Page 100 of Craving Cooper

“So, who was the second call from?”

“Meredith.”

She pulls her hands away and steps back. “What did she want?” she whispers.

“I don’t know. I declined the call. Then I blocked her number and deleted her from my contacts list. I should have done that before now, and I’m sorry I didn’t.” Her eyes are glistening and I step closer, reaching out and pulling her into my arms. She’s stiff, and I hold her tight with one arm, cupping her face with the other hand. “Don’t look so scared.”

“Don’t you think I have every right to be scared, Coop? I said I’d try to accept Meredith’s role in your past, and I meant it. I’m trying so hard, despite everything I heard you do with her. But how can I hope to forget every scream and cry and moan the two of you made together, if she’s still here?”

“She’s not here, baby. She’s history. You’re it for me.” I want to say ‘I love you’, but would she believe me if I said it now? Would it sound like a platitude, instead of the one constant in my life? The one I want to keep beside me, always… for better, for worse?

She opens her mouth, her words interrupted by a knocking at the front door.

“That must be Greta,” she says, and I know she’s right. Anyone else would have buzzed the intercom. “You’ll have to let her in.”

“I can’t leave you like this.”

“You have to. I’ll be fine.” She doesn’t sound very fine, but she pulls away again, and nods toward the door. “You can’t keep Greta waiting.”

“Tell me nothing’s changed.”

“Nothing’s changed.”

I nod my head, hearing a slightly louder knocking at the door, and I swear under my breath.

“I have to go,” I say.

“I’ll see you downstairs.”

I step away, pausing on the threshold. When I look back, she’s still staring after me, and I realize that although she says nothing has changed, something has.

She doesn’t feel safe anymore.

Chapter Nineteen

Mallory

Hearing that Meredith had called this morning was so much more disturbing than I would have expected. I didn’t want to react like I did. I wanted to be brave and brush it off, to say it didn’t matter, and mean it.

Except it did matter.

And I wasn’t feeling brave enough to lie about it.

It’s like I said to Cooper, Meredith is supposed to be in the past, not the present… and definitely not the future. I can just about accept her as something that happened before me, but not as something that’s happening to me.

I wish I’d been able to explain that to Cooper before he had to come downstairs to let Greta in. I wish I’d been able to tell him how unsafe it all made me feel, and that he’d had time to reassure me, and hold me, and tell me it would all be okay.

He said I was it for him, which helped to set my mind at rest a little. I wanted to tell him I feel the same way, but we were interrupted by Greta knocking on the door. I wanted to tell him I’m in love with him, in the hope he feels the same way. Except I know he might not. I think he feels something for me, but I don’t know if it’s love yet… or whether it ever will be. He told me he wanted to make me feel safe, every minute of the day, and that has to mean something, doesn’t it?

I’ve been mulling it over all day, without reaching any conclusions, and what’s made it worse is that I haven’t really had the chance to see Cooper. He’s been slammed with appointments since the first patient walked in the door, and even had to work through lunch, so we didn’t get to take some time out and go upstairs. I wish we had, though. I need him more than ever right now.

I check the time, relieved to see it’s three-thirty already. One good thing about being so busy is that the time flies, and at least the day is nearly done. Cooper’s last appointment is in an hour from now, and once that’s through, the weekend is ours.

Thank God.

We can talk about what happened this morning, move my things into his place, and spend as much time in bed as we like. That thought makes my skin tingle with anticipation… because no matter what else is going on, I still want him. I want him like I want to feel safe. The two things go hand-in-hand for me. It’s like Cooper is my harbor… my sanctuary. I want to anchor myself to him and let him protect me from the outside world. I think he wants the same thing. But after this morning, I need to be sure. I need him to cast off the nagging doubts in the back of my mind, sown by Meredith’s phone call and the memories it brought back, of all the times I heard them together.

I know Cooper didn’t talk to her, and that he blocked her number, so she can’t contact him again. That ought to feel reassuring in itself, and it does. But I just need some time alone with him… which is the one thing we haven’t had all day.

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