally, there’s an edginess… either an anticipation of what’s to come, or a fear they’ll want to talk. Usually about something that’s best left unsaid. With Mallory, there was none of that. Every word that left her lips felt right. Hell… even when she made that remark about strangers marrying people who’ve lived here all their lives, I wasn’t fazed. In fact, I confused the fuck out myself by thinking about how great it sounded. Marriage? Great? What was wrong with me? Marriage has always terrified me. And yet, it sounded so good. It sounded fucking perfect. That was, until she qualified her comment, and made it about Walker and Imogen. I can’t be sure whether she meant that, though. There was the cutest blush on her cheeks, and she had a look in her eyes that made me wonder if she was only saying it for my benefit. I might be wrong about that. But I hope not… especially since our conversation with Nate.

I’ve always thought of myself as someone who likes to moderate the time he spends with women, and how much of himself he’s willing to give. I like to suit myself. That’s why my supposed relationship with Meredith seemed so ideal… simply because we had a schedule. I didn’t have to see her too often, and we didn’t find it necessary to share every waking and sleeping moment. The idea of spending every minute of the day in the company of another person, like Nate and Taylor do, has always struck me as weird. But, as we were talking, I suddenly realized that, if I started something with Mallory, that’s exactly what we’d be doing. We’d be working together and hopefully sleeping together. Oddly enough, the prospect didn’t fill me with fear. It made me wonder… which is why I asked Nate if it works. I probably should have asked how it works instead, but his answer was reassuring, and I guess it all comes down to wanting it enough to make it happen.

And I definitely want Mallory enough. Not just naked and underneath me. Not just begging me for more… but in my life. Period.

The question is, does she want that, too?

It’s hard to tell. Our day’s been curtailed by her headache, and I wonder if I should go after her. She might have said she was fine, but should I leave her alone when she’s not well? Or should I be more attentive?

Is that what boyfriends do?

Proper, decent boyfriends, I mean. The ones who care.

I’ve never been that kind of guy before, and I’m not even sure she thinks of me as boyfriend material, but either way, I don’t know what’s expected. My instincts are telling me I should be with her… to help her and take care of her. But if she’s feeling unwell, maybe she’d prefer to sleep, or at least to sit quietly by herself, without me getting in the way.

I just don’t know.

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