Page 69 of Secrets at the Little Music Shop

Ben and I looked at each other. Understanding was blooming through my mind, connections being made. I didn’t know how far behind Ben’s comprehension was running so I took the initiative. I leaned forward and disconnected the call, leaving Saskia standing, a single tear caught in the act of running down her cheek.

‘Okay,’ I said. ‘So. You suspected that Alex was having an affair with Rosie or me, you didn’t know which one, so you punished us both. Cutting off my sales outlets, and trying to work Rosie into what? Post-natal depression? You knew she was feeling a bit shaky after Harry was born, so you decided to push her over the edge?’ I moved closer, so that I was looking her right in the eye. ‘Am I getting warm?’

The tears were beading down her cheeks now. Her throat moved as a sob tried to escape.

‘And you burned down Ben’s shop, made a false report to eBay, all just to get even with me for something I wasn’t even doing?’

‘You don’t understand—’ Saskia’s voice was thick.

‘Too right, I don’t. What kind of a lunatic behaves like that? Who puts other people out of business because they might be up to something? You are seriously deranged, Saskia.’

Ben gave me a serious look. ‘Jem, steady.’

‘I am going to repeat this very slowly. She. Burned. Down. Your. Shop. All your things, the guitars, everything. Just to stop you selling my buckles. Do the words “call the police” mean anything to you?’

‘The insurance people were satisfied it was kids playing with lighters. They’re paying up.’

‘And I’ll make it up to you, I promise.’ Saskia sounded earnest. And, for once, honest. ‘I’d heard you suspected me, something Rosie said. But you said nothing, did nothing. For that, I’m grateful.’

‘Wasn’t really enough evidence,’ I said, grudgingly. Wouldn’t want Saskia attributing philanthropy to me. ‘Just a seed head. I thought you might have had it stuck to you or something when you went down there.’

‘I’m giving you the lease.’ Saskia went back to looking at Ben. ‘Making it over to you. The shop in the Shambles is yours. You can do what you like with it.’ A quick look at me. ‘Sell what you like.’

I breathed hard and clenched my fists. I wanted, so much, just to punch her little Pekinese face, but the steady trickle of mascara-laced tears made me stop. It was the first time I’d ever seen Saskia lose control. ‘But why? Why all this drama? Why not confront Alex? Tell him to go, if he’s shagging around?’

‘Have you ever been in love, Jemima?’ Her voice was a whisper, broken by catches in her breath. ‘Truly, utterly in love? And known all the time that you were driving the other person away? And you knew what you were doing but you still couldn’t stop yourself — pushing them away when they wanted to be close and then wanting them to touch you but afraid of what would happen if they did . . .’

Something made of ice crept down my spine. I refused to look at Ben. ‘I can imagine.’

‘No, you can’t! Look at you with your no make-up and your skinny little jeans and your flimsy tops, all “I’m so beautiful I don’t have to try”. What do you think it’s like to have to try, every day, knowing that it’s getting harder and harder and one day it’s all going to fall apart? And watching the person that you love most finding other people more attractive—’ A sob broke through and she stopped. Forced several deep breaths. ‘Even when they weigh the same as a small car and have the dress sense of Judith Chalmers,’ she finished, with the old Saskia springing to the fore once again. ‘It would have been better if it had been you. At least you’re pretty.’ She was back to the whisper again.

‘Alex was working away such a lot, up until this summer. But he suddenly decided to change his arrangements so he could work from home, with Oscar starting school. So that he could see more of his son . . .’

The realisation hit all three of us at once. ‘He’s Harry’s father.’ I said it first. ‘The bastard.’

A watery smile creased Saskia’s mouth. ‘Sympathy for the devil, Jemima?’

‘No, I meant, all that time when Rosie was frantic trying to look after Harry and get all those cards made for you. Jase and I were looking after Harry, where was Alex?’

‘But what could he do?’ Ben joined in. ‘He couldn’t offer to help without arousing suspicion. And you were quite happy to help, Jem, particularly when you were getting low-rate board-and-lodging at the cottage.’

‘I can’t believe she didn’t tell me.’ I sat down hard. ‘All that time, she’s been sneaking off to see him — I can’t believe she didn’t give me one hint. I thought Harry’s dad had been some one-night-stand. Not this.’

‘What am I going to do?’ Saskia’s wail would have aroused more sympathy in me if she hadn’t promptly turned to Ben and thrown herself against his shoulder, continuing to speak muffled into his shirt. ‘I love him.’

Panicked, Ben looked at me over her head. ‘Is she talking?’ His eyes were wide. ‘What’s she saying?’

I stared at Saskia. The sound of my heartbeat was drowning out my thoughts. This was love. This was what it brought you to. You loved and you were left. ‘So. We confront them.’

‘We?’ Saskia raised her head. The mascara streaking her face made her look fragile, like a made-for-TV movie heroine.

‘Well, what were you thinking of doing?’ I knew my voice was sharp. ‘Letting it all go on?’

‘I don’t know.’ Once again Saskia looked humble. ‘I think I was afraid. I wanted to know but I didn’t want to know, if you see what I mean. If I had no proof then I could pretend it was just me, being silly.’

My mouth twisted. Silly? Only little girls were silly. Full grown women were stupid or blind.

‘But things were getting worse. I’d started writing it down every time he was away, or out, or working late, trying to find a pattern. But it was all so random, just half-an-hour here, an afternoon there, nothing I could pin down. And then a friend of mine recommended this man, this Dave, as someone who could make things happen.’

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