Page 52 of Secrets at the Little Music Shop

‘You only saw me this morning.’ Self-consciously I raked my hands through my hair and smoothed my cheeks. ‘How different?’

‘I don’t know. Sort of glowy.’ She covered her mouth slowly. ‘Oh, God. Does this mean you and Ben . . . ? Oh, Jem, is he absolutely fabulous?’

‘No, he’s a complete pain in the arse,’ I retorted, thinking of Ben’s irritating attractiveness.

‘Pain in the . . . oh.’ Rosie blew out a long breath. ‘You mean — anal sex?’

‘You spend far too long with Jason, do you know that? Ben and I, we’re just friends. He’s been—’ how to describe what had gone on between Ben and me? — ‘unburdening himself in my direction, that’s all. And,’ I added hastily. ‘Not in a wanky way, either. God, we both spend too much time with Jase.’

Rosie shrugged and turned back to Harry, loaded spoon back in hand. ‘All I’ll say is that something is making you pink-cheeked like you’ve been lit up from inside. I’m not going to pry into what’s been going on, apart from asking what the hell all that stuff about a fire was.’

I explained about Ben’s shop, watching Rosie look more and more distressed as I went on. ‘But there’s a good side,’ I put in quickly, seeing the tears start up in her eyes. ‘Ben’s asked me to stay at his place for a while. So you could put Harry into his cot in my room. It’d give you a bit more space and you won’t have to worry about him rolling himself out of the carry-cot any more.’

Harry grabbed at the spoon, annoyed at the slow service. A kind of porridgey slush flicked over Rosie and me, and she began dipping the spoon back into the jar in jerky little movements. ‘You aren’t telling me everything, are you?’ A quick look at my guilty expression. ‘If you and Ben aren’t screwing fit to bust there must be something else going on. Blokes like him, they don’t just ask women to stay. Not without some kind of Special Services. Is it something to do with the fire?’

Without saying anything I reached into the pocket of my jeans. Drew out what I’d found lying in the rubble and discarded papers outside Ben’s shop. Uncurled my hand and showed it to her.

‘Yeah that’s one of the seed heads I use for my cards.’ Her attention went back to Harry again.

‘I found it. Underneath some of the stuff the fire brigade had piled up outside the shop.’

‘At Ben’s?’ Rosie’s eyes met mine and I saw understanding slowly dawn. ‘What? You think . . . ?’ I dropped the pink-sprayed seed head onto the table. ‘But that’s stupid. Why on earth would Saskia set fire to Ben’s shop? That’s — yes, it’s more than stupid, it’s ridiculous.’ She lifted Harry from his seat.

‘I know.’ I chucked Harry stickily under the chin. ‘It’s just circumstantial. And maybe I’m seeing ghosts that don’t exist. But, and I hesitate to make this dreadful pun because I’m not Jason, there’s no smoke without fire. And now, I’m going to pop over to the workshop to collect some bits and pieces. Thought I might have a crack at making something specific for Saskia’s shop. Maybe a tiara?’

Rosie sniggered, falling into step alongside me, Harry winding sticky fingers into her hair. ‘Tiara! Mind you I reckon she already thinks she’s Victoria Beckham.’

‘You’ve seen the house, she probably does. But Alex is so far off being David Beckham it’s amusing.’

The sniggering stopped as we approached the barn. ‘You will still keep coming over here, won’t you?’

‘’Course.’ I unlocked the main door and went into the office. ‘I’ll need some sane company anyway and because I’m referring to you and Jason as sane company I hope you’ll infer that Ben is not exactly Mr Stability.’

‘Yeah, well, stability can be boring as hell.’ Rosie’s voice vanished into Jason’s workshop as she searched for Harry’s chair. ‘Conventional is over-rated. I reckon a fling with a rock star would set you up nicely.’

‘He’s not a rock star.’

‘He was. He’ll still be raking in the royalties. Might be again one day if you can persuade him to pick up a guitar once more. Never know your luck, Jem, you could be looking at a life on the road.’

My heart squeezed. ‘Not going to happen.’ I opened my e-mail.

‘The fling? Come on, wake up and hear the music, the guy is so hot for you that he’s going to spontaneously combust if you give him the push.’ She saw my expression, tinged blue by the light of the screen. ‘What’s up?’

My throat was burning and I had to whisper. ‘Look.’ I turned the screen around to face her. ‘Someone has reported me for fraud. Repeatedly not delivering goods that have been paid for. eBay are suspending my listing.’

I sobbed into Rosie’s ample shoulder. She patted my back as though I was Harry. ‘Oh, Jem.’

‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’ Couldn’t tell her that without eBay I had no way of selling anything when I moved on. That I’d been relying on sales from the internet to keep me going while I set up somewhere new. And then it wasn’t just that, it was everything. It was Ben and his awful secret, his fragility, and my knowledge that I wanted him so much all I could do was run away. ‘Now what am I going to do?’

‘If you need some cash I could lend you—’

‘It’s not just the money. It’s — oh, Rosie, I don’t know what I’m doing. Ben is . . .’ Ben is everything. Everything that I’m afraid of, everything I’ve ever wanted. All those secret desires that I’ve hidden for so long underneath so many layers that now even I don’t recognise them.

‘He’s told you why he quit the band?’

I could only nod against her shoulder.

‘And it’s not drugs?’

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