Page 22 of Secrets at the Little Music Shop

‘Ben?’ Ben had his head down, hair covering his face. I touched him again, finger to shoulder and he shuddered like a nervous horse. ‘Come on. Rosie’s made one of her Mexican specials. You wouldn’t want to disappoint a woman who can cook like she can, trust me. Your stomach will love you for it.’

Every word he’d said had slit through my skin and run into my veins. Every word I’d said to him had been loaded with hypocrisy and I wished I could tell him so. But I couldn’t.

‘Just promise me one thing.’ Ben looked up at me eventually. ‘Before I go back in there, before I have to start pretending all over again.’ His eyes were very dark. ‘Promise me that it won’t make a difference. Now you know who I am, who I was — that everything will go on the same.’

‘What, that we’ll still snap and snipe at each other like a couple of prize bitches? Oh, I think that’s without question.’

A small smile tinted his face. It took away some of the pallor of his skin and gave his eyes a bit of sparkle. ‘Oh, good. I think.’

‘Although I have to say that you’re the first famous person I’ve ever met who was glad that I didn’t know who they were.’

‘You’ve met a lot, have you?’ Ben let me lead him back into the living room. The hunched, scared expression was mostly gone.

‘Oh, yeah.’ Well, I’d been locked up with a woman who’d stalked Robbie Williams. That probably counted.

Chapter Nine

Rosie, Ben and Jason got on surprisingly well. OK, maybe not so surprising, when you’re five bottles and a Mexican Chilli special in, almost anyone you can focus on begins to look like a friend. But it helped that Jason, like me, hadn’t the faintest idea who Willow Down had been. Ben finally relaxed and only occasionally betrayed how he was feeling by twisting at the cuffs of his shirt.

‘So, you coming to Saskia’s grand opening?’ Rosie shoved another portion of chilli onto Ben’s plate. The bloke looked as if he only weighed about eight stone but he could eat like a man who’s been in training. Jason poured Ben another glass of wine and furtively drank the dregs of the bottle.

‘Who’s Saskia?’

‘Well,’ I brandished my knife. In my defence I was also more than a little bit pissed. ‘You see this pointy thing? Imagine this, in the mouth of a Rottweiler that’s covered in pins.’

‘With a bellyful of wasps,’ added Rosie helpfully.

‘That’s Saskia. And she’s opening her shop — well, re-opening it. Jason’s doing it, aren’t you?’

Jason jumped guiltily. ‘What? What’m I doin’ now? Come on, Jem, y’ can see both me hands!’

‘He’s her sleb.’ Then I went a bit quiet because we were all painfully aware that Ben’s celebrity status could have knocked Jase’s into a pond. ‘Anyway. It’s next week. We’re all going.’

‘Things like that aren’t really my — well, thing,’ Ben said. ignoring Jason. ‘I’m not much one for crowds. And I don’t know her.’

‘That’s all right, we all wish we didn’t know her and we’re still going!’

Ben gave us all an old-fashioned look, which I think was meant to be disapproving but his head was wobbling so it gave him more of an air of a slightly pissed off glove-puppet. ‘You three are horrible, aren’t you?’

‘And proud of it.’ I held out my glass for Jason who’d popped the cork on the last bottle, the one Ben had brought.

There was a flare of lights as a car turned into the driveway and stopped, followed by a momentary blaring of a horn. Ben covered his glass with his hand. ‘That’ll be my taxi,’ he said. ‘Need to get up early. Got another appointment tomorrow at eleven. Don’t want to be hungover for it. Will you be all right to come over and mind the shop for me, Jemima?’

I nodded. Ben got up and I was suddenly overwhelmed with an urge to grab his arm and ask him not to go. To stay here, shooting the breeze into the small hours and getting giggly over Jason’s ridiculous world view, as we had been doing. It was as though we’d been in a bubble for the last few hours, one in which I didn’t have to think about anything other than this life I’d made for myself. Me. Here and now. With Rosie and Jason playing host and hostess and this skinny rock-guy with the big secrets.

‘Jem?’ Ben laid a hand on my shoulder. ‘You all right? You looked like you were on another planet there for a minute.’

Some of the stress was gone from his face. I felt a tiny flutter inside me, somewhere round my heart. Yes, Ben was a good-looking guy. I could see it but I daren’t acknowledge it. Even the knowing caused a little acid burn at the base of my stomach.

‘Nah, I’m fine. Just tired. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

To my surprise he moved a tendril of hair away from my face. ‘Yes. Another day of insults and misunderstandings.’

‘I’ll look forward to it.’

When Ben had left, Jason collapsed onto the sofa and farted hugely. ‘It’s those frigging beans, Jem,’ he said not apologetically. ‘An’ I reckon you and our Mr Davies could get a very nice thing going, if you know what I mean.’

‘Don’t be silly.’ I helped Rosie clear the table.

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