Page 50 of The Boy from Half Moon

“Don’t joke about this, Tate. If there is serious psychosis involved here, well, I might suggest you offer a referral and then back away.”

“He has suffered sexual abuse, Mom,” I stated, holding my breath and getting ready for some major resistance about my being involved with Luke.

Her long drawn-in breath, a weird sort of click of her tongue, clued me into her evolution to professional-speak from then on. “Mm-hmmm,” she hummed. “Let me ask you an important question, Tate.”

Uh-oh, she was calling me Tate, not honey. “Yes, Mother. I am interested in him personally.”

And here we go. “Are you interested in him sexually?”

Sixteen-year-old Tate would’ve folded and run. Thirty-two-year-old Tate no longer gave a fuck about my sexuality or the choices of men I wanted to date.

“I am interested in him sexually,” I confirmed. “But with that said, he’s younger than me, and I do not want to add to his trauma,” I clarified. “And to be clear, Mom. He is also pursuing a relationship with me.”

I reached for a notepad on my desk and wrote Luke’s name at the top, listing numbers down the left side in case I wrote bullet points to remember. Mom was silent, so her advice was coming next. The advice would be direct. It would be professional, and she wouldn’t sugarcoat her recommendations.

“Does he have a name?” she asked.

“Can we skip that right now?”

“Okay then. Before I offer you some central techniques, and things to look for, as well as ways to reinforce your position as someone who cares for him, I will give you one positive.”

“There’s a positive in this?” I asked, surprised there’d be anything good about this call.

“The positive is that he is also pursuing you, Tate. That in itself makes it clear he sees you as a person who he wants to share something with. Perhaps he is unsure of what that something is, but he shows big promise in that he’s trying.”

“I didn’t expect that,” I said. “So, I wouldn’t be hurting him?”

She chuckled. “Oh, trust me, Tate. You could still hurt him,” she corrected. “Especially if you desire a healthy and loving physical relationship with a sexual assault victim.”

“I’m confused, Mom. What are you saying, exactly?”

“I’m telling you that if you value this man, you’ll need patience and a whole lot of understanding, honey. There is a very significant chance that your friend doesn’t understand that sex and sexual abuse are not the same thing. He may view your loving approach as a threat, so your job will be to set guidelines with him.”

I grabbed the pen again and began scribbling. “Please go on.”

“Be upfront with him. If you think a sexual encounter is possible, talk about the act of sex and try to be specific. Let him explore what he’s comfortable with. And when you think he is ready to at least try, then schedule a future time. This way he can expect that it will happen sometime soon, but in the future. The future doesn’t necessarily have to mean days, either. No surprises. No traumatic memories.”

“Anything else?”

“A couple of other things to help would be things like leaving the light on, doing routine things beforehand so he can relax, setting a plan of what you’d like to experience, what he’d like to experience. Your friend needs to feel like he wants to do this, that he has a choice, and that he will feel pleasure and safe.”

“God, Mom!” I exclaimed. “That explanation was amazing. You are amazing.”

“Thank you, Tate. Do you realize you’ve never spoken to me about my work as an adult?”

“But you’re my mother,” I replied. “I thought it was weird.”

“Well, at least you’re honest, dear.”

She was right. I’d always seen my mother as the enemy because of her career. I figured she was analyzing me all the time, pushing me to open up to her, not as my mother, but as my shrink.

“I’m sorry. Mom. You always have my best interest, I know that.”

“This is your mom speaking now, son.”

“Okay, Mom,” I unenthusiastically responded, internally rolling my eyes.

“If you care about this man, honey, you need to show patience. A sexual abuse victim does not easily trust, particularly people they view as having all the power. You did not disclose his age, so be careful. Treat him as an equal. In all ways.”

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