Page 84 of The Boy from Half Moon

Tate brought his free hand to our joined hands and covered them. “My professional side can be rough around the edges,” he admitted. “My job is to look out for your best interests and make sure your civil rights are not taken advantage of, Luke. And yes, unfortunately, my instincts were on high alert because of my emotional attachment to you. Perhaps I’m not best suited to be your attorney if I cannot separate my love for you from my job to advocate for you.”

Tate had just said a lot of fancy words, but only one word stood out in his long explanation. “You have love for me?”

“I do,” he confirmed, setting my heart aflame. “And I don’t want you to confuse this me, with the professional version of me, Luke. Beating on or physically hurting someone, in any way, is not who I am. However, with that said, I need to be a strong person in how I defend you. But I will never physically harm you, or any other person, for that matter.”

I’d followed his speech, but I was still stuck on him using the word love. “You love me?” His head tilted, and he gazed at me. “What kind of love?” I asked, watching him continue to stare at me.

“All that explanation and all you want to know is if I love you?” he whispered.

“No one’s ever said that to me before,” I confessed. “People aren’t supposed to hurt you when they love you, right?”

His eyes filled, and I noticed his Adam’s apple move when he swallowed hard. “When it comes to love, Luke, people can still hurt you,” he explained. “They will disappoint you sometimes. And sometimes they leave you, and trust me, that hurts too.”

“Do they beat you?”

I noticed his lips quivering as he appeared to be trying to fight a full-on cry. I’d been there and knew the struggle to avoid crying. He slowly shook his head from side to side.

“Sometimes they do,” he whispered, surprising me with his response. “Sometimes they even… do… that. But that isn’t love, Luke. That is abuse. Me being mad at the police or doing my job while I may appear to be angry has nothing to do with how I would ever treat you.”

“Franklin said he did what he did to me because he loved me,” I said. “He said he wanted to protect me from the outside world.”

“I’m not saying he deserved to die, but Franklin did not truly love you, Luke. A good person, no matter their position in your life, does not abuse you. What he did to you was wrong,” he clarified. “I am not Franklin. I will never be like Franklin. I want to protect you, but I will never abuse you. However, I expect to disappoint you because I’m not perfect, but I won’t strike you, Luke.”

Tate’s words offered security to fears that haunted me. “So it’s okay to be mean if you’re protecting me?”

He chuckled. “Probably not,” he admitted. “I suppose I could be nicer sometimes when I do my job. And perhaps I shouldn’t be your attorney because of it, Luke. I’m sorry you’re seeing the side of me that fiercely wants to keep you safe. I’ve let my feelings for you interfere with my work and if you prefer, we can find you different representation.”

“If it’s okay with you, I think I’d like you by my side,” I said.

Tate didn’t respond to my decision at first. Instead, he let go of my hand and relaxed back in his seat while he studied the many people visiting the rest stop. After a few more minutes, he cleared his throat.

“Can I ask you something as well?” he asked, turning toward me.

“Sure,” I replied.

“Can we go back to why you stopped communicating with me after I dropped you off at the ranch?”

I wondered when he’d ask that question again. I’d been with him for nearly a week, and we still hadn’t spoken about who we were to each other before the event. “To protect my family,” I admitted. “They were forced out of our dorm room and into a shack because of me,” I added. “I couldn’t do what I wanted to do anymore after that.”

“You told me about your family before, and I understand your concern for them. But, Luke, I want to know what it was you couldn’t do, that you wanted to do, after all that.”

My stomach suddenly felt upset. He asked the one question I didn’t know the right answer to now that I sat right beside him. I’d figured we’d never be together again when I’d chosen my family over my desire to court him.

“I couldn’t take the risk of courting you any longer,” I revealed. “Even though I wanted to.”

We locked eyes. His face was expressionless after my admission. I’d acknowledged what I’d done and why, and now he knew, but I didn’t truly mean the words I spoke. I still worried about Ma and David and felt like I had no choice but to make sure they were okay, but now I couldn’t go back. I hadn’t expected Franklin to die and leave me free to leave, free to pursue Tate, free to live my life as I saw fit. My mother wasn’t brave enough to leave, but maybe I was now.

“Thank you for being honest with me, Luke,” he said. We studied one another as we both avoided what my answer meant. He didn’t know what I really desired, and he didn’t say what he wished for. “How about we get back on the road? Are you hungry?” he asked, changing the topic and moving his hand to the stick shift.

Hungry was the last thing I was. What I was, was heartbroken. Admitting to Tate that I couldn’t court him was based on thinking my life would always be on the ranch. But now that I assumed I’d never get to be back there or need to protect my family from Franklin, I wanted nothing more but to be with him.

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE: Tate

“He’s incredible,” the salesman said, cupping his hand near his mouth to avoid Luke hearing him. “Where did you ever find such a specimen?”

“I didn’t find him,” I corrected, miffed at the old queen’s behavior. “He’s my client,” I added for some reason, hoping an assumed professional relationship would calm the man down.

“Better for me,” he quipped, talking to me, but keeping his eye squarely on the dressing room. “Maybe I should go see if he needs my help.”

---